The big D

[rhendrix]

So I'm sure some of you remember my marriage woes from a few years back, after trying really hard for the last two years to get my wife to fall back in love with me, she finally admitted to me tonight that she doesn't think it's possible. And we both want the best for each other, I want her to be happy, and despite the fact that I'm still madly in love with her, if she isn't with me then I know she should be happy with someone else. She feels the same way, she said she recognizes the fact that I walk around in agony craving desperately for her to be in love with me and not just care about me and that I'm miserable. And truth be told, I am. I just can't imagine life without her and our children. I have no idea how to navigate any of this, I don't want this to happen, but it's happening. There appears to be no amount of talking that makes her want to keep trying. I'm just kind of at a loss right now. I could really use some prayers and any positive advice would be awesome. I don't have any ill feelings towards her, in all honesty it's quite the opposite, I genuinely wish I could erase time and deal with my PTSD after Iraq better and sooner. I'm just at a loss right now, this all feels like a bad dream that I'm going to wake up from.

 

[Tony Trietch]

So sorry to hear this Ron. Hang in there, time helps.

 

[mrbillbrown]

So sorry brother. Prayers sent


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[Desk Jockey]

Truth is, brother, you are on a long and sometimes unpleasant road from what was to what will be. I would like to say it will be easy but that takes a while. Longer than you would think, in my limited experience. My dad just passed away and there was still friction with my mom after 30 years apart.

It is like any other road, brother, one foot in front of the other and keep your mind and the next destination while you find ways to enjoy the journey.

 

[Ranger619]

Sorry to hear this. PTSD sucks. I see this with some of my customers at the pharmacy. Good luck. I will be thinking of you.
Todd

 

[kipper09]

Just went through it myself. It's not an easy thing to deal with. Stay busy. Find one thing a day that will make you happy. It's amazing how little things like will help you through it. Spend every second with your kids you can. Through all I have been through I can 100% say I'm a much better father now than I've ever been. It will change you but you will be ok. There's a path somebody has for you. Just have to believe in it. Stay strong prayers sent

 

[beachbunny]

I went through this a long time ago.
what a waste of time and youth and energy trying to love someone who does not want to love you.
stay away from booze and drugs,love yourself and keep busy,stay in shape.!
it is all about your kids now,
will it cost money?
yup.
child support and then what you will spend when they are with you.
yup, it'll cost you but it all comes around,my child has lived with me full time now for quite a long while and it is all good,
it will be a grind but you will come to the final stage of the Big D,which is ,
"what was i thinking about?"
it is like stepping out into the sunshine again!!!!!!!!!!!
good luck and do not do anything stupid,

 

[Jimbob]

Heart breaking news. This sucks and no one and no family should have to go through this. I remember you first asking for advice about this and I am bummed that it has come to this.

Get support, whatever that looks like then do it (Pastor, real friends that you can talk with, counselling etc.). Do not try and go it alone.

Praying.

 

[16Bore]

How's the relationship with the kids? They are the most important thing. Every lawyer, mediator, etc will say how "resilient" they are. True, but so what? I can take a smack, but it doesn't mean I want to.

Stay the **** away from lawyers if you can. Emotion = $$. If you can cordially settle shit with the Ex, do so. If she becomes a bitter bitch, don't fight because her dream will be to have you hauled off in silver bracelets.


You WILL make concessions that you don't want to. It's going to happen. Fight for your kids. If there's no ill feeling joint custody/50% visitation is a win. But as bad as you'll want 100%, you have to remember their relationship with their mother and what you want in the end is happy kids living a peaceful, settled life.

Don't know your specifics and it ain't my business. At the end of the day, when the kids are old enough to understand, you'll want them to see what a straight up dad you were through the process.

 

[16Bore]

On a lighter note, the new wardrobe is kinda nice. Hopefully she'll get fat and you'll get in shape.

Yeah, learn to laugh at it.....it helps.

 

[yhc]

Good morning Ron and so sorry to hear you are in this predicament. Prayers sent your way.

