Best kid one liners

[rclouse79]

My niece was about 3, and for no reason we can figure out, she called binoculars nocular-eyes. We now use it as a verb, “I’m going to nocularize that hillside for deer before we move over the ridge.” And as a noun, “grab your noculareyes off the counter before we go.”

There are some things you don’t want to correct for fear they will stop saying it. I have adopted my daughter’s word for instructions around the house. One of these days I am going to slip and tell my students to follow the instrutchkins.

 

[MattB]

When my daughter was 3-4 we were heading out on a turkey hunt. I got about 15 minutes from the house trying to beat traffic when I realized I had forgotten my pop-up blind. That was definitely a place and time for cursing, but realizing that young kids' brains are sponges I was much more PC in expressing my frustration at having to turn around and putting us 30 minutes behind schedule.

Just about then, I hear from the back seat "F@@K. F@@K".

Not sure where she learned that, hopefully not from me. Situation appropriate at least.

 

[butcherboy]

Here’s some more. My now 8 yr old daughter when she was 4. I asked her what she wanted for breakfast. Her reply “pampakes” I looked at my wife with a WTH look and she laughed at me and said “pancakes” lol we still call them pampakes to this day.

Same daughter as we were getting ready to go on a hike. “Wait Daddy, I have to get my packback”.

 

[Pharmseller]

When my boy was 5 he bashed his head into a post something fierce. Wasn’t looking where he was going and bam!, a huge egg on his forehead.

No loss of consciousness, no vomiting, I was all for rubbing some dirt on it and telling him to walk it off, but mom wanted to take him to an urgent care for a concussion evaluation. Moms, what are you gonna do.

So we’re in the car, heading down the driveway. I look in the rear view and ask hey buddy, how are you doing.

He said, I’d be doing better if we were going to Toys R Us.

 

[RS3579]

My 6 yo son was going #2 as I was on the phone with my wife. He was having a difficult time. When he was able to complete the mission he said. “It came out sideways “ unbelievable what thes kids think of. They truly are gods gifts.

 

[Vaultman]

Here’s some more. My now 8 yr old daughter when she was 4. I asked her what she wanted for breakfast. Her reply “pampakes” I looked at my wife with a WTH look and she laughed at me and said “pancakes” lol we still call them pampakes to this day.

Same daughter as we were getting ready to go on a hike. “Wait Daddy, I have to get my packback”.

Similarly to this... one of mine called it a "packpack".

....Reminds me of another one. The youngest had a hard time with the concept of "Tomorrow". My wife or I would say something along the lines of, "we are going to Grandma's tomorrow". Then, in the morning when she woke up she would come out and ask us "is it tomorrow?".

 

[3325]

Grocery store. Little girl and a littler boy. Woman about 10 feet away. Little girl yells, “Mom! My brother just tooted in the store!” Little boy was grinning like a possum.

 

[WhatToHunt]

My mom tells the story of when my brother was very little and not behaving in the grocery store. He was being a turd and began crying because she wouldn't let him have something off the shelf. An elderly woman approached and in her sweet old lady voice asked him what was wrong. Fighting through his crocodile tears he said, "My mommy beats me."

 

[dr.mooseknuckles]

I'm having a hard time thinking of things my soon to be 4 year old says. There have been some good ones but the recall button is working today.

Given the time of year, my parents always like to refer to one of my earlier visits to see Santa Claus. I was around 4-5 years old. They say that I hopped up in his lap very willingly, and when asked what I wanted for Christmas, I enthusiastically replied, "I want a shotgun Santy". Apparently Santa was astounded.

He eventually came around to the idea when I was 9 and I received my Remington 870 20 gauge. Killed my first two wood ducks a few weeks later.

 

[Go West Old Man]

A favorite family story……. My nephew is late 20’s now. Good, responsible, hard work ethic young man. When he was 3, he was in the carport playing with his toy plastic lawnmower. My sister-in-law causally asked him, “Son, what are you doing?” He promptly replied, “I got to cut the f’n grass!”

