How do you deal with suicide....

[hereinaz]

I am so sorry for the loss. It can be so hard to fathom.

I lost a nephew many years ago. Only as the years have passed have I come to understand that mental health can cause an invisible pain so great that the subconscious mind drives the person to the only apparent solution.

See a counselor, see a minister, find someone to talk to that you can share your thoughts and feelings. We need each other in every sense of the word.

The obstacle is the way, and happiness lies on the other side of pain. It’s a partnership between souls to help each other through the pain. And, it still takes choices to talk.

Suicide seems to comes when it feels hopeless and there is no other apparent way to escape the pain. It comes when talking about it, confronting the obstacle seems to brings too much pain/anxiety to talk about to get to the happiness on the other side.

Healing of all kinds always lies on the other side of the obstacle.

We are not just random people on the internet, we care and some of us have made it through the pain to the other side.

Hang in there, you have the strength to face it. When you face it, you will come to understand your loved ones more.

And, after it happens, we have to understand that we could do everything right, but the illness in our loved ones was too great. It is not our fault.

 

[mtnwrunner]

Man, you can NEVER understand why people do what they do. It happened and to be blunt, those left behind have to deal with it.
There are professionals in life for a reason and I highly recommend talking with one of them who deal in suicide. And talk with anyone else who will listen. There are other ways of handling stress also but it has to be healthy.
Sorry you and others have to go through this but find some help and you will get through it.

Randy

 

[BeastOfTheTrees]

Lost one of my best buddies from the service last year. Completely unexpected. We hadn’t talked in a couple years and it was because I always thought he had his shit together and I felt like I didn’t. Moral of the story is, you truly never know what’s going on in someone’s head. The simplest, “how are you” literally saves people’s lives.

At his funeral I reconnected with a couple buddies and we all said we have all had those thoughts and one was real close to doling it. The. Our buddy went, saved a couple of people. We joked like wow he would pull everyone out of ruts alive and dead.

All we can do is try to be the studs that our buddies or family would want us to be.

 

[justin davis]

My wife’s niece just killed herself (age 26) a few weeks ago. No note, no signs. The family was left wondering why or what even happened to lead up to it?

Working in the fire service we see suicide attempts and suicides all the time. They are always so sad for me. Makes me sad for the individual and especially for the family left behind.



I think the thing to remember is from the outside we see it as selfish and “how could they do that to their family.” But When people are going thru it they think they are actually helping their family and making the world a better place.

 

[CorbLand]

The mental place that people can get to is astonishing. The brain is very powerful and can lead you to some dark places.

Unless you have been there, I don’t think you will truly understand it. You will convince yourself that you suck at everything, your life will not get better, there is nothing you can do. Your friends don’t actually care about you. Your family only loves you because they have to out of obligation. Why continue to suffer?

Things like that. You will fight it and fight it but eventually you just get tired of fighting. I don’t think anyone really wants to kill themselves, they do it because they think it’s the only solution to have peace.

What can people do to help with it? Let people know that you care about them. Don’t just say it, show it. Invite them to little trivial things. Call them when your driving home from work for 10 minutes. Just let them know you think about them other than when you want or need something from them.

I faced those demons. Fought them for years and finally decided I was done, I was tired of it and they won. I was driving to one of my favorite places, pistol in the passenger seat. I had to drive by one of my friends house and decided I would stop in to see them one last time.(or maybe a last ditch effort for help, I don’t know) I walked to the door, knocked and nobody answered. I was opening my pickup door when a car pulled in and my buddy opened the door and yelled “what’s up cracker?” They had family over so I said “was just out this way and was stopping in to shoot the shit, but I will come back another time where you have family.” His wife’s response was “come in, your always welcome here.”

That is probably the only reason I get to post here and annoy all of you.

 

[Luked]

My wifes brother committed suicide when he was 17. She was 15.
it still haunts her to this day and probably always will.
Personally I cant standthe "coward" comment. honestly pisses me off.
For her brother it was a lot of factors. He was epeleptic and they could not get his seizures under control. Due to not getting them under control he was on a ton of different meds which really can mess you up mentally. My wife is also epeleptic but her medication is a lot more under control. Different day and age also though from when her brother was having issues and when she did.

Depression is no joke. And a lot of medications put you in that state without your control.
There is no way to tell how someone truely is deep down unless you dig and thats not an easy thing to get into to. Unless you really talk to the person and take what they say to heart and put your own opinions out of it for the good of that person is the only way to get anywhere.

but im sorry to just blanket the "coward" comment personally in my opinion is bull shit.

 

[PlumberED]

Suicide is so hard to deal with, it is as if a bomb goes off in a family that kills one person but also has all kinds of collateral damage. My wife and I never had a suicide in either side of our family until August 16, 2018, when my FIL shot himself with his 308. The entire family was devastated. This event has changed our whole family and will haunt us forever. The grief is horrible, we alternate between anger and sadness. It has gotten better but it is still hard. You never really know what is in someone’s head.

