Help getting my dad out

[Jon Boy]

I'm trying to get my dad out on an elk hunt in Idaho this year. He's been giving me the go around and I couldn't figure out why. He's retired and well off so time and money are not an issue He's a casual hunter that likes to relax in elk camp and have a good time. As some of you know, I've always been opposite of that.

As a teenager I put on some death marches with him in tow when ever I got him to go out with me. I was always success driven and would give him a hard time when ever I felt like he screwed up. Now that I've aged some and can look at the big picture I realize that was the complete wrong way to go about things, obviously.

Any how after getting off the phone with him tonight he texted me that he was worried about disappointing me on the hunt. I feel terrible. I just want to have a good time with my old man! If that means sleeping in and driving a bunch of roads in between short hikes so be it! I've had my fair share of success the last few seasons and could care less if I eat the tag. I really just want to drink some beer, eat some good food, BS and do a little hunting with my dad. I've tried to make that clear but he just ain't buying it.

Do you guys have any suggestions for me on making this hunt happen? Should I just plan a non hunting trip vacation for us to relax? I'm sure some of you guys have been in this predicament before being outgoing hunters while having friends and family that are more casual? I could really use some suggestions!

 

[SHTF]

Jon Boy. You are a true Hero in my book. Good for you turning it around and seeing what really matters. Sometimes thats hard to see when younger until you learn the truth behind that. I know the feeling of disappointing someone. Ive been in your dads shoes and it is a tough place to be in. Id say you really need to lay out to your dad kind of like your did here. I commend you in a huge way. What really matters most in this world is the relationships and the impacts we have on those we love. Im sure he is the proudest dad ever but at the same time he doesn't feel the need to be as driven as you have proven to be in the past. He has lived those years and trust me when we start getting older it doesn't get easier. So the last thing your dad wants is to disappoint you by being any less of a man in the field then what you expect. Tough reality and you have learned a valuable lesson in life. Kudos to you man. Takes a real man to get online and lay out your vulnerability like that.

 

[camelcluch]

It is a great thing to want to spend time with your dad. I would tell him exactly what you typed here. It's not so much the hunt but the time you get to spend with him. He may not know and I'm sure would like to hear it. Good luck and I hope it works out.

 

[AdamW]

I think you just need to tell him everything you've said here and reiterate it.

"Dad, I know you've said you're worried about 'disappointing me' or holding me back on this hunt somehow, but the truth is I just want to spend some quality time with you, hit the woods and have a good time together. The older I get, the more I've started to think about quality time than hunting hard and success rates. If you would rather do something else together, I'm cool with that too; but if you'd like to go hunting, it would mean a lot to me for us to go together."

Great thread and somewhat applicable to my own situation. My dad isn't retirement age yet and has worked hard his whole life. He's in the ag business so spring and fall are his busiest seasons aka most hunting seasons. I'm backpack hunting for elk for the first time this year and already in my mind I'm thinking about an antelope hunt or hog hunt even that would be more relaxation/fun for him and sucking wind gaining and losing elevation. He always made plenty of time for me as a kid and I don't want to take that time for granted while we've still got hopefully many years together.

 

[Jeff Martin]

I say you tell him what you just told us. You just want time with him!!! And, he has no choice so pack his bags. He will love it and remember his son wanting his time much more than anything else.

 

[AdamW]

I say you tell him what you just told us. You just want time with him!!! And, he has no choice so pack his bags. He will love it and remember his son wanting his time much more than anything else.

"Old man, I'm the one that decides what old geezer home you go to, so ge-ge-get yo ass in the truck!"

 

[LongWayAround]

I'm in a similar situation.

My dad wanted to do an elk/deer hunt with me this year so I got him a leftover deer tag. He seems somewhat concerned about me wanting to push too hard but I've been trying to tell him that's not the plan
I just want him to come reasonably prepared to put in a few long days with me and keep hunting when I go back to work. I even intentionally bought him a different season tag than what I have so I won't have any distraction to get my own buck at the same time.

 

[elkyinzer]

Good stuff, Jon. I remember as a kid my dad and grandpap used to do the opposite to me, dragging me around the woods through friggin giant jagger patches, making me carry my heavy treestand a mile back into the woods, wading boulder strewn rivers every step risking a broken ankle. I would get so pissed at the time but I would never give up and it made me a better hunter, fisher, and man today no doubt.

Now I'm in my prime and he's getting up there in his 50's and the roles are reversing, once in awhile I like to turn on the jets just to repay him for those days, but in general I have no problem waiting for him and will continue to be patient for as long as he can come out. My grandpap is nearly bedridden and it really sucks he's not out there with us anymore.

Just tell your dad you want to hunt with him and you guys can meet in the middle. Maybe a cow or doe tag? Maybe a fishing break in between? A quick trip to the titty bar haha? Who knows I don't know you or your old man but family is what it's all about, good for you for coming around on it, it's what this life is all about.

 

[toddb]

Cherish every moment you have. Lost my dad last year at 80 years old. We just pulled into grocery store in colorado after 20 hour drive day before season to get food and sister called to say he passed in night. We got 2 1/2 days of tear filled hunting in before we raced back to funeral. He would have been passed the women did not put off his burial till end of our hunt. He had sacrificed a lot for me, my brother and sister growing up. I will be lucky to be even half the man he was.

