pains of the terrible 2's

[Donjuan]

I'm following.
Our daughter was a colic baby. She will be 2 next month. I was hoping we suffered enough already but the terrible 2s are here. I don't have any answers

 

[kpk]

First off - I'd like to thank everyone that took the time to the reply. This really is a great community.

Apparently my daughter is also on the slide - saw my post - realized she'd been being a jerk and has corrected herself.

In all seriousness, I picked her up from daycare yesterday and the daycare lady (home) said she'd been a bear all day. Wonderful. We drive the 1 block home and go for our walk/trike/bike/scooter ride the same as we do every day when we get home. We got a street over and some of the "big girls" were outside (7ish). My girl asked if she could play too - they said yeah of course. So, she sat in the driveway and watched them make bracelets for an hour or so laughing, giggling, and chattering right along with them. They sent her home with a few bracelets. The rest of the day everything was "please" "thanks" "can I?" "OK, I wont". Perfect little angel.

Wondering what had changed......I remembered she had a "bad" interaction with the "big girls" in our cul-de-sac awhile ago. She asked them if she could play several times and several times was given the cold shoulder and the big girls ran off. She was heartbroken, but I didn't think much of this at the time. I just got her distracted and moved on to something else. Coincidentally, this was about the same time the BAD attitude started.

Looking back - it certainly seems to be a "it may not mean anything to you, but it may mean the world to them". moment. I'm hopeful that getting to play with her new "big girl friends" snapped her out of this funk.

Also, we also have a 17 year old girl in the house. We're in our mid/late thirties and I came into the picture when she was 8 or 9. Her biological father has never been around. Her and I definitely had some fights when she was 13ish...but she's an incredibly good kid now. She's been easy compared to the little one.

 

[WCB]

Spanking is for cavemen, and “muh daddy spanked me, so imma spank junior” is such laziness.

Seems to me that we should be striving to raise our kids better than our parents did us. But hey, that’s just me.

Every kid is different and most people on here are stating what worked for them and their kid(s). Yeah spanking with a caveman mentality is not a good thing put measured punishment to correct something can be a useful tool.

You probably think that a bully shouldn't be punched in the nose either.

 

[Antarctica]

I actually feel like they listen better after you do it instead of them screaming at you and screaming over you. It’s a reset button and lets them know how serious you are. Then comes the talking, teaching, and I love you’s.

This is what I was trying to say when I said its almost like they want it...

 

[Antarctica]

My wife’s cousin was getting ready to go camping. Went out to move the car to load it and didn’t know his youngest toddler followed him out the door. He ran over her killing her. It’s been a very, very heart wrenching week and has certainly made me rethink a lot of things. Hug your little ones as often as possible and be diligent about where they are and your surroundings.

So sorry to hear of this tragedy. I lost a sister in a tragic accident when I was 5 - she was three and a half. It was devastating to my family, and unfortunately probably one of the catalysts to the end of my parents' marriage (although there were many other, more rooted problems).

 

[Whisky]

I'm married, with a 1 and 3 year old. I thank God everyday for alcohol and Copenhagen.
It's brutal!!

 

[MountainTracker]

I have two children who are now 6 and 7 and I found a few things that have helped is being consistent even if it’s the last thing you want to do.

If my kids did/do something out of line I explain to them why mom and dad don’t want them to do such things, i then explain to them what the consequences will be if they do it again. After that I have them repeat everything to include the consequence back to me. Once they do that I then explain ok now you know why not to do that and what will happen if you do, so if you do it you have no one to blame but yourself. The punishment should fit whatever the offense is, but I make sure it’s something they dont want to happen. My son for instance hates going into time out in his room sitting on his bed, that threat after the explanation seems to work for him.

When you mentioned the tablet do you mean like an iPad? If so I really can’t stress enough that at the age of 2 that shouldn’t even be an option. If it is being used, it should be very limited with adult supervision. There is just too much that can be impressed on a child at that age.

Don’t beat yourself up over loosing your cool. The important part is you recognized it and can fix it. Take the time to apologize to your daughter about it. We all make mistakes and the longer I’m a parent the more I realize I mess up a lot.

Being consistent will pay dividends in the long run.


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[rtaylor]

For my two daughters I've changed the consequences based on age and maturity. Spanking done correctly is incredibly effective. At that age when a spanking was warranted we never did it out of anger or as a quick response. We always sent them to their room to allow ourselves to calm down then we would spank them and make sure they felt it. We would leave them in their room to cry it out and afterwards we would explain in detail why they got a spanking and that we loved them. Now at age 9 and 11 they rarely need discipline. They are well balanced, respectful, happy children and I'm positive that it could not have turned out any other way than spankings at an early age.

 

[schmalzy]

Solid posts. I’ve got 3 ages 5, 3 and 6 mos. Have no idea what I’m doing but a few things have helped.

Each one is different in what motivates them.

Be very careful what you say while agitated, kids have an incredible memory.

So long as their safety not at risk, don’t be afraid to cool off for 60 seconds before addressing the problem.

Let each them know every day how much you love and cherish them.

Prayers with Dad every night seems to have a solid impact.


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[kpk]

When you mentioned the tablet do you mean like an iPad? If so I really can’t stress enough that at the age of 2 that shouldn’t even be an option. If it is being used, it should be very limited with adult supervision. There is just too much that can be impressed on a child at that age.

Don’t beat yourself up over loosing your cool. The important part is you recognized it and can fix it. Take the time to apologize to your daughter about it. We all make mistakes and the longer I’m a parent the more I realize I mess up a lot.

Being consistent will pay dividends in the long run.


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Yeah, she watches a Samsung Galaxy tab. She watches it for about 15 minutes when we get home from daycare while having a snack and juice box - I get changed, feed and let the dog out, etc. Then we go for a walk. She watches it again for 15-20 minutes as a wind down time before we get her ready for bedtime routine.

