Check on your friends and family-see about their emotional and physical well being-don't be afraid to be nosey to see how they are REALLY doing.

[Trial153]

Thank you for posting the well thought out reminder. It’s a lesson we all can learn from.

 

[roadrunner]

What a shame to see this country go down this way but there is no stopping it now.....

Yes there is, it is not sustainable. It is reversible, but it will be painful...

On a side note, when you ask someone how they're doing and they give you a response you're not ready for, don't dismiss it and move on.

 

[Customweld]

Yes there is, it is not sustainable. It is reversible, but it will be painful...

On a side note, when you ask someone how they're doing and they give you a response you're not ready for, don't dismiss it and move on.

You may not get another chance to address that response. Take it to heart and act.

 

[Kilboars]

First thing is stop the flow of cheap drugs into our country


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[scattergun]

First thing is stop the flow of cheap drugs into our country

Most cheap alcohol is produced domestically, though.

 

[scattergun]

Since you asked...

The whole thing is a bit strange but here are the details I was provided. I have to believe there is more to the story but I don't really need to know any more details. I just need to come to terms with it and reach out to my buddy when I can and be as supportive as I can be

Alcohol was the culprit here. According to his brother The Dr.s stated his alcohol consumption has impacted his organs and even impacted his bone marrow. His brother told me the Dr. also stated he had a problem with his body assimilating/breaking down alcohol. He had surgery and the surgeon removed 2 vertebrae and repaired his spinal cord.

What I don't understand is how alcohol would do that kind of damage. I realize alcohol can be damaging to your liver and stomach but my friend had blood vessels rupture and was vomiting blood. I have to assume this was progressive damage done over time. Perhaps there were other events that exacerbated the issues over time. as well.

The information I received seems strange but the outcome is all I am focused on. I will reach out to my friend in a few days when I can verify he can talk-if he even wants to.

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement.

Alcohol tends to be highly underestimated in terms of its addictiveness and capacity to harm.

The Lancet published a study that really puts its risk into perspective compared to other drugs:

Drug harms in the UK: a multicriteria decision analysis

These findings lend support to previous work assessing drug harms, and show how the improved scoring and weighting approach of MCDA increases the differentiation between the most and least harmful drugs. However, the findings correlate poorly with present UK drug classification, which is not...

www.thelancet.com

 

[Kilboars]

Most cheap alcohol is produced domestically, though.

I think these chemicals and over potent weed is what’s really getting out of control now.


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[Kilboars]

Or certainly not helping the matter.


I also wonder if it’s just too easy of a lifestyle we’ve created for ourselves that nobody has to really push themselves too hard to enjoy a decent life.


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[Rob5589]

Since you asked...

The whole thing is a bit strange but here are the details I was provided. I have to believe there is more to the story but I don't really need to know any more details. I just need to come to terms with it and reach out to my buddy when I can and be as supportive as I can be

Alcohol was the culprit here. According to his brother The Dr.s stated his alcohol consumption has impacted his organs and even impacted his bone marrow. His brother told me the Dr. also stated he had a problem with his body assimilating/breaking down alcohol. He had surgery and the surgeon removed 2 vertebrae and repaired his spinal cord.

What I don't understand is how alcohol would do that kind of damage. I realize alcohol can be damaging to your liver and stomach but my friend had blood vessels rupture and was vomiting blood. I have to assume this was progressive damage done over time. Perhaps there were other events that exacerbated the issues over time. as well.

The information I received seems strange but the outcome is all I am focused on. I will reach out to my friend in a few days when I can verify he can talk-if he even wants to.

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement.

Sounds like the damage was done before you, or anyone, could have helped. Your friend had esophageal varices, which can cause significant bleeding. To death in some cases. Extremely common in those with alcohol addiction and or liver disease.

Alcohol can do significant damage in a short amount of time. Alcoholics generally don't take care of themselves, have poor nutritional intake, poor fluid intake, etc. Alcohol becomes all they "need." Alcoholics aren't necessarily the "street bum." They can work full time, manage their lives (poorly in general), and think they can hide their addiction. My father did that very thing as did his mother (my grandmother) until the day they each died.

