pains of the terrible 2's

[GSPHUNTER]

Playing with your grandchildren one day is a reward for the chore of raising your own kids.

Some days I wished I could have just gone straight to grandkids.

I tell everyone, grandkids are better than your own. And everyone I tell who have grandkids agree.

 

[cnelk]

Ahhhh yes.

Those with young kids giving advice to others with young kids.

You all don’t know what you don’t know what’s coming.

 

[NoWiser]

I have a 2 and 4 year old. I wish I could give you advice but I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

 

[CorbLand]

Don't punish because it makes you frustrated punish to correct. Then as with horses, dogs, etc release that pressure (punishment) as soon as you see the positive response.

I dont have kids so take this for what its worth but I think this is a big key. Punish your kids but give them respect when they correct their behavior. If the answer is always no, then they dont really have anything to lose. My in laws did this with their youngest through her teenage years and it worked for a couple years then she realized she had nothing to lose and all hell broke lose.

 

[roadrunner]

Terrible 2's

Tortuous 3's

Fricken' 4's

Each kid is different. Sometimes a harsh voice and stern look is all it takes and sometimes not.

 

[Shootinsurveyor]

I was a single father raising a 3 year old by myself. It was a tough time for me. I knew that I had to be super consistent with behavior, Mine and hers. My mom would say I was too hard on her not letting her do certain things and act certain ways like my nephews. Well she is twelve now and acts way better than almost all the kids her age. She can carry on a conversation with adults and gets good grades. I almost can't tolerate the kids who come over to play because they are just horribly mannered compared to her. Most people dont teach their kids any manners or social skills. Of course I am biased. I will add that both parents have to be side by side and not play the be their friend game. A united front and consistency along with some luck will get you hopefully where you want to go.

 

[kpk]

My opinion, kids need spanked.

My dad and I had a long conversation about this. His dad (my grandpa) died fairly young unexpectedly. My dad says all he remembers of his father is beatings and obedience. My dad swatted me twice and I remember both of them like it was yesterday. I've swatted her a few times for serious offenses - but based on MY personal life experiences I prefer not to. To each their own on this one.

Forget about the "getting on their level" nonsense. You are an authority figure, you are not on the same level.

When I say I get "on her level" - I mean quite literally get on her level. I take a knee so we are face to face, I tell her EYES! We then have our discussion and I ask if she understands. "Most" of the time she knows this means daddys not messing around.

you say you threw “her” tablet across the yard. Her tablet? She works? Did she pay for it? Or did you throw your tablet across the yard?

Understood.

and a reality check: you and your wife’s success/ drive means nothing to your kid. Absolutely nothing. The kid has no comprehension of when you’ve done, just remember the result/end of all that hard work ( your hiuse/car/vacations/ belongings) are your kids starting point. The expectation for the kid is that this is the default. You’ve given her a good life by working hard and expecting her to reward you by being a good kid. Nope. Doesn’t work that way.

I'm saying I think her drive and stubbornness is in her blood. Like good hunting lines in a dog, my daughter seems to have all of the personality traits from her great grandparents to my wife and I. It's challenging to reign all that personality in.

finally, younare going to have to adjust your ambitions and drop them a bit while you focus on your kid. This has been the hardest part of being a parent. Your desires are now 2nd (at least). I’d be willing to bet your frustration is in part the result of your kid getting in the way of your desires to do something (big or small).

Not at all - I actually prefer to spend time with her. I get what you're saying though and thanks.

 

[5MilesBack]

None of our three went through the "terrible 2's" because by the time they were 2, they knew better than to try anything like that. All three have been great past 1 1/2. Our oldest is now going on 23 and post-college, middle is going on 21 and a junior, and our youngest is going on 15. Like they say........"nip it in the bud early and immediately when needed". Biblical discipline........it works. And it should work.......the Creator giving us an instruction manual that covers every single thing in life.

 

[Crusader]

Lots of good advice here, it's cool to read the things you guys are encouraging him with. I'm old, have daughters that are now 24 and 28. Have been through some of this stuff a long time ago. But I believe you'll figure it out and be okay. All I'll say is when you do figure it out, be consistent and continue to show your love to her. You'll need all that as a foundation because those middle-school and even early high school years can really be challenging and the kids that are poorly behaved as little ones almost always become problems at the later ages. (And be firm and consistent 10 years from now, you'll still be the boss then. Don't let her break rules then without consequences, either. But, all that is for another time!)

