Empty Nester Blues

[GARLICSALT]

Youngest daughter moved out 7 years ago, wife and I have been cruising around naked ever since.

Get it while the Gettings good.

 

[Yoder]

Is that true?

I was out at 18, wife too. I could see my son being out at 18. Daughter will be out sooner because she’ll be in juvie!

Seems like it. I was out two weeks before my 19th birthday.

 

[JFK]

You guys who have grown kids out of the house have any advice? I hear a lot of parents say “I wish I did some things different.” As the dad of two young kids, I’m curious what those things would be with the benefit of hindsight.

 

[fwafwow]

You guys who have grown kids out of the house have any advice? I hear a lot of parents say “I wish I did some things different.” As the dad of two young kids, I’m curious what those things would be with the benefit of hindsight.

I wish I spent more time with them, and when I was with them that I was thinking longer term (and not about work, what insignificant thing they may not have done, etc.). Now one of my overall goals is to figure out how to keep the 4 of us as close as possible, geographically and overall.

 

[Rob5589]

I wish I spent more time with them, and when I was with them that I was thinking longer term (and not about work, what insignificant thing they may not have done, etc.). Now one of my overall goals is to figure out how to keep the 4 of us as close as possible, geographically and overall.

100% Mine are 17 and 11 and with me at 55 I feel like time is short. I feel bad when I have to decline a request from them if I have to work or some other previous engagement blocks my way.

 

[Customweld]

You guys who have grown kids out of the house have any advice? I hear a lot of parents say “I wish I did some things different.” As the dad of two young kids, I’m curious what those things would be with the benefit of hindsight.

Spend as much time with them as you can when they are young. It’s really corny and cliché to say that time flies by, but it really is true. They don’t stay young for long.
I didn’t really stress on my girls about trivial things and didn’t try to solve all of their problems for them.
I can’t stress this enough though. Keep the GD phone from them as long as you can.

 

[TxxAgg]

Sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders.

Gig 'em!

 

[Ralphie]

You guys who have grown kids out of the house have any advice? I hear a lot of parents say “I wish I did some things different.” As the dad of two young kids, I’m curious what those things would be with the benefit of hindsight.

Like others have said spend quality time. I have one in college and one in HS. Of course there are things I could have done better but I’m very happy I was able to spend lots of time with my kids. We had a small RV while they were kids it was great for us. Took them hunting, working cattle, went to their important events. It’ll be different for every family but spend time with them and enjoy it.

My son in HS loves sports especially football. I’m not much of a sports fan, neither is my wife but watching him play on a nice fall evening is about as good as it gets. We love it. I never imagined I’d schedule hunting around football games but I do now and happily.

Once we are full empty nesters I know I’ll miss them. Already do. But I’m pretty sure there will be times I’ll enjoy missing them.

 

[Beagle1]

Once your kids hit junior high raising them goes by at warp speed.

 

[cnelk]

You guys who have grown kids out of the house have any advice? I hear a lot of parents say “I wish I did some things different.” As the dad of two young kids, I’m curious what those things would be with the benefit of hindsight.

Daughter is 29, married with a 2 year old daughter. They live in Texas
Son is 26, making a good living, lives in the mtns of Colorado.

I have absolutely zero regrets how I raised my kids. In fact, the last years they were at home I was a single dad.

I had just a few rules. They never varied.

1- When they arrived home after being out with friends they had to come and wake me up and let me know they were home.
No wake up. Grounded. Period

2- If they happened to be late for curfew, they had to call.
No call. Grounded. Period.

3- They had to keep their rooms clean and help around the house.


Simple but effective. And it worked.

[P.S. - For you that have littles ones at home, that 'Time Out' thing doesnt work]

 

[ELKhunter60]

The youngest daughter left for Texas this morning. That's how it's supposed to work, if you did it right. Boy, it sure leaves you with a heavy heart though.

When my son finished college he came back home until he found a "real job." He's a good young man and my best friend and his mom loves him dearly too - so it was ok with us. Two years later we was still working at Nissan putting parts on truck frames on the assembly line. I finally sat him down and told him he needed to do something soon or he was going to get "stuck" at Nissan with a degree that didn't mean anything. He always thought about moving out west because of the good times we have elk hunting. Ended up finding a job in Montana, packed up and left. When he left (full transparency) I went into his empty room and balled like a little kid while saying the "F" word under my breath repeatedly. It was really hard for me. But I eventually got over it (sort of). He's been in Montana for 5 years now, is working as a deputy and I go see him 1-2 times a year where he hunt or fish together. I still tear up every time we go our separate ways........but I'm happy with how things turned out - just miss him when he's gone.