I was really against her watching a tablet too - but I've changed my opinion on that. I think the supervised part is HUGE like you said and as long as it's in moderation. She watches a few channels we set up on a kids account. and it's all educational. She watches Blippi a lot (he's uhhh quite a character??) but I have to admit - my daughter has learned A TON from his videos.

 

[Ddog]

Oh, man. I've seen every Blippi video 10 times. My little dude is over it now, thankfully. It's educational, though.

 

[CoffeeGoat]

Tons of great advice here, we got 2, 4, and 6 right now and something haven't seen mentioned much is the idea of escalation.

In my opinion discipline means correction that is
scaled to the infraction. I wouldn't give a spanking for sneaking a cookie, but I also wouldn't give a scolding for running into the street. If we're raising adults then they need to understand that actions have consequences, sometimes they're small, sometimes they're massive, and hopefully our discipline has enough levels to support this reality. Much of modern parenting advice has really anemic discipline, and hence if you have a stubborn child you're SOL with the ability to apply consequences that actually result in change.

While more of an observation than advice, it seems to me that much of the modern parenting advice doesn't have much in the way of historical evidence that it works - observe the results of the self esteem generation.

 

[CJohnson]

Love your kid
Be patient
Be consistent
Don’t meet then head on when trying to discipline.

I have boys at 3 and 5 and I make mistakes all the time. But, I didn’t have a dad growing up and I know that at least my boys will have someone to lead by example, pick up the phone when they can, and love them unconditionally.

 

[KurtR]

Having a 16 year old now I understand all the stuff that my dad told me when i was 16. He thinks he has the world figured out just like i did

 

[Eldoradotim]

You’ve already got tons of good advice. We’ve got 7, 5, and 2. The 2 yr old is just entering that “terrible 2’s” stage. I’m just here to say it gets better, try to remain patient, but we all snap occasionally. They DO grow out of it and get better. Recently my wife and I were like “were the other 2 like this!?” And they were of course, its just that you block that shit out! Point being…..it’ll pass. Try and enjoy the fun and cuteness of this stage, because that too will pass.

 

[MeatMissile]

Don't spank your kids, it is a short term solution that has long term repercussions. setting rules/boundaries that are age based, and taking the time to enforce the non-violent consequences takes a lot more effort but in the long run will raise great kids.

You need to be the adult, and that means calming yourself and not bringing yourself down to their level. In the long run a tantrum doesn't matter.... they are actually being age appropriate! Just wait til they turn 3- way harder than 2 yrs.

I couldn’t disagree more. Pain is the lowest common denominator understood by the lowliest invertebrates, all the way to man. If your child doesn’t understand there is swift and certain consequence for bad behavior, they’ll always push. I don’t try to reason with the dog, so why would I reason with a 3 year-old? The dog at least knows not to shit on the floor.

Spanking isn’t about losing your temper. It’s the ultimate demonstration of doing what’s necessary while showing restraint. I tell my kids to go wait for me in their room and I go cool off before I go in and give them a measured spanking. They know to take their swat because they’ll get the un-cooled-off dad if they challenge my commands.

3 words: Ask. Tell. MAKE. I ask them to do something. If they don’t immediately do it, I tell them firmly to do it. If they aren’t motivated at that point, I begin to motivate. They learned that being motivated by dad really sucks.

My kids nearly snap to attention when I walk in the room. It’s not fear, it’s respect. Oddly enough, they are closer to me than their mother because she, and her version of parenting, has put her in the sibling/friend zone vs the boss. Humans are pack animals too.

 

[MeatMissile]

I'm married, with a 1 and 3 year old. I thank God everyday for alcohol and Copenhagen.
It's brutal!!

 

[wildwilderness]

I couldn’t disagree more. Pain is the lowest common denominator understood by the lowliest invertebrates, all the way to man. If your child doesn’t understand there is swift and certain consequence for bad behavior, they’ll always push. I don’t try to reason with the dog, so why would I reason with a 3 year-old? The dog at least knows not to shit on the floor.

Spanking isn’t about losing your temper. It’s the ultimate demonstration of doing what’s necessary while showing restraint. I tell my kids to go wait for me in their room and I go cool off before I go in and give them a measured spanking. They know to take their swat because they’ll get the un-cooled-off dad if they challenge my commands.

3 words: Ask. Tell. MAKE. I ask them to do something. If they don’t immediately do it, I tell them firmly to do it. If they aren’t motivated at that point, I begin to motivate. They learned that being motivated by dad really sucks.

My kids nearly snap to attention when I walk in the room. It’s not fear, it’s respect. Oddly enough, they are closer to me than their mother because she, and her version of parenting, has put her in the sibling/friend zone vs the boss. Humans are pack animals too.

Whatever, glad I’m not your kid or dog. Sounds like some control issues….

 

[MeatMissile]

Whatever, glad I’m not your kid or dog. Sounds like some control issues….

Don’t fear leading your family. It doesn’t take much. Again, pain is as basic as it gets. If they learn early what leads to pain, they’ll avoid it. I’m talking three or four spankings was all my kids needed to learn that it sucked. When they see the pre-attack indicators, they self regulate.

The dog is smarter than the kids. She could read me from day one. Never had to lay a hand on her for anything other than scratches and belly rubs.

 

[crich]

I'm following.
Our daughter was a colic baby. She will be 2 next month. I was hoping we suffered enough already but the terrible 2s are here. I don't have any answers

Ours too. I'm convinced that they're more inclined to fly off the handle with their already uncontrollable baby emotions because they've reacted with screaming and crying from the start and thats all they know. I could be wrong but my wife and I have discussed this extensively.