 

[robtattoo]

My wifes brother committed suicide when he was 17. She was 15.
it still haunts her to this day and probably always will.
Personally I cant standthe "coward" comment. honestly pisses me off.
For her brother it was a lot of factors. He was epeleptic and they could not get his seizures under control. Due to not getting them under control he was on a ton of different meds which really can mess you up mentally. My wife is also epeleptic but her medication is a lot more under control. Different day and age also though from when her brother was having issues and when she did.

Depression is no joke. And a lot of medications put you in that state without your control.
There is no way to tell how someone truely is deep down unless you dig and thats not an easy thing to get into to. Unless you really talk to the person and take what they say to heart and put your own opinions out of it for the good of that person is the only way to get anywhere.

but im sorry to just blanket the "coward" comment personally in my opinion is bull shit.

Thank you for saying that. I've never understood the selfish mentality of people who shout 'coward' towards suicide.
I have come incredibly close myself. Never to the point of attempt, but it was constantly on my mind for months. Believe me, nobody does it on a whim. It takes months & years for a person to get to that point & as Corb said above, it can just take 1 tiny little positive to turn it around.
As for dealing with it, I'm sorry, I can't be much help other than reiterating what others have already said. Talk to someone. Professional for preference.

 

[MuleyFever]

My wifes brother committed suicide when he was 17. She was 15.
it still haunts her to this day and probably always will.
Personally I cant standthe "coward" comment. honestly pisses me off.
For her brother it was a lot of factors. He was epeleptic and they could not get his seizures under control. Due to not getting them under control he was on a ton of different meds which really can mess you up mentally. My wife is also epeleptic but her medication is a lot more under control. Different day and age also though from when her brother was having issues and when she did.

Depression is no joke. And a lot of medications put you in that state without your control.
There is no way to tell how someone truely is deep down unless you dig and thats not an easy thing to get into to. Unless you really talk to the person and take what they say to heart and put your own opinions out of it for the good of that person is the only way to get anywhere.

but im sorry to just blanket the "coward" comment personally in my opinion is bull shit.

I feel the same about that and the "selfish" comments.

 

[Beendare]

I spent 2 years working for our local Suicide hot line.

People resort to suicide because they don’t have the mental tools to deal with the anguish that is torturing them. If you suspect someone is struggling with an issue..get them to a professional that will help give them the tools to deal with it.

Survivors have the same issues.…see someone, its worth it.

Our mind can be a horrible echo chamber. We focus on the negative Instead of the many positives.

We have to learn that every problem can be solved and not to torture ourself with it. Sometimes just positive action on whatever it is- with a LT plan to solve it relieves the pressure we put on ourselves.

I don’t profess to be an expert, but its easy to find one.

 

[Stave]

Someone mentioned that suicide leaves a wound that never heals. I agree with that. Grandma is 100 years old. One of her nine children suicided in '93. If you mention her son Rick the pain is still there in her. She has learned to live despite the loss and even to be happy and enjoy life, but she hopes in heaven to be reunited with her son. Short of heaven, I don't think a parent ever fully heals from that.

For me, I've been depressed but never suicidal. What helps me is doing things I love with people I love even when I don't want to. I got so depressed a few years back I didn't want to do the things I love--hunt or visit friends--it is hard to explain but I just had no ability to feel anything and it was exhausting and painful to be around people I loved and not enjoy any part of it.

I explained to my best friend why I was pulling away from friends and family. He told me to visit him anytime, he wouldn't mind if I was having a bad day or felt empty, wouldn't even bring it up, we could just do things together: hiking, chores, archery, grilling. We did things together. It was horribly difficult, but I just kept showing up. Eventually, talking about it became easier and natural. He got me through and is still helping me. The lesson I learned was: Find someone I trust. Stay connected. Plan things together. Set goals. Keep striving. You won't always feel this way.

This is the verse I turn to when I am at the bottom: "Behold, I make all things new" Revelation 21:5

Indeed, He does

ps-thanks to the OP for opening up the topic

 

[Stave]

The obstacle is the way

I agree. The way Jesus put it is "Take up your cross"

 

[IDVortex]

I’d recommend talking to a counselor, even if one thinks they don’t need itit.

This x1000.

We live in a society that to be a big bad tough guy that guys are to bottle their shit up. It's killing us. Literally killing us.


Thanks a lot to Covid and politics the last 8ish years, depression has taken a ugly hold on to America, and it's not being dealt with like it needs to be. Everyone deals with it, some worse then others.

Dealing with love ones that choose suicide needs to be dealt with a counselor. Use to think people who committed suicide was weak, now with my knowledge and growing understanding of the darkness of suicide, when it comes to guys, we are very drastic with our decisions when it involves our selves and trying to fix something.

