Hunting Time Allocation- HELP

[nphunter]

Backing off on hunting when the kids are little is a given IMO.

I’ve hunted my whole life as well. Quit several jobs similar to yours because I couldn’t get time off to hunt. (Road construction) Once I had kids they were my #1 priority, I still hunted some but there was probably a 5-7 year period when it was very seldom and in short stints. We still spent a lot of time in the woods with the kids (wife hunted also) but in the fall I seldom left for multiple day trips.

I took my oldest quite a bit when he was old enough to enjoy it and both boys when I could. Once the boys were old enough to keep up somewhat I started hunting more again. The boys tagged along and went most times to put out cams and scout as well. I took the kids as much as possible to give my wife a break.

My wife was also a stay at home mom until the boys were teens. She was a runner in school and started running again when the kids were young. I made sure she got her runs in, dropped her off for runs and went to her runs with the kids to watch. We even did several family runs when the kids were small even though I hate running. I made 80% of the year about her and the kids, never missed anything for them or her. Took the boys on many multiple day hunts when before high school sports.

Fast forward to current times and I hunt and scout about 100 days each year. I take the boys sometimes but they are into other things now, I also take my wife when she gets tags. Even during hunting season I make a point to get back home. I think I’ve missed 1 cross meet for the boys in the last 6-7 years. I prioritize making it important events even if it means giving up a day or two or making some all night trips down from camp and back.

This year I left on two out if town trips in September to watch the kid run cross and hang out with the wife. My wife knows how much I love being in the woods all of Sept and by me giving up several days it shows how much they mean to me and earns me some extra points.

I hunt enough now to make up for any lost time. I’d take the days with my kids over hunting any day of the week. All of my favorite memories of hunting are with my boys, half on unsuccessful hunts. Taking them as much as I could when they were small was the best thing I ever did. They both still enjoy hunting and I think it’s something they will do forever.

 

[DuckDawg22]

I'll be 37 next week, with an almost 3 yr old and just turned 1 yr old. The harsher responses here seem to be from older guys much further removed from young kids. This is a different world now, there has never been more pressure to just constantly be doing shit regardless of how little sense it makes. The lack of respect for one's time for the enjoyment of others is just something our parents' generation can't comprehend. And young kids are HARD, especially when you don't have the help that was promised by said parents only to discover they all of a sudden like going on European cruises multiple times per year instead. It's ok to scale back and be a dad for a few years, you're never going to get this time back.

I only got out for ducks twice last season, and put in for points only on game. I did get to fish a lot more this summer with the longer days. I could put the kids to bed and still get 2-3 hours on the water a few times per week.

Moral of the story is that you're only 25 and by the time you hit your mid 30s and more established in your career, your kids will be old enough that they'll be much easier on your wife, and you'll have more flexibility to take the time off both from work and home.

 

[AZDC]

Men need to challenge themselves and should constantly look at ways to do so and to improve themselves. I’ve always resonated with the saying “An idle mind is the devil’s playground”.

If your way to do that is hunting and you love to do that, that’s great! I started hunting right before I met my current girlfriend and actually made it a big point that I didn’t want to lose my own identity or goals because of our relationship. This was based of my previous relationship which I was in after HS until 21. She knows this and I encourage her to pursue her own goals and interests!

We (as men, although I think this applies to all people) need goals, we need to push ourselves, and we need to chase these challenges. The alternative is not better and leads to seeking other outlets (not good ones).

In my situation our work schedules are so different and we live on opposite sides of town so we hardily see each other more than 6-7 hrs a week including the weekend. We make it work the best we can. You should always be reflecting on if you’re a part of the problem. I can be too focused/selfish with my pursuits and forget about her or forget to include her but also don’t get taken advantage of and be firm when you think you’re compromising too much. We (& I) are trying to get better about planning weekly schedules, monthly schedule, and the following year in advance so we can set time aside to be together during the week, do fun things together, but also set time aside for the things we individually enjoy doing.

I’m sure when marriage/kids come along things will be different but we’ll adapt. Maybe I’ll buy a camper she can stay in while I hunt. We’ll figure it out!

