Hunting Time Allocation- HELP

[nphunter]

Backing off on hunting when the kids are little is a given IMO.

I’ve hunted my whole life as well. Quit several jobs similar to yours because I couldn’t get time off to hunt. (Road construction) Once I had kids they were my #1 priority, I still hunted some but there was probably a 5-7 year period when it was very seldom and in short stints. We still spent a lot of time in the woods with the kids (wife hunted also) but in the fall I seldom left for multiple day trips.

I took my oldest quite a bit when he was old enough to enjoy it and both boys when I could. Once the boys were old enough to keep up somewhat I started hunting more again. The boys tagged along and went most times to put out cams and scout as well. I took the kids as much as possible to give my wife a break.

My wife was also a stay at home mom until the boys were teens. She was a runner in school and started running again when the kids were young. I made sure she got her runs in, dropped her off for runs and went to her runs with the kids to watch. We even did several family runs when the kids were small even though I hate running. I made 80% of the year about her and the kids, never missed anything for them or her. Took the boys on many multiple day hunts when before high school sports.

Fast forward to current times and I hunt and scout about 100 days each year. I take the boys sometimes but they are into other things now, I also take my wife when she gets tags. Even during hunting season I make a point to get back home. I think I’ve missed 1 cross meet for the boys in the last 6-7 years. I prioritize making it important events even if it means giving up a day or two or making some all night trips down from camp and back.

This year I left on two out if town trips in September to watch the kid run cross and hang out with the wife. My wife knows how much I love being in the woods all of Sept and by me giving up several days it shows how much they mean to me and earns me some extra points.

I hunt enough now to make up for any lost time. I’d take the days with my kids over hunting any day of the week. All of my favorite memories of hunting are with my boys, half on unsuccessful hunts. Taking them as much as I could when they were small was the best thing I ever did. They both still enjoy hunting and I think it’s something they will do forever.

 

[DuckDawg22]

I'll be 37 next week, with an almost 3 yr old and just turned 1 yr old. The harsher responses here seem to be from older guys much further removed from young kids. This is a different world now, there has never been more pressure to just constantly be doing shit regardless of how little sense it makes. The lack of respect for one's time for the enjoyment of others is just something our parents' generation can't comprehend. And young kids are HARD, especially when you don't have the help that was promised by said parents only to discover they all of a sudden like going on European cruises multiple times per year instead. It's ok to scale back and be a dad for a few years, you're never going to get this time back.

I only got out for ducks twice last season, and put in for points only on game. I did get to fish a lot more this summer with the longer days. I could put the kids to bed and still get 2-3 hours on the water a few times per week.

Moral of the story is that you're only 25 and by the time you hit your mid 30s and more established in your career, your kids will be old enough that they'll be much easier on your wife, and you'll have more flexibility to take the time off both from work and home.

 

[AZDC]

Men need to challenge themselves and should constantly look at ways to do so and to improve themselves. I’ve always resonated with the saying “An idle mind is the devil’s playground”.

If your way to do that is hunting and you love to do that, that’s great! I started hunting right before I met my current girlfriend and actually made it a big point that I didn’t want to lose my own identity or goals because of our relationship. This was based of my previous relationship which I was in after HS until 21. She knows this and I encourage her to pursue her own goals and interests!

We (as men, although I think this applies to all people) need goals, we need to push ourselves, and we need to chase these challenges. The alternative is not better and leads to seeking other outlets (not good ones).

In my situation our work schedules are so different and we live on opposite sides of town so we hardily see each other more than 6-7 hrs a week including the weekend. We make it work the best we can. You should always be reflecting on if you’re a part of the problem. I can be too focused/selfish with my pursuits and forget about her or forget to include her but also don’t get taken advantage of and be firm when you think you’re compromising too much. We (& I) are trying to get better about planning weekly schedules, monthly schedule, and the following year in advance so we can set time aside to be together during the week, do fun things together, but also set time aside for the things we individually enjoy doing.

I’m sure when marriage/kids come along things will be different but we’ll adapt. Maybe I’ll buy a camper she can stay in while I hunt. We’ll figure it out!

Just keep having honest conversations with her. I hope she realizes how much happier you’ll be and how much happier you’ll be in your relationship if she can work to find a way to help you chase your goals (hunt obviously).

The attitude should be “How can we find a way to let you hunt but in a way that makes us both happy” and of course there’s compromise but you both should know what reasonable, healthy compromise looks like.

Final note, while I’m all for listening to others’ advice you don’t need to take it. I hope your wife realizes this too. My girlfriend and I both live and think very differently than our family. We listen to their advice and for the most part operate differently because we don’t have the same ideals/lifestyle in mind.

Good luck to you and your wife! I hope you figure it out.

 

[bucksnbirds]

At this point my wife just knows when I will be gone and has no problem with me throwing in random trips. Though I 100% make sure everything is fine on the home front before going. We have 4 children and she stays at her parents while I am gone the whole month of september. She prioritizes my me time quite a bit more than most wives. She isn't from a hunting family, but has taken up elk, deer, and turkey hunting to spend more time with me in my element.

As far as work, I chose my job based off of allowed time off. I'm a derrickhand on a drilling rig and absolutely hate it, but the pay is decent, and there is hardly another job like it when it comes to allowed time off. I hate my job and I hate the oil industry, but working 7 days on and 7 days off is hard to beat. I can take off 3 weeks by only missing a week of work. Its just sacrifices to be able to spend time in the outdoors.

I'd talk to your wife. There is 0 reason a man who provides and helps at home shouldn't be able to take some time for himself. In that same breath, remember that momma needs time for herself also.

 

[backcountry_hunter]

Time is not complex. There’s the same 24 hours in a day, every day.

Classic have my cake and eat it to, want the house, wife, family, job that pays well but when season arrives “I” should get to be selfish….

My seasons, success, time away, etc all improved when I stopped worrying about the above and made my domestic obligations 100% my first priority. Naturally or organically i was able to do more.

 

[Rich M]

Man.. this was written like a poet. Well said and solid advice, you’ve got some wisdom and I appreciate you sharing it sir.

I think it’s really well put that the few weeks during season are the tip of the iceberg, what happens the rest of the year is the meat and potatoes of it all.
This thread has given me some good advice and gotten the ball rolling on us having some heavy and important conversations, right here right now. Feels like my wife and I have made more progress(not even specifically in regards to my time away from the house, but relevant to it) in 2 days than we’ve made in 6 years.

It is hard to consider a lot of things we don't realize or understand when we get married. Best you can do is keep the communication channels open and flowing.

They don't think the way we do. Men are from Mars...short book - read it.

Anyway, my wife has done and asked for some things that really make me scratch my head. I've learned to ask questions and accept the answers while trying to figure out the underlying reasons.