Issues with a high school coach

[Ferkinator]

Had a baseball coach like this in Highschool. Several of us quit the team and he was replaced the following year. I don't remember any of the parents saying much of anything to the rest of the faculty. It ended up sorting itself out in the end.

As a parent now, I would hope I raised my kids well enough to know how to navigate the situation themselves. As parents we need to put our children in difficult situations to learn, grow and mature, no matter how uncomfortable it makes US feel. Sounds like you communicate with yours well enough to know what's best for your boy. So I would say, sit back and monitor how things are going and guide as needed.

Good Luck!

 

[Jbuck]

After a loss singling out individual athletes in the locker room and telling the team they lost because that kid underperformed that game.

After a loss telling team in locker room that it’s his fault because he subbed in the bench too soon and they shouldn’t have played as much.

Telling kids that they would play a certain amount of time each quarter and playing them zero minutes.

Belittling a kid that started the season late essentially telling him he was a little bitch last season and not to do be a little bitch. (That kid quit the next day and is a phenomenal player that moved to this school to play the previous season.)

Not to make excuses for anyone, but situation dependent i don't have a problem with these parts.

After a loss it's ok to hold players accountable. I've been on the receiving end of this, but it is something that I chose to use as a tool to know what to work on.

As far as playing time for the bench, in competitive sports there should be no mandatory playing time requirements. Having a deep bench is nice, but without knowing the team its hard to say. Obviously the starters are good if they are state champions..

Again without knowing the situation on the kid starting late. What was the reason? Did he just not want to work during the conditioning part, and show up to play? I wasn't there, but it can send the kids the wrong signal if the team is putting in work and someone else is allowed to skate.

All that said, there are different styles of coaches.

 

[LostArra]

Curious about opinions. We just finished up basketball season and there were some definite coaching concerns. Here are a list of concerns.

Making fun of kid with hearing impairment in front of team thinking he’s being funny or joking as one of the guys.

After a loss singling out individual athletes in the locker room and telling the team they lost because that kid underperformed that game.

After a loss telling team in locker room that it’s his fault because he subbed in the bench too soon and they shouldn’t have played as much.

Telling kids that they would play a certain amount of time each quarter and playing them zero minutes.

How old is this coach?

 

[ColoradoV]

Grew up around coaches/ hoopers as my father was drafted by the Pistons in 66'.. I just got put in the "hall of fame" in the college where I played hoops.. 4 year letterman in and 3 year starter still the #13 scorer all time..

With that said in life you will not always get along w all your bosses or co workers.. I played for man a lot of coaches and fair to say did not get along w all of em.. Saw guys hit, thrown, berated, and you are damn sure if I did not perform at the Junior high, aau, high school, or college level my coaches would hold me accountable. Nothing wrong with that at all..

Best statement I have heard about sports is "never seen a donkey win the Kentucky Derby".. Its fitting as most parents think their kid well is what they are not .. In competitive sports there are donkeys and 1%ers. Honestly what is your kid???

Parents are nuts, much worse than the coaches who are nuts, and plenty of players are nuts.. So get used to it or move on. If your kid has the ability, can put in the work, and has the genetics it will just get worse as they move through their career.. It would be better for your kid to work through it even if it is hard rather than have "daddy" or "mommy" call the administration.

Sports are not fair, the best team does not always win.. These are lessons sports can teach your kid and how they work through it will be in the end what they get out of sports..

Also to be honest and since you asked = if you had a thoroughbred and not a donkey this post would not be in a hunting forum..

 

[Sadie]

How dare you question one of the gods.

 

[Luked]

Personally I would get involved.
Its one thing to be tough...its a completely different thing to be an ass hat.
Not sure of the age but young kids are pretty maluable at younger ages. It could really be something that they carry them with them for a long time if they are being belittled and harassed and just flat out bullied by a coach.

 

[nphunter]

How old is this coach?