I assume you have gone through marriage counseling with either counselors or clergy. As for your PTSD, are you getting help from medical professionals? If not and if you are military you can contact your nearest military treatment facility or military one source at +1-800-342-9647 or Military OneSource - 24/7 Support for the Military Community. If you are a veteran then you could also contact your servicing VA clinic for counseling.

 

[yhc]

Also as mentioned above your pastor could help you walk through this phase of your life.

Regards,

 

[Hunter Petersen]

Ron,
Im am sorry to hear all this. you are in my prayers

 

[boom]

sorry for you both to have to go through this.

 

[ianpadron]

Major bummer man. Life throws curveballs though and EVERYTHING happens for a reason. You gotta remember that and be grateful for every day you wake up.

Work on yourself, mind and body...and a lucky new lady will come into your life.

This too shall pass brother!

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[Yooper]

Sorry to hear about your situation. A friend of mine recently went through something very similar...it's been tough, but I'll say he's a better man coming out of it now.

As far as the PTSD goes, if you haven't reached out for help, please do. My dad is a Vietnam vet. He suffered through terrible PTSD since returning in '66. We never diagnosed it as kids, but there were times that my brother and I just knew to steer clear of old pops. To say my mother is a saint for putting up with his moods all of those years is an understatement. He finally sought help through a friend a few years ago and through a lot of hard emotions and struggles he's come out the other side a different man. You get the picture. You can't help others until you help yourself. If you need contact info for anyone in the VA please let me know. My dad does a lot of outreach now with local vets and I'm sure he can get some more information. Thank you for your service, sir, and my family will keep you in our prayers. Take care.

 

[Northernpiker]

Time is the only thing that heals but keeping busy and fit can help speed time. Try to appreciate the life you have and look forward to the things you want to accomplish.
Thoughts are with you!

 

[jm1607]

Hang in there Ronnie

My only advice is to keep things as friendly as possible so it doesn't get ugly. The ones who suffer the most when things get nasty are the kiddos. But it sounds like that's not going to happen and that you are on a positive path (not that the situation is a positive one but that you both understand each other and are communicating)

If you want to get a beer or burger (or both!) sometime and talk about it or BS about hunting to get your mind off of things gimme a call! I'm free most evenings..

-Josh

 

[Luked]

Its tough brother. No Bones about it but it does get better. I went through a divorce a few years ago. was my call but reasons were her cheating and lying.
it does get better over time, but it does take time. A good friend of mine told me when mine went down take it one day at a time one foot in front of the other and move forward. If you have kids you need to make it as easy on them as you can, i have 2 my Son is 8 and daughter is 3 and my son took it the worst being so young and still remembering me being there with his mom together he still has a hard time that i am not there now. but it is getting better. stay positive for your kids. One thing that really helped me was to focus on what i enjoyed doing weather it be hunting, fishing, or whatever drown yourself in it, put your self up to challenges with it. keep your mind focused on something.
over time the hurt, sadness, and bitterness will go away some not all of it but it will help.
just keep your head up and stay positive and keep moving forward

 

[16Bore]

Do make sure you keep all texts, emails, yadda, yadda. You won't remember anything when you need to. If and when a judge gets involved, they are generally out for the kids best interest.

Man, I'm on the tail end of my shit and it's like salt in a wound. Stay away from Facebook and keep your pecker tied to your shirttail. Mine isn't finaled for a few more months. Ex was dating before the separation agreement was even signed. Va has a one year separation requirement when kids are involved. She evidently didn't read that part of the law.


Anyway, make sure that you include language in the agreement that your kids aren't to be introduced to anyone of the opposite sex for at least one year.

I kept up on my end of the deal. She doesn't care, but kids don't ever forget. I'll repeat that.

Kids don't ever forget.

Show them the man you are, not what their mother's current opinion of you is. Kids are the judge and jury in the end.

Mine are awesome....


And I might give she and her boyfriend a Christmas gift. Always keep them guessing, it messes with their heads.


And kinda fun...