Best kid one liners

[Glad2BNico]

My son until recently called pinecones "pineapples" Makes sense to me!

Also, I think potty-training kind of perverts the parents. One should not talk about poop as much as potty training requires. At one point, my aforementioned son did his business, we said something like "Nice dude, that's a cute little turd. Good job." The next few days he referred to his poop and "Cute little turtle poops" It still gets me.

 

[Plainsman79]

Words of wisdom from my 3 year old

1-Never take a giraffe to a movie
2-Never hold hands with a lobster
3-Never take a shark to the dentist.

 

[Archery22]

Took my grandson to Bass Pro for the first time and when first walked through the doors he looks at me and says "were going to need 2 carts".

 

[Scoot]

I keep a file of some of my kids' funny things they've said. Below are a few...

Ryan (just before his 8th birthday) and Morgan (5): The kids were coloring at the kitchen table. Morgan had drawn a stick figure of a person. She noticed a small spot she’d colored that went just below where the person’s legs met. She started naming body parts and said, “This is his arm, this is his eyeball, this is his peepee. Everyone has a peepee.” Ryan said, “No they don’t.” Morgan said, “Yes, boys have a peepee, girls have a peepee- they’re different on boys and girls, but the name is the same. It’s all the same for boys and girls.” Ryan firmly said, “NO!” Morgan repeated herself. I decided I needed to step in and have a “teaching moment” and clarify what boy’s and girl’s body parts are correctly called. “Morgan, Ryan is right- they’re not the same. Girls have a” Ryan interrupted with “Dad, I know this. Virginia. Is that right? Virginia, yeah, I think that’s it.”

Ryan (6): we were headed for the Canadian border and for Ryan’s second Father/Son family fishing trip. Just before we got to the border crossing I mentioned to Ryan, “Be sure to not act silly. Just answer their questions and don’t goof off.” He responded with, “So if he asks me, ‘what’s 2 + 2’, I shouldn’t say ‘llama’”.

Ryan (8): As we pulled up to Ryan’s school in the morning to drop him off he looked ahead and noticed a Virginia license plate on the car in front of us. He then said, “Virginia? Whoa, I wonder what time they have to get up in the morning to get to school on time!” His next question was “Where’s Virginia?”

Ryan and I were in the ground blind by our food plot. A small forkhorn buck came out in front of us and Ryan clearly wanted me to shoot it. I got ready and was just about to shoot, and a nice 8 point buck came out in front of us. Ryan was almost coming out of his skin with excitement- he was twitching like a birddog on point! I waited for a good, easy shot and eventually the deer wandered away, never offer a shot. Ryan was ecstatic! He high fived me, shook my hand, gave me knuckles and said over and over how excited he was. Fast forward two hours and it was time for Ryan’s bath. I sent him upstairs to get in the tub. Five minutes later I could still hear him running around and not in the tub, so I went up there. I walked into the bathroom just as Ryan was about to take off his underwear. I could plainly see a quarter sized wet spot in his underwear and I asked “Did you pee your pants.” He looked down at his underwear, then looked up at me and said “I just... I… I saw that big buck and it just happened! I couldn’t help it!”

Ryan (9) and Morgan (6): I told Ryan that Ross wasn’t going to be able to come fishing with us as he had planned, telling him that Ross is very sick. Ryan asked “Is it cancer?” “No”, I said, “Ross has…”, but Morgan interrupted and said “Dad, was he bit by a bunny?”

Morgan (age 10)- after Morgan telling me the story of how I proposed to my wife (her mom), Morgan looked at me and said, “Mom could have found a lot better guy than you, Dad. But… you’re a pretty good guy though.”

Morgan (age 10)- watching a kids Disney drama-type show a girl was talking to a boy and Morgan said “She’s going to give him the old tomato, I heard it on the commercial for this one.” I scratched my head and wondered what that meant. A minute later, the male character looked at the female character and said “Are you giving me an ultimatum?” Morgan looked at me and said, “See!?!”

Morgan (age 14)- In March I was driving home with Morgan. The ditches were full of dirty snow. I asked Morgan, “What is snirt?” She looked blankly forward for a minute, then I could see the lightbulb go off… she confidently said “A sneeze-fart”.