I think in his late 20’s

 

[nphunter]

Obviously you didn’t read my posts. The issue isn’t with my kid at all. The issue is some of the stuff I’ve heard he’s done to other kids. My sons already won two state championships in cross and is a starter on the varsity basketball team and just turned 15.

By the way thank you for responding to me, not everyday a 1%’er responds to a post, I feel honored.

Also to be honest and since you asked = if you had a thoroughbred and not a donkey this post would not be in a hunting forum..

 

[YellCoAR]

Be careful. Every situation is different. You might do more harm to your son. The comment to have him make his points and go direct to the coach is good advice. My wife went to a coach against my wishes. My son played football. he was being taken out of offence on passing situations. She asked the coach what he needed to work on. The coach took offense and my boy only played on offense a couple of plays for the next 3 games. He did start as cornerback on D. He played running back on offence. The team was in a close game and the other team scored to go ahead with less than 2 minutes left. The main running back went out of the game with injury on 3rd down with 35 second. They were on the their own 34 yard line. The coach had no choice and put my son in the game. He took the ball to the house on a 66 yard TD to win the game.
Said part was I was so upset I had went to the parking lot and missed the play. I did that to keep from making an ass of myself.

 

[IdahoElk]

Making light of a kids disability may mess him up for life, He needs to be dealt with immediately.

 

[ColoradoV]

Obviously you didn’t read my posts. The issue isn’t with my kid at all. The issue is some of the stuff I’ve heard he’s done to other kids. My sons already won two state championships in cross and is a starter on the varsity basketball team and just turned 15.

By the way thank you for responding to me, not everyday a 1%’er responds to a post, I feel honored.

I did read it = yea it’s never “your” kid.. Thx but I can’t take that 1%er label.. D2 “donkey” here not a 1%er.

Good luck to you kid wondering what his times are? Sub 15:30? Sounds like ya pry found your lane in long distance running if ya want to compete at a high level and it will have less coach interaction for someone sensitive..

In the end it will come down to your kid as anyone in the game for long enough will run into good and bad coaches = it will be about how he handles that challenge….

 

[5MilesBack]

It would be better for your kid to work through it even if it is hard rather than have "daddy" or "mommy" call the administration.

This ^^^^^.

It doesn't apply just to coaches/teachers, your kid will have to deal with people the rest of his life. Best to learn how to do that as a man early on.

 

[jmez]

ColoradoV hit the nail on the head. Far more parents are ruining youth sports than coaches.

 

[omicron1792]

Sounds like the coach is a real “winner.” Sad.

That said my dad coached for a living. I also coach a lot of youth sports. The advice about teaching the kid to work through the situation without parent intervention is sound. Obviously everything has a limit, but kids learn just as much from bad teams and coaches as the good ones.

Kids in our community get a lot of wins in life. Learning to deal with hardship often only happens in sports and is very positive for there growth.

 

[mxgsfmdpx]

I had an ass hat football coach my freshman year of high school. I expressed my concerns to my dad and he told me to go talk to coach and handle it. He said if it didn’t go well that he’d be willing to get involved.

The coach’s face was interesting when I asked him if we could talk after practice. He was a bit defensive at first and then eventually remorseful and apologetic of his behavior once I brought up the instances that were bothering me and some teammates.

He apologized to the whole team the next day which I wasn’t expecting and you could see him make an effort to be better for about 3 weeks or so. After that he slowly went back to his old ways unfortunately. I ended up playing varsity my sophomore year and he got promoted to varsity coach the same year. That was my last year playing football.

A bad coach can really drive someone away from a sport that they love/loved at the time, especially when you’re dealing with hormonal teenagers. It ended up being for the better for me personally as I shifted into hobbies and sports that I love and play to this day.

 

[SDHNTR]

I coached high school lacrosse for 10 years. Currently coaching two very competitive girls softball teams…

My philosophy has always been, firm but fair. You can push the kids and challenge them, but you can never make things personal. Either personal attacks or singling a kid out. That does nothing productive.

How entrenched is this coach? Is he also a teacher? Or just a part time contractor? Has he been there a long time, with a successful track record and is his program highly regarded?