Just keep having honest conversations with her. I hope she realizes how much happier you’ll be and how much happier you’ll be in your relationship if she can work to find a way to help you chase your goals (hunt obviously).

The attitude should be “How can we find a way to let you hunt but in a way that makes us both happy” and of course there’s compromise but you both should know what reasonable, healthy compromise looks like.

Final note, while I’m all for listening to others’ advice you don’t need to take it. I hope your wife realizes this too. My girlfriend and I both live and think very differently than our family. We listen to their advice and for the most part operate differently because we don’t have the same ideals/lifestyle in mind.

Good luck to you and your wife! I hope you figure it out.

 

[bucksnbirds]

At this point my wife just knows when I will be gone and has no problem with me throwing in random trips. Though I 100% make sure everything is fine on the home front before going. We have 4 children and she stays at her parents while I am gone the whole month of september. She prioritizes my me time quite a bit more than most wives. She isn't from a hunting family, but has taken up elk, deer, and turkey hunting to spend more time with me in my element.

As far as work, I chose my job based off of allowed time off. I'm a derrickhand on a drilling rig and absolutely hate it, but the pay is decent, and there is hardly another job like it when it comes to allowed time off. I hate my job and I hate the oil industry, but working 7 days on and 7 days off is hard to beat. I can take off 3 weeks by only missing a week of work. Its just sacrifices to be able to spend time in the outdoors.

I'd talk to your wife. There is 0 reason a man who provides and helps at home shouldn't be able to take some time for himself. In that same breath, remember that momma needs time for herself also.

 

[backcountry_hunter]

Time is not complex. There’s the same 24 hours in a day, every day.

Classic have my cake and eat it to, want the house, wife, family, job that pays well but when season arrives “I” should get to be selfish….

My seasons, success, time away, etc all improved when I stopped worrying about the above and made my domestic obligations 100% my first priority. Naturally or organically i was able to do more.

 

[Rich M]

Man.. this was written like a poet. Well said and solid advice, you’ve got some wisdom and I appreciate you sharing it sir.

I think it’s really well put that the few weeks during season are the tip of the iceberg, what happens the rest of the year is the meat and potatoes of it all.
This thread has given me some good advice and gotten the ball rolling on us having some heavy and important conversations, right here right now. Feels like my wife and I have made more progress(not even specifically in regards to my time away from the house, but relevant to it) in 2 days than we’ve made in 6 years.

It is hard to consider a lot of things we don't realize or understand when we get married. Best you can do is keep the communication channels open and flowing.

They don't think the way we do. Men are from Mars...short book - read it.

Anyway, my wife has done and asked for some things that really make me scratch my head. I've learned to ask questions and accept the answers while trying to figure out the underlying reasons.

 

[schroej]

I don't think ive seen this mentioned yet in this thread, but here is my plan as a new father:

Get an Airbnb out in the woods, and bring the family with. Its not the same as camping out in a tent with your buddies for a week, but you can find some places that are pretty close to good hunting grounds. The advantage is that your 7-day hunting trip now turns into 7 day hunts or even half-day hunts, and you get to see your family every night.

Bonus points if you can find somewhere close to things your wife might enjoy taking the kids to during the day, like a nature preserve, national park, pumpkin farm, etc.

 

[doc holiday13]

help adjust expectations. Find out from the wife what would make it seem more equitable for you to take that kind of time away. I'm not saying you don't deserve it. My wife doesn't have a problem with me going on week long hunts but I also try to make it equitable and let her take time away from home responsibilities

 

[bricketts]

help adjust expectations. Find out from the wife what would make it seem more equitable for you to take that kind of time away. I'm not saying you don't deserve it. My wife doesn't have a problem with me going on week long hunts but I also try to make it equitable and let her take time away from home responsibilities

I think this is a real good short and to the point summation of what the common overarching problem is in this matter, thank you.

Very well articulated point, find out what in the equation is feeling inequitable to her, and fix it. Thanks doc

 

[bricketts]

At this point my wife just knows when I will be gone and has no problem with me throwing in random trips. Though I 100% make sure everything is fine on the home front before going. We have 4 children and she stays at her parents while I am gone the whole month of september. She prioritizes my me time quite a bit more than most wives. She isn't from a hunting family, but has taken up elk, deer, and turkey hunting to spend more time with me in my element.