Wasn’t long before my brother got a lecture from his wife about his language around the boy.

 

[butcherboy]

Another one from tonight. Took my wife and 3 kids to Applebees for dinner. After dinner while loading everyone in the car I tell the kids to look at the moon. My 8 yr old says how big it is and how it’s so yellow. My 5 yr old says “ oh my gosh! Someone peed on it!”

 

[tuffcity]

We used to always do a summer trip to our family cabin. On one trip, the kids were about 5 through 7, we stopped at our usual last chance store for a few odd and ends and I picked up a couple of hunting periodicals.

Once unpacked at the cabin I was going to go sit on the dock to read one and asked my daughter if she had seen my magazines. Without missing a beat she said "for which guns, daddy?"

I still consider that a win.

 

[Theringworm]

The year was 2020 and it was just before dinner time when my wife and then 7-year-old daughter were in the kitchen cooking dinner. My wife had assigned the 7-year-old to peel some carrots. As this was going on my daughter said she loved carrots and liked dipping them in ranch. My wife then responded that "eating carrots will help with your vision and seeing well". My daughter replied, " oh, well I am going to eat a ton of them so I can see well". My wife then cautioned her, "well, if you eat too many carrots, they can turn your skin orange".

Without any hesitation my daughter replies, " is that what happened to President Trump" You just can't make this stuff up.

 

[haywoodhunter]

This past Saturday my 2.5 year old was in the basement with my wife and I was upstairs. I hear “DADDY DADDY DADDY”. I poked my head around the top of the stairs to look down and she had a tube of rem oil wipes in her hand. “You need a gun wipe?” I was so proud.

Some nights she wants me to leave a light on so it’s not too dark. I’ve always told her the dark won’t hurt you. Well one morning she wanted to go outside to throw a ball for the dog but it was real overcast and raining and dreary. I said darling it’s too dark outside. That smarty pants looked me in the eye and said the dark won’t hurt you daddy. Well played girl well played.

 

[Danomite]

My wife and I go to a gym that has a swimming pool and babysitting while you work out. After working out, we often take the kids to swim. In the locker room after working out and while changing my son into his swim trunks an older guy walked out of the shower naked. My 3 year old boy said "Dad, there's a nakey boy!" The old guy said, "I'm not a nakey boy, I'm a nakey old man!" It was pretty funny.

 

[PapaGolfTango]

Everytime my 3 year old sees a deer he says "Daddy meat! Yummy!" Needless to say he loves venison.

 

[roymunson]

Throwing a ball out in the yard with my 3 or 4 year old named Boone and he made a nice catch so I said "Boom Shaka Laka!"

He threw it back and as I caught it he said "Daddy Shaka Laka"

 

[Dos Perros]

My son (8) adheres to a concept we call "camp talk." He can curse (within reason) on camping, fishing, hunting trips, as long as there are no ladies present.

"Damnit I just missed a fish!"...."The mosquitos are being a**holes."....these would be acceptable.

One time we were in the garage working on something together and he strikes up a conversation.

"Daddy did you know there are actually two f words?"

"Oh? What's the first one?"

"F***."

"Oh, well yes of course. What's the second one?"

"Frick. There's f*** and frick. Both f words."

"You're right. And are you allowed to say either of them?"

"No."

"Right again."

 

[Dos Perros]

Remembered another one. Took my family to the Full Draw Film Tour this past summer. Right after Willie Schmidt sticks a nice New Mexico bull my daughter (4) blurts out angrily, "Why did he kill that elk!? He was just trying to live his best life!"

She vacillates back and forth between not wanting animals to die and loving to eat them. She's a conflicted lil human.

 

[RS_Non-Res]

Was chasing bugles and mews and one of my boys kept saying "come-on dad lets go" as I'm huffing and puffing along. We popped over a ridge only to find the noisy beasts out of range, half-way up and motoring up the opposite mountainside. I'm knackered and say "Son, I can't chase them over another mountain." He's quick to accept that but then says "How about those?" and points to a bunch of quiet elk in the bottom of the valley. Those down there? I'm going after those. ...