So this is from someone who self elected to take a survey and get roasted on this forum for some of my thoughts/ideas on kids and deer hunting so take it with a grain of salt!
1. If not baiting is important to you, then don't bait. Thousands of kids grow up in states that don't allow baiting and manage to still love hunting. To me personally baiting is not fair chase. I don't care where you are, how thick your brush is or what have you, your putting food out there to attract deer and pattern them. Food plots and corn fields I view differently as the field or plot is normally there for multiple years, it's available for much of the year, and isn't a pinpoint spot, deer could come in and still be out of range, etc. If its a strong opinion for you, explain it to your kid and explain why, he will be fine!
2. If you have rules on deer then have rules on deer. Just accept that not everyone will agree with you and many will outright tell you how wrong you are. You are raising 3 boys that will become men. You want to raise them so you can be proud of them both in the woods and out of the woods. Rules are a part of their lives, a few for what deer to shoot won't hurt them.
3. Making them pass deer isn't cruel or mean, it's life. Do you make them wait to eat cookies so they don't spoil supper? Will you make them do chores and homework before they play games? Of course you will. Explaining why you pass on deer is simple and they will understand.
Are you overthinking it? Maybe but that's because you care!
My sons first years of rifle hunting he knew the following rules.
#1. We don't shoot muley does or fork horns. Our muley population is lower and we have this agreement with several neighbors to make sure bucks are getting to at least 2.5 years old (adults arent shooting them till they are older)
2. Whitetails are fair game doesn't matter how small they are. We have lots of them and some will make it to maturity regardless.
3. And this is the one I got roasted for and I'm fine with that I see people's point. If a true monster comes out, I'm probably going to shoot it. . . I didn't want him spoiled with his first deer. And with him hunting now, I'm probably only shooting one if it's big because he'll tag 2 bucks and a doe or two a year! Now when he's sitting by himself in a few years he can shoot what he likes with the exception of the muley rule.
People thought I was terrible, a few said maybe I shouldn't of had kids, but guess what. My son (12) LOVES hunting, he likes the rules in place. He also has already shot deer of a caliber that I didn't kill till I was in my late twenties! But his first was a small basket buck, and he's mixed in several does. I can honestly say he was just as excited this year about his doe he shot as he was about the muley he just got back from the taxidermist! Now he probably won't remember her as long but he was shaking, excited, and thrilled to walk up on her!
Just do you! Some people raise their kids republican, some raise them democrats, in the end when their brain develops they will make their own decisions, but you will give them a foundation to make those decisions off of. As long as your not going to write one of them out of the will if they bait deer when they are older I don't think you need to worry!