As far as work, I chose my job based off of allowed time off. I'm a derrickhand on a drilling rig and absolutely hate it, but the pay is decent, and there is hardly another job like it when it comes to allowed time off. I hate my job and I hate the oil industry, but working 7 days on and 7 days off is hard to beat. I can take off 3 weeks by only missing a week of work. Its just sacrifices to be able to spend time in the outdoors.

I'd talk to your wife. There is 0 reason a man who provides and helps at home shouldn't be able to take some time for himself. In that same breath, remember that momma needs time for herself also.

This comment wins in a lot of regards, and I think the point you bring up with the career you’ve chosen is relevant to a lot of things.

Not only does that schedule make getting the time off for hunting trips easy, but it’s also giving you solid, consistent time year round to be as present as possible and make sure all the wife’s/family’s needs are being met, which has been a real common factor in this thread. Time time time is of the essence. And if you’ve got a job taking all your time, other things start to crumple.

She often brings up when I got to work 4 10s about 4 years ago as being the happiest time of her life, and I couldn’t agree with her more. Those ended when my company hit the 3 years along spell of being behind schedule and undermanned on back to back to back projects.

To anyone else out there reading this, a lack of time truly can be a marriage killer(not that mine is at that point by any means but it’s struggled).

 

[bricketts]

Men need to challenge themselves and should constantly look at ways to do so and to improve themselves. I’ve always resonated with the saying “An idle mind is the devil’s playground”.

If your way to do that is hunting and you love to do that, that’s great! I started hunting right before I met my current girlfriend and actually made it a big point that I didn’t want to lose my own identity or goals because of our relationship. This was based of my previous relationship which I was in after HS until 21. She knows this and I encourage her to pursue her own goals and interests!

We (as men, although I think this applies to all people) need goals, we need to push ourselves, and we need to chase these challenges. The alternative is not better and leads to seeking other outlets (not good ones).

In my situation our work schedules are so different and we live on opposite sides of town so we hardily see each other more than 6-7 hrs a week including the weekend. We make it work the best we can. You should always be reflecting on if you’re a part of the problem. I can be too focused/selfish with my pursuits and forget about her or forget to include her but also don’t get taken advantage of and be firm when you think you’re compromising too much. We (& I) are trying to get better about planning weekly schedules, monthly schedule, and the following year in advance so we can set time aside to be together during the week, do fun things together, but also set time aside for the things we individually enjoy doing.

I’m sure when marriage/kids come along things will be different but we’ll adapt. Maybe I’ll buy a camper she can stay in while I hunt. We’ll figure it out!

Just keep having honest conversations with her. I hope she realizes how much happier you’ll be and how much happier you’ll be in your relationship if she can work to find a way to help you chase your goals (hunt obviously).

The attitude should be “How can we find a way to let you hunt but in a way that makes us both happy” and of course there’s compromise but you both should know what reasonable, healthy compromise looks like.

Final note, while I’m all for listening to others’ advice you don’t need to take it. I hope your wife realizes this too. My girlfriend and I both live and think very differently than our family. We listen to their advice and for the most part operate differently because we don’t have the same ideals/lifestyle in mind.

Good luck to you and your wife! I hope you figure it out.

I appreciate the time taken to write this and the well wishes to us!

I like your point about buying a camper, my dad I just purchased a larger wall tent a few weeks ago to accommodate her and my son on future trips, and she knows how Cadillac we make our current setup; she actually seems pretty excited to start going, whether it be this year or next!

And the scheduling, as you noted, is something from this I think I’ll take that we will start trying to implement better. She stays at home with our son so our free time is easily spent together and flexible, but I think no matter what it’s relevant and important to be mindful and have intent with how your time will be delegated, for anyone and everyone. We do a lot together and a lot as a family, but I think actually looking at how each weekend will be spent, even if it’s just marking them as “family time” will go a long ways in appreciating how much time we actually will be getting together(now that I’m not working so much).