 

[Drenalin]

This weekend, my 6 year old daughter - who has never been on Rokslide - brought up to me the question of whether or not a hotdog is sandwich.

 

[Fitzwho]

Took my almost 6 year old daughter to deer camp this weekend. She was on an air mattress and my dad and I on opposing bunk beds. In the dark my dad and I were just having a short conversation about something when Grace interrupts us with a straight up, "Less talking, more sleeping."

 

[Hunt eat repeat]

I don’t have any kids but my mom likes to tell the story about the time I said “ I’m going to kill all of Santa’s damn reindeer” I think I was 5 or 6.

 

[Zdub02]

When my cousin and I were little we were out with my grandpa, unlces, and my dad working with grandpa's dog. The dog was being rambunctious and almost knocked my cousin down. He was about 5 or so and hollers at the dog, "if you don't stop I'll block your knock off!"

 

[tntrker]

Me to another person: oh heck no..
2 1/2 year old granddaughter: HEY! YOU DON'T HECK!!....FFFFFFFFFucker....
ME:

 

[Jbxl20]

I shot a buck during archery behind my house a few weeks ago. I went back to get the family and we all walked back up together. On the way up the trail my 4 y/o daughter asked “can we cut its face off and hang it on the wall?”
My 7 y/o son stayed to help me gut it. He was holding one leg watching then all of the sudden he started looking all around him. I thought he didn’t like the sight/smell of the process so I quickly dropped my knife and asked him what’s wrong. he just looked up at my tree stand and said “I’d hate to be an animal in these woods”

 

[Bluumoon]

My 4yo son, 3 at the time, is very outgoing and is accustomed to being included in conversations.

Walking through a parking lot we passed a lady going the other direction and he said hello, she ignored him. He turned around yelled after her "hey old lady!".

 

[Hunt eat repeat]

Not a one-liner, but an assignment my son, Jonah, did in 3rd grade. His teacher was the pastors wife. Look at #7 on the assignment. View attachment 484630

nailed it.

 

[Hunt eat repeat]

If anything I have learned everybody on this forum has a potty mouth

 

[Marble]

When my son was 10, we were traveling in the truck. He announces, "Hey dad, it's illegal to have puppies here." My wife and I kind of looked at each other and were confused. I asked him, "What do you mean son?" He says, "Well, that sign back there said $1000 fine for littering."

I still laugh out loud when I think of that story. His three younger sister's just roasted him the rest of the trip.

Sent from my SM-G986U using Tapatalk

 

[WhatToHunt]

My son was around six years old and one evening he asked me to cut up an apple for him. I was beat and replied asking him if he could just eat it normal, you know just take bites off the apple. He said, "That's why I don't want to have kids when I grow up, because I know how hard it is to be a parent."
I got up and cut him an apple.

 

[CorbLand]

If anything I have learned everybody on this forum has a potty mouth

What the **** makes you think that?

 

[Lowg08]

Well i will share my favorite on my son. Now 13 was 10 at the time. We were shooting the cullman Alabama ASA. His group had to have a guardian at the the time. So I took a special range assignment with the crossbow group. As the day went on. I kept noticing him staring at this one man. Who had a noticeably crooked eye. So about target 15. The gentleman looks at his two crossbow friends. “ im suprised y’all hadn’t said anything.” One friend replied “ I have noticed” the second friend replied “ I didn’t think you wanted it pointed out you had your eye in, or it was crooked.” My son jumps up and says “ shew, I thought you were just cross eyed.” I could have crawled under a rock.

 

[Kahuna]

My MIL brought my 3 year old into the delivery room just after my son was born. He was breast feeding and she asked my wife "mum, what's he doing"? My wife said "he's drinking milk". Daughter paused for a moment, then said "we have milk at home in the fridge..... and he needs to use a cup!"

 

[Northof51]

Our 2 year old daughter came into the bedroom to look at her new jeans in the mirror, she spun around and said “nice pants, you look like Marfa Stewart”

 

[DenverCountryBoy]

My three year old knocked her bowl over. "Shit!"

My wife and I look at each other. I ask "what did you say?"

"Well I dropped my bowl, so I said 'shit'".

"You shouldn't say that word."

Had to hide the laugh and remind the wife to watch her language around the little sponges.