 

[woods89]

Sounds like the damage was done before you, or anyone, could have helped. Your friend had esophageal varices, which can cause significant bleeding. To death in some cases. Extremely common in those with alcohol addiction and or liver disease.

Alcohol can do significant damage in a short amount of time. Alcoholics generally don't take care of themselves, have poor nutritional intake, poor fluid intake, etc. Alcohol becomes all they "need." Alcoholics aren't necessarily the "street bum." They can work full time, manage their lives (poorly in general), and think they can hide their addiction. My father did that very thing as did his mother (my grandmother) until the day they each died.

I have a non-fiction book with a character who had that same bleeding, I believe. The last time they let him out of the hospital they told him if he drank again he'd be dead. He stopped at the liquor store on the way home, and was dead within a week or two. Simply bled out inside. It was hard to read.

 

[philos]

UPDATE

I spoke to my buddy tonight-first time we have talked since his surgery. He was surprisingly upbeat. I told him it was great to hear his voice and to keep after it. I hope to visit him in New York in the near future.

It sure was good to chat with him.

 

[Where's Bruce?]

One of my businesses is a franchisor/service provider to addicts in rehab. Nothing you could have done...nothing. Beating addiction either becomes a lifestyle decision or it doesn't and the addict continues to backslide. The best you can do is be honest with the addict and prevent them from taking advantage of you and others. Might seem heartless but our Second Chance program (hiring former addicts including those with felony records and served prison time) still sees 65% of them return to their addiction. The few successes we see that turned their lives around, became financially stable, then successful, got married, got a home, had and are raising kids make the program worthwhile for me but there is a lot of heartache connected to the failures. In the end there are two types of addicts...those who recognize the personal loss and rise above their addiction and the weak who never do. It takes balls but is entirely doable if life goals are set and you make the commitment to quit. Friends & family of addicts are who my heart goes out too...that is a horrible place to be, especially when the addict is in your immediate family. Seeing your child suffer this is Hell on Earth. That's the opinion from someone who has lived through each and every one of these scenarios. I was an addict for three years when I was young, been father to an addict (she cleaned up young too) and have been close to many other addicts. You did good by him. probably more than most. Maybe you can continue to be a solid role model and buddy.

 

[Red Letters]

 

[Whitey Fisk 88]

Happiness is a choice! Unfortunately not everyone can make it happen.

Sometimes the choice is made for you by other outside actors/factors

 

[BWlongbow]

We can only be friends to the point of someone allowing us to be one. How close that friendship is determined by the person allowing the relationship and that includes family members.
I guess that one doesn't really get to know someone unless they live with them for a number of years.
We can only try to reach out and hope that it may be of meaning to someone.

 

[sneaky]

Just went through this a couple months ago. One of my coworkers drank himself to death. Had an infection in his colon, went septic and his liver and kidneys shut down. He went in to the hospital on Sep 28th and died Oct 12th. He was 29. Only reason he went to the hospital was because his best friend took him. He lived by himself and told everyone he had Covid and wouldn't let them in so they could see how jaundiced he was. I had noticed the last couple of times I talked to him on the phone he sounded drunk at all hours of the day, his liver had already stopped processing the alcohol. I had to call his mom and tell her he was at the hospital, he hadn't told anyone. This was all brought on from his ex-wife leaving him on two separate occasions, and a very dysfunctional relationship with his dad. He didn't reach out for help, he found what he thought was relief in a bottle. Left behind two little kids. Sad deal all the way around.

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[Luked]

I had something similar happen.
Got a buddy of mine that I have really been close with for a lot of years. He lived in OK and after retiring from Boeing moved to the Fl panhandle. I went to his OK house multiple times hunting and fishing at least once a year. He was my best man in my second wedding. Helped me a ton when I went through my first divorce, I was at his second wifes funeral after she lost her battle with Ovarian Cancer. So we were really close but so far away, about 7 hours from my house to his in OK.
After my wedding he was living in Fl and built a new house etc. Two years after he moved to FL he had a massive stroke and now barely has any use of his right arm and right leg. Speach is impared but he does ok.
I never visited him when he was well in FL and its one of my biggest regrets.
My wife and I visited him last year and I got to see first hand what kind of shape he was in and it hit me hard, I didnt sleep much at all while we were there.
Made me realize that life is way too short to let things get in the way of certian things.
I know there was nothing I could have done but it is something I kick myself for all the time was not going to see him when he was healthy.