Thanks again!

 

[bricketts]

I'll be 37 next week, with an almost 3 yr old and just turned 1 yr old. The harsher responses here seem to be from older guys much further removed from young kids. This is a different world now, there has never been more pressure to just constantly be doing shit regardless of how little sense it makes. The lack of respect for one's time for the enjoyment of others is just something our parents' generation can't comprehend. And young kids are HARD, especially when you don't have the help that was promised by said parents only to discover they all of a sudden like going on European cruises multiple times per year instead. It's ok to scale back and be a dad for a few years, you're never going to get this time back.

I only got out for ducks twice last season, and put in for points only on game. I did get to fish a lot more this summer with the longer days. I could put the kids to bed and still get 2-3 hours on the water a few times per week.

Moral of the story is that you're only 25 and by the time you hit your mid 30s and more established in your career, your kids will be old enough that they'll be much easier on your wife, and you'll have more flexibility to take the time off both from work and home.

I appreciate you calling out the blatant disrespect some of these replies are lathered with! I’ve just ignored them, but man they’ve made me shake my head. “Turn her in for a better model”

It’s funny, Im here in the predicament that I’m in asking for advice and yet I am still incredibly grateful times have changed the way they have and that I have the current expectations of me as a dad/husband! We as a society are better for it, our kids will be better for it.

Anyways, I appreciate this sound advice and hearing how you handled things in these early years. We are really lucky that so far her mom has held true to her word and comes over twice a week to keep my wife company/help out while I’m at work.
And I appreciate to hear that it gets easier and that you find your new normal once again. This is such a short, special time and I intend to soak up every second I can.
Congrats on the growing family to you!

 

[oldskool67]

Go now as much as you can. When you wait until your kids are out of the house and you are retired it might be too late. Ask me how I know

 

[PredatoronthePrairie]

Due to my busy schedule. I took my wife on our first date (first time we actually meet) to water a bunch of trees I had planted for habitat. She was all dressed up, I just got off work. She got stung by a honeybee from one of our hives. That kinda set the tone.

She's on 3 softball teams in the summer. After work I stay home with the kids, shot bows, and grow vegetables.

Come middle of Aug till end of Jan She knows it's hunting season of some sort.

She's shot 3 bucks and a cow elk with me acting as guide. So she knows the adrenaline dump involved. So she gets it. But it's still puts a strain on things at times with a 1 and 3yr old.

I take the adage of, I keep a roof over their head, healthy food on the table, bills paid and am with them about every day of the year otherwise. So I'm going to due what I need to due to feel fulfilled for the rest of the year.

Hunting makes me a better father year round due to the dedication involved. And they understand that.

Edit: need to add, I cook 85 percent of the meals, don't let her touch my laundry, and due way more than my fair share of the dishes. Mostly out of the way I prefer to due things. And so she has no grounds to complain.

 

[doc holiday13]

I think this is a real good short and to the point summation of what the common overarching problem is in this matter, thank you.

Very well articulated point, find out what in the equation is feeling inequitable to her, and fix it. Thanks doc

Another point i want to make on what I said, is women don't always interpret our directness. So in addition to that conversation, you may need to take actions to pin your wife into taking time. IE make the reservations and sending her the dates.

While my policy of saying yes to my wife wanting to do something on her own is working. It doesn't work for a friend of mine. His wife says he's taking vacations without the family she never gets to do that. He told her that she can take a self vacation whenever she wants and never does

So you might have to get creative to make it feel equitable for the wife

 

[Tod osier]

I appreciate you calling out the blatant disrespect some of these replies are lathered with! I’ve just ignored them, but man they’ve made me shake my head. “Turn her in for a better model”

I didn't go so far as to say that, but it is only one step away from where I stand. A little perspective here for you to consider, you are asking for marriage advice from a forum where the core group are obsessed hunters that have worked hard and sacrificed to have their lifestyle. Our lifestyle is to hunt and we want to be able to hunt as much as we like. I wouldn't be OK with less than 8-10 times the number of days afield hunting that your wife is complaining about. I did trips before, during and after kids. Sometimes the wife was along, sometimes the wife and kid, sometimes I was alone.