 

[smoke]

You guys who have grown kids out of the house have any advice? I hear a lot of parents say “I wish I did some things different.” As the dad of two young kids, I’m curious what those things would be with the benefit of hindsight.

My kids all went away to college - far away. My wife encouraged them to do so but I warned her that once they go that far, they may not return. They have long since graduated from college and indeed, they all live at least 10 hours of driving away. We talk often but rarely see them. If I were to do anything different, it would be to have them attend a college close to home.

 

[5MilesBack]

As a buddy always says "we're raising arrows, not boomerangs". They're supposed to move out, and on with "their" lives. Our youngest daughter has two more years and then most likely college. Until then she has an elk and cow moose hunt this year to complete, so still more experiences while she's home.

 

[rodney482]

My last one left for 2 yrs but is back home for her last 2 yrs of college. It was nice having her back.

 

[Customweld]

When my son finished college he came back home until he found a "real job." He's a good young man and my best friend and his mom loves him dearly too - so it was ok with us. Two years later we was still working at Nissan putting parts on truck frames on the assembly line. I finally sat him down and told him he needed to do something soon or he was going to get "stuck" at Nissan with a degree that didn't mean anything. He always thought about moving out west because of the good times we have elk hunting. Ended up finding a job in Montana, packed up and left. When he left (full transparency) I went into his empty room and balled like a little kid while saying the "F" word under my breath repeatedly. It was really hard for me. But I eventually got over it (sort of). He's been in Montana for 5 years now, is working as a deputy and I go see him 1-2 times a year where he hunt or fish together. I still tear up every time we go our separate ways........but I'm happy with how things turned out - just miss him when he's gone.

I had the same talk with my daughter. She went to BSU for the fall semester and decided not to go back for the spring semester. She had kinda lost her direction, so she decided to go to work. I had to sit her down a, few weeks ago and talk to her about having fun and living for the day, and how that day turns into a year and then a decade .The next thing you know, you're 30, stuck in a job you hate and have no direction.

 

[Fishn4eyes]

This one hits home for me. My wife and I have two daughters, 28 and 25.

Oldest attended school in-state then went to grad school at USC in LA then moved to Eugene, OR.

Youngest moved to NYC right after graduation to attend Columbia and has since moved into their PhD program and still living in NYC 7 years later.

We are a very close family and it is very hard to have them both far away from home and on opposite coasts.

I made it a point to never miss an event or activity when they were in high school and being an empty nester has been very hard for me, I miss them so much.

You want your kids to live out their dreams and be successful and I'm lucky mine have and are but damn it's hard on dear old Dad to have them so far away so enjoy your time with them when you have them at home as everyone knows it goes too damn fast!

 

[Crusader]

^^^^Our situation is similar to this, two daughters about those ages and both went to college and grad schools and are now thriving in their careers. They went away to school which was hard on us, especially my wife, but lucky for us, they are back in the town we live in. Wife schedules dinner at our house with them every Thursday night and that is really enjoyable. Nice to relate to them as adults/peers.

I would second what Fishn4eyes said, we went to every school event possible, all the way through high school graduation. It created so many good memories and I know the girls really appreciated the support. By the way, being a parent never ends, even when they are successful, young adults. They frequently need advice or help (with their houses) or whatever, and it is good to feel needed and still be there for them.

 

[Ridge Runner]

Step son finally moved out last week at 24. Couldn't be happier to see him go. Good kid but contributed nothing to the family. About the same time he left my son (18 and just graduated) asked if he could move in for awhile. Although he makes decent money he realized he wanted to save some more cash before getting his own place. Don't expect him to be here more than a few months. It was getting to the place with the kids where my wife and I were saying we should just go rent our own place and let the kids have the house. While it can be painful when they leave, I do believe its good for them to figure out how to survive on their own.

 

[CorbLand]

My mom told us we could stay home as long as we wanted but we had to be moving forward in life. Starting a business, going to school, working towards a career, etc. She charged minimal rent. My oldest brother went to college, lived at home until he got married when he was 25 or 26. I left at 19.

I will do the same when I have kids.

 

[Customweld]

My mom told us we could stay home as long as we wanted but we had to be moving forward in life. Starting a business, going to school, working towards a career, etc. She charged minimal rent. My oldest brother went to college, lived at home until he got married when he was 25 or 26. I left at 19.

I will do the same when I have kids.

That's exactly how we treated the girls. As long as you're going to school or saving for a down payment on a house, you're welcome to stay.