 

[Trackerbacker]

This could be long winded, so I'll try to summarize.

I've been a business owner since 22 (34 now), with self proclaimed 'excessive compulsive disorder' and a 'cortisol junkie'. It's what made me good at what I do. Being able to baseline stress higher and higher and perform.

I also am in an industry (AEC) that is high stress mess with little care for emotions. Hike up your skirt type.

I was that guy. Push through. Stop being a Nancy. I won't and still won't ever ask you to do something I havent or won't be doing right next to you.

I could easily go from a $5m contract meeting in a suit and wingtips to the trenches with little disregard (minus taking off my suit jacket and swapping my wingtips for danners on the way to a site in a Cessna 421c).

I've had plenty of hardship in life. Some my doing, some outside my control. Always persevered.

Then covid.

Followed my same protocol.

I couldn't any longer. I more than likely had depression prior and used actions as my drugs (cortisol junkie). And those $5m contracts became $7-10m. Tighter. Faster. Cleaner. Bigger.

Until I couldn't. My lisp and stutter started to return. My performance degraded. If I watched a football game- I couldn't make sense of all the movements where as before-an offensive lineman pulling signified direction.

My edge was gone and I was stuck too deep in my own brain.

After a breakdown with my wife and PCP, a low dose anti-depressant with a schedule to heal myself and be off it in 18 months, selling my businesses and walking away into consulting, I'm much better now.

I thanks my wife everyday for saving me, and apologize every day for scaring her because of those times.

Since, I'm still "hike up your skirt" BUT "if you can't, talk to me about it, I'm here. I've been there. I'm on zoloft. There's stigmas, but we can work through life together.".

I've not only done zoloft, I do meditation and yoga weekly, I've changed many habits. I didn't want nor look for a pill to fix me, I knew I had to do it internally as well. It's a hard, long, uphill, constant trail, but each peak and each valley are looked at much differently now.

I am grateful for those who helped, and grateful for those few I have been able to help.

Be there how and when you can, and as a pilot will tell you, put your O² mask on first.

(Errors and grammar be damned, it's 5a here)

 

[ChrisS]

I was that guy. Push through. Stop being a Nancy. I won't and still won't ever ask you to do something I havent or won't be doing right next to you.

As someone who is similar and then lost his wife, a lot of times, the question "how are you doing?" is answered with "fine."

but it's not always the truth. In order to help someone, it doesn't have to be an invasive intervention ... just ask them to meet you out for a game or a local trip. When my wife first went into the hospital, my best friend happened to reach out via text and he asked if I was alone, and then he said he was coming up. It was an hour drive for him, and a week night, but it wasn't a question about what I needed, he just did it. We didn't talk too much about my wife, but just hung out, had a few drinks, and watched a game or two.

 

[Trackerbacker]

As someone who is similar and then lost his wife, a lot of times, the question "how are you doing?" is answered with "fine."

but it's not always the truth. In order to help someone, it doesn't have to be an invasive intervention ... just ask them to meet you out for a game or a local trip. When my wife first went into the hospital, my best friend happened to reach out via text and he asked if I was alone, and then he said he was coming up. It was an hour drive for him, and a week night, but it wasn't a question about what I needed, he just did it. We didn't talk too much about my wife, but just hung out, had a few drinks, and watched a game or two.

absolutely.

men typically know what other men mean when they say fine, but we leave it there. The rest of your post (as well as the beginning) is spot on.

When one of the clients we did work for (5+ years) wife entered heart failure (right around the time where her beating cancer and chemo gave her +/-10 years to live), he never forgot how much it meant to him that i drove 2 hours to drop miller lite (his beer of choice) and some food off to his hotel while he was staying to be with his wife. oftentimes, the little gestures open people up, or let them know someone cares or that they have someone to talk to, thats can, not always, but can be just enough to help them get through the day.

(his wife is still in heart failure, has an L-VAD (i think thats what its called) to keep the heart pumping. shes beat cancer twice, got to see her handful of grandchildren often, and she would rather the spot on the transplant list go to someone who hasnt lived yet)