There are guys here that have been married to wonderful women for longer than you have been alive (me included). My wife is amazing, but I have been blindsided by some crazy BS from her, so I know not to pretend it can't happen, but I also know how to move forward and correct past issues.

You are providing for the family and deserve some time. A stay at home parenting job isn't all that hard (I've done it, hours are long) and that is the life she wants (her dream life from what I can tell given what you said). If it is your job to earn the money and her job to take care of the house then part of her job is to figure out how to make it work on her end while you have the time you deserve. There are a lot of stay at home folks that suck at their jobs and are unhappy. Just because she can't make it work in a way that allows you the time you need doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to live your life. Things will get worse before they get better. Kid number 2 and 3 will only serve to constrain you more.

 

[Chris in TN]

I hunted elk in 2010 (plus eastern deer of course) then barely got 2 days of deer hunting in 2011, maybe 4-5 days in 2012, maybe another 3-4 days in 2013 and then a week each in 2014, 2015, and 2016.

It's a normal and expected part of having kids.

Fast forward and now I hunted elk in 2020, hunted a ton of deer days in 2021, visited CO/MT/SD/WY in 2022, hunted elk in 2023, hunted elk in 2025 with my oldest daughter, a 15 day trip, and I have probably spent 15+ days hunting deer with my two younger kids this year and my youngest and I will likely go squirrel hunting this afternoon. We have lived on our own land since 2018 and I can hunt pretty much any day I want. I likely won't shoot a deer this year unless it's a public land doe, simply because I'm trying not to do anything at home to hinder my middle child's chances at a decent buck. She doesn't want to shoot does or small bucks and has passed up an honest dozen shots in the last 2 years at small bucks and does. I passed up a marginal deer the other day (easy shot, but only a 2 year old).

There are seasons of life. I went through the season where there was little time to hunt and right now I'm enjoying a ton of time to hunt. Embrace those seasons when your wife needs you at home. You'll look up one day and find yourself hauling kids to the woods.

 

[Marble]

After listening to the recent Storie Ratcliffe Rokcast episode, the ending really got me wanting to hear from others on the complex issue of time, especially in regards to time for scouting and your hunt with family and children.

A little info on myself, if it’s relevant:
I am 25 years old, and went on my first week long hunting trip at 4 with my dad and his camp of buddies. It became my greatest passion and has been ever since.
I got to start hunting gun in hand at 11 and had a good run until I was 18 when I graduated, taking a week off every year to chase blacktail or mule deer. We’d hunt weekends til the end of season if needed after the week long trip.
After graduating, I missed 2 years of hunting as I established myself in a career path, moved jobs and states, but eventually landed back in Western Wa to be with my now-wife.
2020 I was back at it, taking a week off every year and scouting when I could, but my hours at work ramped up from 2022-2024(anywhere from 5 10s to 7 12s), so time was limited. But I always took the week off to chase deer with my old man as that time is irreplaceable.

The problem is, those 9 days away from home have always been a point of contention in my marriage(wife isn’t a hunter but loves wild game meat). Even before the long hours. I hunted a handful of days this year but didn’t take an overnight trip anywhere as we had our first baby in July.

I am a heavy equipment operator for a large, reputable union company and also fulfill the responsibilities of a crew lead. We own our house and my wife is now a stay at home mom with our son. I commute an hour+ for work sometimes each way, and the past 10 months have finally been back on a normal 5 8s schedule. I take care of our home with chores and maintenance and everything in between. I know I am flawed but do my best as Robby has talked to about to ensure the home front is taken care of year round, and especially before I leave. We go on a week long vacation together every year and lots of weekend trips as well. Before anyone says this is a topic her and I need to discuss, trust me we do.

I’m asking for advice or suggestions for what worked for guys who have had to have these same conversations, this same conundrum, and what has worked and continues to work each year, especially with children in the mix.
Maybe I just went into the wrong industry and need a less demanding job


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When I married my wife, I was already a hunter and went on trips. She knew it was my passion. My first career was partially picked because of how much vacation time I would get. I'd take the entire month of October off. I would spend 10 days or so with family and the rest on day trips and a two-week hunt.