 

[Antarctica]

I haven't had a chance to read through all the responses in detail, but those I skimmed had some good advice.

Two points that stood out:

1) All kids are different
2) Choose your battles

I have two: Boy 6 and Girl 5, 15 months apart. The girl will melt if you so much as speak in a stern voice or look at her wrong. The boy will test a bit more but he's still a really good kid.

I have spanked the boy many times, but I have mostly reserved it for when he has challenged my authority, I feel that has been successful. I also spank in a specific way - over my knee, pants down, one little crack.

Honestly, I hardly even need to make skin contact. Once he is over the knee, and he remembers that I am in control of the situation, the lesson is learned. He is not the boss. The spank at that point is hardly more than a love pat, but to him, its serious discipline. There have been times when he has pushed so hard that its like he almost wants it. The amazing thing is how fast it can turn things around - it happens, I remind him why and to not do it again, I tell him I love him and that I don't want to have to do that, and then I give him a big hug. Maybe say something silly while I am hugging him and he is usually laughing with tears still in his eyes - and back to a happy kid. Yes it sucks to do - I hate it. But its almost like hitting the reset button for him. He rarely needs this at 6, but from 2-4, it wasn't uncommon.

And again, pick your battles. It can't be your default method of dealing with things. It needs to be a chosen point. Sometimes I let them get away with it and make it random, so that they always know when they are toying with trouble. But when you decide its time for that, you've got to follow through - as much as you'll hate doing it (I've had to spank once or twice and had to literally hide my own tears - its not fun).

 

[cnelk]

Just teach them not to be offended by Memes on Rokslide and they will go far in life.

 

[woods89]

I haven't had a chance to read through all the responses in detail, but those I skimmed had some good advice.

Two points that stood out:

1) All kids are different
2) Choose your battles

I have two: Boy 6 and Girl 5, 15 months apart. The girl will melt if you so much as speak in a stern voice or look at her wrong. The boy will test a bit more but he's still a really good kid.

I have spanked the boy many times, but I have mostly reserved it for when he has challenged my authority, I feel that has been successful. I also spank in a specific way - over my knee, pants down, one little crack.

Honestly, I hardly even need to make skin contact. Once he is over the knee, and he remembers that I am in control of the situation, the lesson is learned. He is not the boss. The spank at that point is hardly more than a love pat, but to him, its serious discipline. There have been times when he has pushed so hard that its like he almost wants it. The amazing thing is how fast it can turn things around - it happens, I remind him why and to not do it again, I tell him I love him and that I don't want to have to do that, and then I give him a big hug. Maybe say something silly while I am hugging him and he is usually laughing with tears still in his eyes - and back to a happy kid. Yes it sucks to do - I hate it. But its almost like hitting the reset button for him. He rarely needs this at 6, but from 2-4, it wasn't uncommon.

And again, pick your battles. It can't be your default method of dealing with things. It needs to be a chosen point. Sometimes I let them get away with it and make it random, so that they always know when they are toying with trouble. But when you decide its time for that, you've got to follow through - as much as you'll hate doing it (I've had to spank once or twice and had to literally hide my own tears - its not fun).

Some good advice here. There is a huge difference between a spanking and a beating. My parents spanked and I am the better for it.

 

[butcherboy]

We have spanked our kids when needed which isn’t often. They get the point quick when you do. I actually feel like they listen better after you do it instead of them screaming at you and screaming over you. It’s a reset button and lets them know how serious you are. Then comes the talking, teaching, and I love you’s. Each kid is different. My 10 yr old boy melts when I talk firm to him. My 7 yr old daughter melts when I raise my voice but she cries hysterically so we put her in her room and give her a few minutes until she stops enough to talk to her. She is a sassy red head and has gotten her share fair of spankings. My 4 yr old daughter has been spanked often enough now that threats stop her behavior and if they don’t then we follow through. We take favorite toys away and limit screen time. Everything depends on what they did and what their behavior was. Let the punishment fit the crime. Lol my boy now says “yes sir/mam and no sir/mam, no thank you, please, and thank you” on a regular basis. They are good kids and I love them more than anything. Especially this past week.....

My wife’s cousin was getting ready to go camping. Went out to move the car to load it and didn’t know his youngest toddler followed him out the door. He ran over her killing her. It’s been a very, very heart wrenching week and has certainly made me rethink a lot of things. Hug your little ones as often as possible and be diligent about where they are and your surroundings.