 

[TJ]

It is a great thing to want to spend time with your dad. I would tell him exactly what you typed here. It's not so much the hunt but the time you get to spend with him. He may not know and I'm sure would like to hear it. Good luck and I hope it works out.

Yes, this is what he needs to hear. Good advice!

 

[Jon Boy]

Thanks guys! I guess I haven't really made it clear that its more of spending time with him than the hunt. I think his real concern is that I drew limited entry bull tag, and he'll have a general spike/cow tag for the same time period. He doesn't want to hold me back from killing a tank bull. Like I said earlier I could care less if I eat this tag, I have 4 elk tags in my pocket this year and if I will fill one of them I'll be happy. I'll also have the entire month long season to hunt and rough it and he'll only be there for 5 days. I'll just make it clear all I want is his time. He's getting up there in age and know there's not a lot of hunts ahead where we can do this.

 

[AdamW]

Thanks guys! I guess I haven't really made it clear that its more of spending time with him than the hunt. I think his real concern is that I drew limited entry bull tag, and he'll have a general spike/cow tag for the same time period. He doesn't want to hold me back from killing a tank bull. Like I said earlier I could care less if I eat this tag, I have 4 elk tags in my pocket this year and if I will fill one of them I'll be happy. I'll also have the entire month long season to hunt and rough it and he'll only be there for 5 days. I'll just make it clear all I want is his time. He's getting up there in age and know there's not a lot of hunts ahead where we can do this.

Again, tell him exactly that. Do we need to call Dr. Phil to get you two to talk to each other?

 

[Swede]

Jon, If your dad is not up for a death march hunt, how about a tree stand? I have friends that are pretty casual about their hunts and still get elk. Your dad could hunt the afternoon and evening in a tree stand and still have a great chance at a critter. If you are not sure, order the Tree Stand Hunting Rocky Mountain Elk book I wrote, and see if that piques his interest. I am no longer up to death march hunts either, and extra long pack outs are a nonstarter with me too.

 

[PJG]

Could it be he doesn't want to travel to Idaho? I know it's only s stones throw, but maybe it's the travel...just throwing it out there.

 

[Jon Boy]

Could it be he doesn't want to travel to Idaho? I know it's only s stones throw, but maybe it's the travel...just throwing it out there.

Thats a good point that my mother just brought up to me. She said its a long drive for him to do in a snow storm in Nov. She also suggested that we could surprise him with a plane ticket which could work. I'll be going to his elk camp in WA this year the first week of Oct and I told him today we can talk about the details then. Neither one of us need set in stone plans so it can wait till then and I don't want to push the issue. Regardless if Idaho happens or not we will be hunting together in WA for a week on his terms in the country hes familiar with, and maybe thats good enough for this season? It will be the first time I've attended his elk camp in many years and its always a good time.

 

[wapitibob]

I'd guess he's a tad reluctant to relive your youthful outbursts. If it was my dad I'd tell him sorry I was an ass, I finally pulled my head out, and want to spend some time making sure HE has a good hunt. You're gunna have to prove it to him, he'll sit on the sidelines before he takes a chance on messing up what he perceives as a hunt that's important to you.

 

[PJG]

Thats a good point that my mother just brought up to me. She said its a long drive for him to do in a snow storm in Nov. She also suggested that we could surprise him with a plane ticket which could work. I'll be going to his elk camp in WA this year the first week of Oct and I told him today we can talk about the details then. Neither one of us need set in stone plans so it can wait till then and I don't want to push the issue. Regardless if Idaho happens or not we will be hunting together in WA for a week on his terms in the country hes familiar with, and maybe thats good enough for this season? It will be the first time I've attended his elk camp in many years and its always a good time.

Yeah man, maybe tell him you need someone to watch over camp, take all the hunting pressure off of him.

He's probably a hard headed hard guy and is more worried of holding you back and rather than just saying he feels he's too old and slow and would feel terrible if he's the reason you don't punch your tag. I get it man, getting old can't be easy.

Trust me, I get the feeling that theirs nothing more that he would rather do than spend time with his son. But, is probably more worried of getting in the way more than anything.

Goodluck this year Jon, your hearts in the right place.

 

[N2TRKYS]

If you want a laid back hunting, dranking, and eating kind of get together, just do a Spring turkey hunt.

 

[mavmskyb8]

Great thread!!! My dad never hunted, so our time together was always family vacations. But I raised both my son & daughter hunting and fishing. I'm 56, and moving slower every year. My son is coming out for the last week of archery and I'm so excited!
Like many before me said, I think you need to tell him what you've shared with us here. Our time on this earth is short, and to me, it's about the memories we make with our families. Good luck, and I'm sure you can change his mind!
Cheers!
Bret

 

[SWVA_Tim]

Jon Boy its takes a man to be vunerable like that ... I so wish my dad would even come out with us any more (he's able to)....Make the most of your doing a hell of a job....Just tell him straight up what you told us