Money or Happiness

[cowdisciple]

I mean, money can't buy happiness, and you never get your time back. But it can buy early retirement, which is kind of the same thing.

 

[BravoNovember]

I start a new job Monday that is $15k less per year. I am leaving a management/desk job to go back into the trades. The desk is not for me and not happy. We live well within our means so it’s a move I could make. At the end of the day an individual contribute role is likely to be less stress and better for my life, if I’m in a better headspace then my time with my family is better.

The long and short of it is to decide what’s best for you and your family and not be too concerned with what the internet or (extended) family or friends think.

 

[S.Clancy]

I wouldn't save enough for my kids college if it cost me time with them growing up. Just my 2 cents

My buddy's wife (a therapist) would agree. Her practice consists almost entirely of college kids that come from affluent families whose parent (or parents) prioritized $$$ over time with their children.

 

[Will_m]

It’s always something. Either the work sucks and you stress about it or the pay sucks and you stress about it. At the end of the day just the make the best of what pays the most and gives some semblance of reasonableness between working time and personal time.

I’m sure I’d love a fun job if I had a trust fund. Fun job wouldn’t be too damn fun coming home to money stretched to the absolute limit and no funds to enjoy any hobbies.

 

[rideold]

You have to do something for work that is meaningful and valuable to you. Money be damned. Easy to say. Hard to do. What I do know for sure is that doing a job you hate will make you less valuable to your wife as a husband and a father to your kids. Unhappy people aren't resilient. Do some soul searching. Take some classes like The Focus Course or the like and find your direction.

 

[Jimmy]

The only cash my father gave me was $500 when I was 8 and he opened up a savings account for me at the bank. Then he taught me to work, enjoy work, and save your money.

My sister made $30,000 growing and selling tomatoes at a stand in front of our house for four summers in high school.

Your kids don't need your money.

 

[CorbLand]

OP, one nice thing is that you are not in the position of having to take a new job. Maybe throw your application in to a few places and see what happens. I think we get caught up in the "I have been here 18 years and there is no way someone will pay me what I currently make" mentality. You never know and its a completely different world than it was 18 years ago.

 

[180ls1]

OP, one nice thing is that you are not in the position of having to take a new job. Maybe throw your application in to a few places and see what happens. I think we get caught up in the "I have been here 18 years and there is no way someone will pay me what I currently make" mentality. You never know and its a completely different world than it was 18 years ago.

That's a great point. It very well could be a limiting belief. The data does support that people who change jobs (in a strategic manner) earn more.

 

[WCB]

Is there anything you can do to cut that 20yrs down? Do you have expensive cars, boats, big house etc that are requiring large payments. An option would be dump all those things...work a few more years save an ass load of money. Then do what you want and be completely comfortable.

Also in the words of Ariana Grande:
"Whoever said money can't solve your problems
Must not have had enough money to solve 'em"

 

[Dos Perros]

Typing this having not read the other replies...

1) 50 hours a week seems like a lot to me, especially if you add in a commute. You could do a lot with an extra 8 to 10 hours a week (almost 2 hours a day!).

2) Money is way down the list of valuable things you can give your family. It's lower than your time for sure. You should also consider that the quality of your children' lives after they have become adults is not so tightly correlated to your wealth. Even if you "set them up" it may not ultimately improve their outcomes. Lessons learned the hard way are remembered.

3) I wouldn't underestimate your earning potential doing something else. I've noticed people tend to underestimate in that area. I think you likely have plenty of reasons to be more optimistic.

 

[JeffP_Or]

My family was a bit lucky - my grandparents started college funds for the kids which payed a large portion of our secondary educations; this was at a time my parents could not have paid those bills. As kids, we were taught self-reliance and budgeting that many miss out on today. Leaving school without much debt helped us get established without relying on our parents which in turn gave them freedom to begin to enjoy the second [third?] parts of their lives. There is some really sage advice above in not 'setting up your kids' financially.

There is also some good advice about moving within the firm or discussing an alternative role with the firm. Sometimes, those are the types of changes that can reinvigorate your purpose and will also alter how you feel about the folks around you.

Don't forget too, that if the tables were turned, your firm could dump you tomorrow and have no misgivings. Eighteen years or not....it happens.

Lastly, I will also mention, sometimes, PTO is negotiable - instead of a pay increase, asking for more time to enjoy with the family or personal pursuits works out for everyone if you are already at a salary level that makes you comfortable.

Good luck.

 

[TreeDog]

But I can also justify leaving knowing that my family will still be comfortable and I could potentially be a better father and husband.

To me, this is the right answer.


I don't have kids, at least not yet, so take this with a grain of salt. Providing for your family is the number one priority. But what does that mean to you? Does it mean that they have full stomachs, clothes on their backs, a roof over their heads, college tuition plus being set for life, BUT dad is at work all the time? Or does it mean that they have all the necessities to live comfortably now AND they get to spend more time with their dad? Life is short. You can give all the money in the world, but you can't get back the time.