If yes, right or wrong, he’s probably not going anywhere soon. In which case, you have two options… 1. If basketball is a life priority to your kid and your family and he has a bright future with the sport, consider changing schools. Or 2., if you prefer not moving, you’re going to have to teach your kid that there are assholes everywhere in life and learning how to deal with them is an important life skill. Try having your son talk to him first. After practice, not in front of anyone else. Candidly and respectfully have him explain how he felt disrespected. Any decent human being should take that kind of talk to heart. If that doesn’t work, you’re going to have to work around the guy and ignore his BS. Tell your kid to keep his head down, work hard, listen to the coach’s instruction, but ignore his offensive behavior. Out positive the coach and your kid will rise above.

If the coach is a newcomer, has no legacy and is unlikely to stick around anyway, he’s probably not a good coach at all and is just a jerk. In which case you should consider banding together with the other disgruntled parents and candidly, and in confidence, go visit with the Athletic Director. Organize your thoughts. Be prepared with proof. Calmly and politely provide specific examples of malfeasance, not rumors, and make your case for his termination/discipline. There is strength in numbers. Keep it civil or you will get nowhere.

If not comfortable with personal interaction with the AD, you could also do the same thing by writing an anonymous letter.

Sorry you have to deal with this. Bad coaches abound and they need to be dealt with. You cannot simply bury your head in the sand and hope it will get better. One way or the other, you need to take a proactive approach to help benefit your kid.

 

[GSPHUNTER]

Time for a new coach. If any coach has issues with a player he needs to talk to him in private. Belittling a play in front of the team can do no good....................

 

[Theringworm]

Lots of ways to deal with it, but you trying to be the Saviour for all is, IMO, not the approach to take. I don't care who your son or is or how good or bad he is as an athlete. That has absolutely nothing to do with anyone being mistreated.

Unless you have it on video you are only opening a can of worms that will likely bite you and your son in the a$$. In this world of "Karens" and "Dicks" (is that the male version of a Karen?) administrators have a difficult time of weeding through all of the nonsense to get to the real issues. They want physical proof because if you are wrong, now they are on the other end of a lawsuit.

Most coaches I have ever been around use "tough love" to communicate. Doesn't make it right, but it's no different than your son being in Basic Training and his drill instructor giving him the business 24/7. I am not condoning either behavior, I 100% do not agree with it. They have this mentality though that this/their behavior will get more out of the child/athlete/recruit. It's clearly not the case and there are indeed better ways to increase productivity.

I, for one, would not fight other parents battles for their child unless I personally witnessed something that clearly crossed the line. Physical contact would without question be that line. Verbal abuse can also fall into that but it's a delicate slope of how much I would allow to be said. Informing other parents about observed behavior by you is definitely appropriate. However, encouraging communication from the other kids on the team with their parents is a better route to take and would carry more weight I feel.

Additionally, I also would not fight my own sons battles unless the above lines were crossed. I however would educate my son on how to address it, deal with it and support him in whatever path he chose to take. If the entire team feels similarly as your son does, then they ALL should go to the AD and address it. No one can be singled out at that point.

 

[TSAMP]

This isn't as big of deal as you think it is.

 

[WCB]

Making fun of a player for hearing is a shit move by the coach. Other than that I have no problem with a coach pin pointing a player that may have screwed it up for the team if warranted. Had it happen once or twice to me and other teammates nobody had issues with it.

One of them the coach told the kids it was his fault because he made a bad coaching call going to the bench too early? Doesn't sound bad to me.

Promising kids playing time and not playing them...IDK. If it is 100% true he did this and didn't give a reason he changed his mind is bad form. Leave kids with questions usually isnt good.

Calling a kid a "bitch"...probably not a good call.

I've been on tons of teams and helped coach a few. If what the kids are saying is somewhat provable...I would have no issues with someone having a discussion with the coach or talk to the AD. Focus on the name calling or making fun of someone for a "disability". The "my kid should play more" or " he doesn't play all the kids equal" is a weak argument and subjective.