I hurt for you, and really encourage you to talk to a professional, that is how you can start the healing and forgiveness, and come out a better man. Bitterness can also lead to worse depression and then suicide.

 

[thinhorn_AK]

You have to be extremely careful about the people you marry and have childeren with as well as the type of life you decide to lead.

Making poor choices can lead to situations where you may feel backed into a corner. I know a guy who recently killed himself because he was broke and had around 12 thousand dollars in court fees due to some woman he had a kid with.

 

[LookinforDirt]

My wife’s cousin shot himself. Left a little baby behind. He was on medication for depression some feel contributed. I have a cousin who has tried and he shows signs he will try again someday. One of my sister’s best friends hung herself. She was a friend of mine too. No one saw it coming. Stripped naked and hung herself over the banner facing the front door hallway so it would be the first thing her fiancée saw entering the house. He was a depressed mess for years after that. Understand also the people left behind are struggling and trying to deal and make sense of it all. They may seem angry but what they really are is devastatingly hurt. And they themselves can be put into their own depression by it. They may angrily see it as a cowardly act. Talk to them with sympathy also. Help them understand and get through it. Agreed, suicide is a mental illness and isn’t fixed easily. Therapy, family, and friends and some luck are what’s needed.

 

[TheHammer]

I haven’t seen someone mention anything about chemical imbalance, a proton or neuron issue. Being someone who did community outreach working with those struggling with sobriety issues. I unfortunately got to walk a few people off that edge and you’d be surprised how many people are right there. I dealt with a lot of out casts of our local society, one common issue was that silly little orange bottle that only comes from a doctor, doing more harm than good and I’m not referring to the opioid epidemic. In todays world everything and everyone needs a label, which I think is horse pucky. We are communal beings, needing to belong, the church is still alive but from what I see is unfortunately more of the population doesn’t belong to one leaving a hole in us and a society that no longer has Judea Christian values.. Anyways… Once we start messing with our chemicals from these prescriptions the side affects tend to be more profound then the initial problem at hand, which I seen mentioned. I’m sorry to everyone on here who’s been affected by this and I’m sorry for everyone on here who’s walked/walking the mental gauntlet and struggling with the idea of the world being without them. Someone mentioned a Bible verse that helped them. I will share mine.
Proverbs 3:5-6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.

As men we sometimes have to walk through fire and overcome adversity. This is essential to become a different version of us to move forward and become whomever we need to become in order to handle the next situation we are gifted in this beautiful life. I say laugh at adversity and call it opportunity, opportunity to build character. If someone needs something reach out. I’m typically awake from 5am-1am

 

[Red Letters]

…

 

[insanelupus]

I helped with some resilience and suicide prevention training last year. During one of my continuing education courses a therapist offered an amazing insight when discussing with someone who is potentially suicidal.

He recommended an alternative to asking only the big question, "Do you want to kill yourself?"

Rather he started using, "Do you want to kill yourself, or do you just want the pain to stop? "

Those are two very different things and helps really focus the conversation. Having seen the response to that last question on a very limited basis, the effect was profound.

It also really brought into focus the issue often at hand. Suicide often times becomes the last ditch effort to make the pain stop. There are, of course, many pain sources as well as resources for contending with that, but in that moment, a suicidal person is often not experiencing what many perceive as rational thought.

My sincerest condolences to those who have lost friends and loved ones to suicide. While loss from death is always difficult, loss from suicide is a compounding factor to that loss.

 

[MattB]

Not posting for pity. I'm more posting to remind you to talk to your friends, talk to those who you haven't heard from. Offer a listening ear or even just a hug or a text hello. Iv had 3 family members kill themselves in the last 5 years. 2 cousins which were brothers killed themselves same condo same way 2 years apart... Alcohol and depression was a big factor. Both had kids and ex wives... how could you be such a coward and leave your kids like that. Its been eating at me mentally the last few weeks since my cousin took his life and I cant seem to process it.. just kind of venting cause who do i talk to about this? just hug your family and hug your friends. stay mentally strong

I am very sorry for your loss.

One thing I have learned about suicide is that most people are not in their right mind when they kill themselves. For a person not in that mindset trying to understand their thought process is an exercise in futility and frustration. Not sure whether that will help you process it and gain closure, but it was helpful to me.

My sense is all you can do is be a good husband, father, and friend. Lend and ear to those who need it and don't be afraid to ask tough questions if you sense anyone close to you is going in that direction.

 

[Stave]

I went to a suicide prevention seminar once. The organization came up from Louisiana to Evansville, Indiana (can't remember the name of the organization now). They were organizing suicide-response teams in communities wherever they could. If a suicide was reported to 911, dispatch would notify the local team of volunteers. The team would visit the survivors, give them gifts, get their contact info, and follow up with regular support and resources. Everyone on the team was someone who had actually lost someone to suicide themselves, so they were able to sympathize and understand more than most.

If you've lost someone to suicide, make connections with others who have already walked that path and know the way.