 

[TaperPin]

Job satisfaction is not tied directly or inversely to $$$. You wont have a problem finding a miserable job for less money, so be very careful. As you know it’s quite hard to know what a change would do for you, and what kind of change is correct. I know many guys who are better off working on being happy and reframing where they are - self talk often determins if you like a job, or wife, or town, or relatives.

A friend was sick of living in the city - sold the house, moved to a rural place and made half as much money. That lasted 9 months before they moved back and cost the family around $150k between moving twice, replacing items that couldn’t be moved, lost work time, and from the sounds of it some marriage counseling. Lol

On the other hand I worked for a miserable and unreasonable person for 10 years, not knowing it was dragging me down so much until I left. That was something that should have happened a few years sooner.

No matter which way you go, working on yourself to be more employable and able to change directions will benefit you no matter what.

 

[7mm-08]

You pose a tough question that only you can decide. Unlike you, I'm on the other end of a 33-year career that ended in 2014 with a good wage and a robust retirement, which (I know) is unheard of in this job market. I worked 60-hour weeks for my entire career. My job wasn't miserable and, in fact, it was challenging, fun, included a lot of travel (some years were 200 nights/year on the road) and was everchanging. What I failed to appreciate during my career was the time I missed with my wife and family. My wife was a "buckle up" kind of blue collar girl and she never complained. She shouldered virtually all the household responsibilities and did what she had to do while I was running my sorry ass all over world solving what (at the time) I believed to be big problems that NEEDED my presence and attention, which was not entirely accurate. Long way of saying you're in a difficult but fabulous poistion - your employer has you in what we commonly called "the golden handcuffs." You make good money and rightly have your eye to the future with you family's wellbeing in your sights. What this boils down to is your analysis of the challenge in front of you. What you can't do if you decide to remain in your job, however, is to grow bitter or resentful - that'll throw a monkeywrench in everybody's gears. What I can say with certainty is that being in a position that you never have to worry about your future (financially) is an incredible feeling.

Edit: Remeber they call it work for a reason!

 

[cnelk]

A few pointers:

*The best time to look for a job is when you have a job.

*There's a reason the rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield

*Let those kids decide if they even want to go to college - Maybe a Trade School will be a better fit for them at that time


I retired almost 4 years ago. In addition to my state pension, I do some carpentry and handyman work. Extra $$$ is nice and has afforded me to do some good stuff.

A couple months ago I was approached to do a Facility Mgmt job. Out of country travel.

$25,000/month for one year. I declined. It just didnt fit my short term goals.

Money aint everything.

 

[mtwarden]

I was a game warden for 24 years, definitely happiness vs money

No regrets.

 

[roadrunner]

Dude....you got kids.

Man up and work that crummy dependable job for another 20 years and take care of your family. Money is going to be a VERY important part of your family's future and in the upcoming years with the rising costs of EVERYTHING it will be more important than ever to make good money to continue your current lifestyle.

I came from northing, and I would never want to go back to it. I would rather have money. Being broke sucked and to be honest it was super stressful wondering how I was going to make my standard bills.

20 years is a long freakin' time. Is that what you did or are doing?

 

[Rich M]

Im almost in the same spot. Make it 10 years to go.

It is hard to motivate oneself and im there w you. I could not retire w/o my salary and would make 1/2 to 1/3 my current salary if changing jobs. Nope. Gonna look at the haters and smile knowing i earned the spot & salary, will hopefully retire from it.

I alwsys tell young folks that you always arent gonna like your job. Make your boss’s life easier and he or she will repay the favor. Test that theory. As a boss, i live up to it.

Figure out what you need and just get it for yourself - training, another degree, etc. will set you apart more and remind you how smart and talented you are.

Worst case. Set your kids up some and yourself a lot. Then make a switch once the $$$ doesnt matter anymore.

Good luck to you.

 

[MallardSX2]

20 years is a long freakin' time. Is that what you did or are doing?

I got:

 

[BravoNovember]

Dude....you got kids.

Man up and work that crummy dependable job for another 20 years and take care of your family. Money is going to be a VERY important part of your family's future and in the upcoming years with the rising costs of EVERYTHING it will be more important than ever to make good money to continue your current lifestyle.

I came from northing, and I would never want to go back to it. I would rather have money. Being broke sucked and to be honest it was super stressful wondering how I was going to make my standard bills.

Dude....you got kids.

Man up and work that crummy dependable job for another 20 years and take care of your family. Money is going to be a VERY important part of your family's future and in the upcoming years with the rising costs of EVERYTHING it will be more important than ever to make good money to continue your current lifestyle.

I came from northing, and I would never want to go back to it. I would rather have money. Being broke sucked and to be honest it was super stressful wondering how I was going to make my standard bills.

I may be unconventional, but this is the worst advice. Too many men have been told over time to “man up”. Money is not everything, feelings and emotions are not invalid. This is not from a “woke” person but a realist. Kids can pave their own way and go to college. Scholarships and military opportunities can pay for school. Time cannot be returned, spend time and raise kids to be good people. The chase of money and material possessions will be the final nail in the coffin of our society