 

[cjl2010]

I bet if you have another one it’ll get easier

 

[txtransplant]

Spanking is for cavemen, and “muh daddy spanked me, so imma spank junior” is such laziness.

Seems to me that we should be striving to raise our kids better than our parents did us. But hey, that’s just me.

 

[Dos Perros]

I'd like to reserve giving advice until the last lucent thought I have as I slip into the sweet release of death. Larger dataset that way, should know if what I believe and what we are doing as parents worked. Anecdotally, of course.

 

[Triggerman650]

@kpk I feel your pain. I have three boys (4/8/9) I love them to death but there are days where I wish I would have pulled out instead LOL! I go to work during the week so I tend to have more patience for their antics when I get home, my wife on the other hand is working from home now so she's got all three of them to deal with for most of her day. Their last day of school was today, so god help her for the next few months.

 

[Vids]

Some great advice on here, and even though I have slightly older kids now (10, 8, 5) I've learned a couple things I could have done better when they were that age.

Just wanted to add a vote for the Love & Logic style of parenting, it's helped me a lot. We took a class a few years back, and implementing those strategies has improved things. Simplistically, it's about letting them figure it out for themselves and putting the responsibility on them. Give them natural consequences and they will figure it out quick. I think too many parents get caught up in doing things FOR their kids, when in reality your job is to TEACH them how to do it themselves.

My kids have gone from being very dependent on me doing things for them, to figuring out they need to manage their own stuff. You didn't have enough snacks at school today? Okay, you should pack more. You ran out of water during class? I guess you should have filled your water bottle up before leaving the house. You were late for practice? Okay, you get to explain it to the coach. Dad told you we were leaving at 5:00 and you weren't ready.

Since I've applied this system to my parenting, my kids have developed a sense of responsibility and greater self confidence. It also releases a lot of the pressure of being a parent, when you can hand off responsibility to them as they are able to take it.

My examples apply to kids a little older, but the L&L style has methods for younger kids too. I highly recommend looking into it.

 

[Marbles]

I have to say, I'm impressed that so few on here see spanking as the answer to everything.

I grew up in a community where spankings with leather belts was common and the goal was compliance simply for compliance. Most of the parents think their adult kids are good, but most of the kids I grew up with have deep seated problems. Spankings used in this way are like veneer placed over chip board.

Good parenting is good leadership, I have yet to see a leader who is worth anything that demands blind compliance. The irony, is the best leaders can get blind compliance when it is called for because they have earned trust and respect.

Norway is proof that decent people and solid societies can be created without corporal punishment.

Some great advice on here, and even though I have slightly older kids now (10, 8, 5) I've learned a couple things I could have done better when they were that age.

Just wanted to add a vote for the Love & Logic style of parenting, it's helped me a lot. We took a class a few years back, and implementing those strategies has improved things. Simplistically, it's about letting them figure it out for themselves and putting the responsibility on them. Give them natural consequences and they will figure it out quick. I think too many parents get caught up in doing things FOR their kids, when in reality your job is to TEACH them how to do it themselves.

My kids have gone from being very dependent on me doing things for them, to figuring out they need to manage their own stuff. You didn't have enough snacks at school today? Okay, you should pack more. You ran out of water during class? I guess you should have filled your water bottle up before leaving the house. You were late for practice? Okay, you get to explain it to the coach. Dad told you we were leaving at 5:00 and you weren't ready.

Since I've applied this system to my parenting, my kids have developed a sense of responsibility and greater self confidence. It also releases a lot of the pressure of being a parent, when you can hand off responsibility to them as they are able to take it.

My examples apply to kids a little older, but the L&L style has methods for younger kids too. I highly recommend looking into it.

I will have to look into the Love and Logic method.

One of the few books I have found worth a thing is Elements of Dicipline, however, it is written in an academic style and many might find it hard to read (I found it hard to read).

 

[Cliffy65]

Our girls were great kids all the way until recently. Now 14 & 16 and they know EVERYTHING. Rude, no respect. Opinionated. Entitled. It’s horrible.
People said “wait until they’re teenagers” and I always said that we will be fine, they’re very placid girls. I was wrong.
If you’re having trouble at 2, maybe it’ll all be good during the teenage years?!?!?