Ha Ha Ha - Joke!
- Thread starter ElkNut1
- Start date
I agree! It seems like it’s the same people getting all the good threads shutdown. Take it to Facebook nobody wants hear your crap here.
GSPHUNTER
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I agree , no more from me on that subject..
rclouse79
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This one is long and from memory, but I think it is appropriate for a hunting forum.
Bill, Ben and Bob have been sharing an elk camp for 25 years. They all meet up during the summer and Bob breaks the news that his wife finally put her foot down and he will not be able to go elk hunting this year. After fielding countless insults and requests Bob says that there is nothing he can do.
The day before the opener Bill and Ben head up to set camp and are shocked to see Bob is already there. The wall tent is up and a bonfire is already burning. They jump out with a confused look on their face.
Bob says “ As the opener got closer I spent more and more time moping around the house. I guess she finally got the message. I was sitting in my chair watching tv last night and she sneaks up behind me and whispers in my ear to meet her in the bedroom in five minutes. When I go to make my way up the stairs I see there is a trail of rose petals leading up to the bedroom. I open the door and find the room filled with lit candles. There she was in a new get up from Victoria Secret with her wrists and ankles handcuffed to the bed posts. In her sexiest voice she said “Do anything you want”. So here I am!”
Bill, Ben and Bob have been sharing an elk camp for 25 years. They all meet up during the summer and Bob breaks the news that his wife finally put her foot down and he will not be able to go elk hunting this year. After fielding countless insults and requests Bob says that there is nothing he can do.
The day before the opener Bill and Ben head up to set camp and are shocked to see Bob is already there. The wall tent is up and a bonfire is already burning. They jump out with a confused look on their face.
Bob says “ As the opener got closer I spent more and more time moping around the house. I guess she finally got the message. I was sitting in my chair watching tv last night and she sneaks up behind me and whispers in my ear to meet her in the bedroom in five minutes. When I go to make my way up the stairs I see there is a trail of rose petals leading up to the bedroom. I open the door and find the room filled with lit candles. There she was in a new get up from Victoria Secret with her wrists and ankles handcuffed to the bed posts. In her sexiest voice she said “Do anything you want”. So here I am!”
Last edited:
You know its not considered a dad joke until its full groan, right?
GSPHUNTER
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I was taking the grandson to the park to play with his friends when the dump truck in front of us spilled some trash and a dildo bounced up and hit the windshield. Not wanting to be embarrassed, I said don't worry it was just a bug. He looked at me and said, I'm surprised it could even get off the ground with a cock that big.
Noooooo
The only time worse is during a game of fake heart attack. [Demetri Martin]
So one day little Jonny goes to class and the teacher says they’re doing a verbal exam.
For the exam the students will have to give a real life story and also tell the moral of the story.
Little Suzy goes first:
Suzy: ”On Saturdays my dad and I bring our eggs to market. If we don’t pack them with care… our eggs break along the way.”
Teacher: “thats a great story but what’s the moral?”
Suzy: “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!”
Teacher: “A+ Suzy!”
Then it’s Annie’s turn:
Annie: ”My dad and I also raise chickens! Sometime when we gather our eggs and put them in the incubator we have a dozen eggs, but only 8 will hatch!”
Teacher: “That’s a great story but what’s the moral?”
Annie: “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch!”
Teacher: “A+ Annie!!”
Then it’s vulgar Jonny’s turn:
Jonny: “My uncle Terry was in VietNAM! He’s flyin in a plane gettin’ all shot up, then the plane starts to go into a tailspin!!! He grabs a case of beer, a machete, and a machine gun, then jumps out the back of the plane!!!! Half way to the ground, he finishes his last beer and starts unloading his machine gun on the enemy!!! Just before he hits the ground, he surveys the landscape, tucks, and rolls into his enemy finishing every remaining one with his machete!!!!”
Teacher: “well that’s a colorful story Jonny, but what’s the moral?”