There were times when she complained to me about my hunting trips. I brought up the point that I did this before we were married and it is only something I can do during a certain period of time. She can do her hobbies year-round (shopping). Looking back, I think it was a jealousy thing. It wasn't money because I budgeted for it.

My hunting season and trips are non-negotiable. Meaning, I'm going to go no matter what, barring some unforeseen real emergency.

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[bricketts]

Another point i want to make on what I said, is women don't always interpret our directness. So in addition to that conversation, you may need to take actions to pin your wife into taking time. IE make the reservations and sending her the dates.

While my policy of saying yes to my wife wanting to do something on her own is working. It doesn't work for a friend of mine. His wife says he's taking vacations without the family she never gets to do that. He told her that she can take a self vacation whenever she wants and never does

So you might have to get creative to make it feel equitable for the wife

I think this is definitely a big part of my situation, thanks for sharing this!

I’ve definitely given mine the green light for years that she can take a trip for herself if she wants, she has the same freedoms I do, etc, but only once has done so(week long road trip with her sister).
She has said before she doesn’t understand how I don’t feel “guilty” for taking the time that I do, her tone wasn’t in an implication manner that I should, but rather that she does when she takes time like that and wishes she didn’t. I will definitely start marking calendar days where she’s gonna be forced to go do something and really pushing her on taking a trip with her mom or sister or friends every year.

Thanks again for sharing and your time taken to respond!

 

[bricketts]

I didn't go so far as to say that, but it is only one step away from where I stand. A little perspective here for you to consider, you are asking for marriage advice from a forum where the core group are obsessed hunters that have worked hard and sacrificed to have their lifestyle. Our lifestyle is to hunt and we want to be able to hunt as much as we like. I wouldn't be OK with less than 8-10 times the number of days afield hunting that your wife is complaining about. I did trips before, during and after kids. Sometimes the wife was along, sometimes the wife and kid, sometimes I was alone.

There are guys here that have been married to wonderful women for longer than you have been alive (me included). My wife is amazing, but I have been blindsided by some crazy BS from her, so I know not to pretend it can't happen, but I also know how to move forward and correct past issues.

You are providing for the family and deserve some time. A stay at home parenting job isn't all that hard (I've done it, hours are long) and that is the life she wants (her dream life from what I can tell given what you said). If it is your job to earn the money and her job to take care of the house then part of her job is to figure out how to make it work on her end while you have the time you deserve. There are a lot of stay at home folks that suck at their jobs and are unhappy. Just because she can't make it work in a way that allows you the time you need doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to live your life. Things will get worse before they get better. Kid number 2 and 3 will only serve to constrain you more.

Thank you for clarifying and I apologize for misinterpreting your stance, I can go back and edit my previous post if you’d like.

I did expect some comments of the above stated manner, like you said the audience I asked for advice would warrant some. And like you said, even the best of people can blindside you with some unexpected behavior at times and it’s good to not be naive to it! I appreciate you including that anecdote in your reply.

I definitely resonate with the fact that I have sacrificed and worked my tail off to be where we are at at the age we are, and in that same breath my wife has done the same and I wouldn’t be in the position we are in without her.

I think I may have made this post about a year or two earlier than I maybe should have, as she’s only 4 months into being a stay at home mom(which yes has been her dream), and of course this year was an exception to my time afield with a 3 month old at home, I am optimistic to see what this next season brings with her hopefully feeling like things are a bit more equitable now in regards to us pursuing and loving our dreams and passions. I also think yourself and many others have provided some incredible advice and tips that are relevant advice to getting ahead of things going south/further south for myself and will help me make sure that that optimism is met this next fall. And its also given me some great insight on areas where I was dropping the ball as a husband and has opened some great conversation for my wife and I, which is what I had hoped to learn from this thread. I came to it with the mindset that I deserve to pursue my passion/obsession but that I am flawed and there could be valid reason my wife has had push back against it.

Anyways, all that said, I thank you again for your replies and insights and sharing your personal experience! You sir have some wisdom under your belt and I really appreciate you sharing it with a young buck like myself