Lot's of solid advice here..
I went through mine about 3 years ago and to say it is a test of a man's resolve...and his character, would be an understatement. You will experience some real doubt and perhaps even a crisis of faith, but hang in there. You are strong and you can beat this. This is a different kind of battle than what you have probably experienced in the past, but you can get through it. From your post it sounds like you are laying the lion's share of the blame at your own feet. I was married 10 years and that was long enough for me to learn that it TAKES TWO to make or break a marriage. Taking responsibility for your actions is absolutely important, but remember, that the door swings both ways.
My son was 7 when we went through it and it was especially hard on him, but I am proud to say that 3 years later, he's much more at peace with it. His mom and I get along great and are nice to each other and he sees that, and I think that has helped him cope with all of it. When my divorce began, a good friend gave me some hard earned advice...focus on your kid. First. When you have your kiddo, do not EVER make other plans while with him. No girls, no bars and focus all of your attention on him. In short, your social life takes a backseat when you are together. I stuck to that, and I am glad I did. It helped me focus on what was important and it showed my son that just because his parents were getting divorced, I WAS NOT DIVORCING HIM!
If she has not lawyered up and you guys can amicably work out the details, do it that way. It will be quicker, cheaper and much more peaceful. Lawyers have a way of perpetuating the aggression and if done that way, it will drag out and cost you both a substantial amount of money. I will say that if she's lawyered up, you should do the same. Divorces have a way of showing a person's true colors so if she ends of taking an aggressive stance with you, then meet fire with fire. For all of your sakes, I sincerely hope that it doesn't come to that.
Until it is final, I would expect to be scrutinized and I would not give the other side any reason to spin this in their favor (and they will try..believe me). Make the gym your best friend and keep a low profile. Once it's over, you can relax and hopefully, you and your ex, will figure out a new "language" for the sake of your child.
As has been stated, stay away from the booze. It can get out of control quicker than you think and it will absolutely cloud your judgement and your actions.
Don't focus on women. It will be hard, but take care of yourself and your shit and once it's all over, you will have a new confidence that was not there before and the women will forever flock to you. I will add, that I would not introduce a new lady to your kiddo FOR A LONG TIME. Kids process things much differently than adults and it will be an adjustment for him that his parents are getting a divorce. I'm sure you already are sensitive to that, but just throwing it out there.
Sending prayers your way and I hope you will update us on how things are progressing.
"Hard times never last..but hard men always do!".
I went through mine about 3 years ago and to say it is a test of a man's resolve...and his character, would be an understatement. You will experience some real doubt and perhaps even a crisis of faith, but hang in there. You are strong and you can beat this. This is a different kind of battle than what you have probably experienced in the past, but you can get through it. From your post it sounds like you are laying the lion's share of the blame at your own feet. I was married 10 years and that was long enough for me to learn that it TAKES TWO to make or break a marriage. Taking responsibility for your actions is absolutely important, but remember, that the door swings both ways.
My son was 7 when we went through it and it was especially hard on him, but I am proud to say that 3 years later, he's much more at peace with it. His mom and I get along great and are nice to each other and he sees that, and I think that has helped him cope with all of it. When my divorce began, a good friend gave me some hard earned advice...focus on your kid. First. When you have your kiddo, do not EVER make other plans while with him. No girls, no bars and focus all of your attention on him. In short, your social life takes a backseat when you are together. I stuck to that, and I am glad I did. It helped me focus on what was important and it showed my son that just because his parents were getting divorced, I WAS NOT DIVORCING HIM!
If she has not lawyered up and you guys can amicably work out the details, do it that way. It will be quicker, cheaper and much more peaceful. Lawyers have a way of perpetuating the aggression and if done that way, it will drag out and cost you both a substantial amount of money. I will say that if she's lawyered up, you should do the same. Divorces have a way of showing a person's true colors so if she ends of taking an aggressive stance with you, then meet fire with fire. For all of your sakes, I sincerely hope that it doesn't come to that.
Until it is final, I would expect to be scrutinized and I would not give the other side any reason to spin this in their favor (and they will try..believe me). Make the gym your best friend and keep a low profile. Once it's over, you can relax and hopefully, you and your ex, will figure out a new "language" for the sake of your child.
As has been stated, stay away from the booze. It can get out of control quicker than you think and it will absolutely cloud your judgement and your actions.
Don't focus on women. It will be hard, but take care of yourself and your shit and once it's all over, you will have a new confidence that was not there before and the women will forever flock to you. I will add, that I would not introduce a new lady to your kiddo FOR A LONG TIME. Kids process things much differently than adults and it will be an adjustment for him that his parents are getting a divorce. I'm sure you already are sensitive to that, but just throwing it out there.
Sending prayers your way and I hope you will update us on how things are progressing.
"Hard times never last..but hard men always do!".
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