Jonny: “Don’t F**k with uncle Terry when he’s drunk”
For the exam the students will have to give a real life story and also tell the moral of the story.
Little Suzy goes first:
Suzy: ”On Saturdays my dad and I bring our eggs to market. If we don’t pack them with care… our eggs break along the way.”
Teacher: “thats a great story but what’s the moral?”
Suzy: “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!”
Teacher: “A+ Suzy!”
Then it’s Annie’s turn:
Annie: ”My dad and I also raise chickens! Sometime when we gather our eggs and put them in the incubator we have a dozen eggs, but only 8 will hatch!”
Teacher: “That’s a great story but what’s the moral?”
Annie: “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch!”
Teacher: “A+ Annie!!”
Then it’s vulgar Jonny’s turn:
Jonny: “My uncle Terry was in VietNAM! He’s flyin in a plane gettin’ all shot up, then the plane starts to go into a tailspin!!! He grabs a case of beer, a machete, and a machine gun, then jumps out the back of the plane!!!! Half way to the ground, he finishes his last beer and starts unloading his machine gun on the enemy!!! Just before he hits the ground, he surveys the landscape, tucks, and rolls into his enemy finishing every remaining one with his machete!!!!”
Teacher: “well that’s a colorful story Jonny, but what’s the moral?”
Jonny: “Don’t F**k with uncle Terry when he’s drunk”
Beendare
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GSPHUNTER
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I was discussing knee surgery with the surgeon and asked him how often do people die when under anesthesia. He said, just once.
A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says "get out, we don't serve your kind here".
The string leaves and runs into a guy on the sidewalk and asks him to tie him into a knot and mess his hair up. Guy says ok, whatever.
String walks back into the same bar and again orders a beer. Bartender says "hey, aren't you that string I just threw out a minute ago?"
Strings says "nope, I'm a frayed knot"
Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
The string leaves and runs into a guy on the sidewalk and asks him to tie him into a knot and mess his hair up. Guy says ok, whatever.
String walks back into the same bar and again orders a beer. Bartender says "hey, aren't you that string I just threw out a minute ago?"
Strings says "nope, I'm a frayed knot"
Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
EastHumboldt
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Once I was traveling on a little music tour with my wife. After a long day of driving I took the luggage up to the hotel room. Then I went back down and brought up the two guitars and the mandolin. I was just too tired to make one more trip for the banjo so I left it in the car. The next morning I came out to find a pile of broken glass next to the truck and my worst fears realized. There on the seat next to my banjo, someone had left two accordions.
Whats the difference between a banjo and a trampoline? You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
How can you tell if a guitar player has perfect pitch? When he throws a banjo he hits the dumpster on the first try.
How do you tell if your stage is level? The banjo player is drooling out of BOTH sides of his mouth.
Whats the difference between a banjo and a trampoline? You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
How can you tell if a guitar player has perfect pitch? When he throws a banjo he hits the dumpster on the first try.
How do you tell if your stage is level? The banjo player is drooling out of BOTH sides of his mouth.
City Elementry school the teacher is having show and tell with pictures.
She holds up a picture of a cat.
Little Tanya says, that's a kitty cat.
Next she holds up a picture of a dog.
Little Robby says, that's a puppy dog.
Next she holds up a picture of a Deer (a buck of course)
No one knows what the heck that critter is.
Finally she says I'll give you a clue, sometimes your mommy calls your daddy this.
Little Ryan raises his hand and starts waiving it and yells out
THATS A HORNY BASTARD.
She holds up a picture of a cat.
Little Tanya says, that's a kitty cat.
Next she holds up a picture of a dog.
Little Robby says, that's a puppy dog.
Next she holds up a picture of a Deer (a buck of course)
No one knows what the heck that critter is.
Finally she says I'll give you a clue, sometimes your mommy calls your daddy this.
Little Ryan raises his hand and starts waiving it and yells out
THATS A HORNY BASTARD.
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