Funniest story while hunting?

I was duck hunting with my father-in-law in frigid January temperatures with about 8 inches of crusty snow on the ground. We got cold sitting around, so we went for a walk. We were side hilling about halfway up a 300 foot hill on a fairly steep slope without any issues, when all of a sudden his dog starts sliding down the hill but luckily stops about 30 feet down. We were able to laugh once we saw the dog was safe. We thought the dog was light enough and slid on the crust on the top of the snow until my father-in-law did the same exact slide moments later. Then I got to laugh that he didn't learn from his dog. I carefully uncovered that there was a spring coming out of the side of the hill that froze in the cold weather leaving a sloped ice rink but there was an inch or two of snow on top making it invisible. Be careful out there!
 
Thought of another one. 2 buddies and I were doing some turkey scouting on a large tract of public land in MO. We spit up and agreed to reconvene in the same spot in a couple hours. The 3 of us were standing not 5 feet apart when were heard some commotion headed our way. A doe was running into the sun and did not see us until she was within 5-6 feet. She then went bat-chit crazy, went ass over tea kettle right between us and took off. This all took place in about 5 seconds. We had a good laugh at that.
 
Another good one. Hunting with the wife, we were about 20+ miles from pavement, driving along a wilderness/forestry road on the way back to camp, when she spied a decent-ish little whitetail buck. I stopped the truck, and she hoped out. The deer had kind of wandered back into the forest a bit so she followed him...

Now let me interject something here - if you hand my wife a rifle and let her sit down with some shooting sticks, she is lethal out to pretty much as far as she can see. But off-hand with a heavy gun (which this one was), her lack of arm strength and lack of off-hand practice makes her almost unable to hit the side of a barn from more than say 50 yards out.

Anyway, I can still see her through the trees when she swings the rifle up to her shoulder and the first BOOM goes off... damn, he must have been REAL close for her to not try to find a rest and shoot at him off hand....

She steps into the trees a bit more, gun still up.... about 30 seconds later... BOOM.....

Moves in deeper till she's out of sight.... about 60 seconds later... BOOM.....

Another minute or two later... BOOM....

I stick by the truck waiting for her to pipe up on the radio saying 'I got him, come help me drag him out'.....

Another minute or so goes by... now quieter than before, more off in the distance... BOOM......

Long pause... radio crackles to live - "Got him, come help me!!!"

When I got to her, she was that kind of breathless and out of sorts and said to me "I kept missing, but then I finally sat down and used a tree for a rest and then I finally got him! Wow... I can't believe he didn't run off and just let me keep trying..."

"Well", sez me, "I reckon after the first couple of shots, he didn't recognize you as a threat, so...".... (no, she did not appreciate my comment, at all, LOL)....
 
Here in the east the public forests open up gates on roads normally closed the rest of year. I used to bird hunt a great deal and at the end of one day decided to check out a couple of roads I hadn’t been down yet. I’m driving a mini van so not doing any four wheeling. It’s Saturday afternoon around 4. About 40 degrees. All 3 dogs sacked out and resting. As I’m on forestry roads I don’t have them locked in their crates. Drive down a new to me road and need to answer a call of nature. Pull into the edge of a log landing, and get out and as I’m only going to be a minute or two leave the van running with the windows up and shut the door. Molly wakes up, is standing on the front passenger seat looking out the window, Door shutting spooks 3 long beards I hadn’t seen out of the landing, they run within a couple feet of the front of the van and me, Molly sees the big birds and suddenly is full of energy, jumps on drivers door and hits the electronic lock button and locks the.van down tight. Turkeys run into the woods, Molly lays down and goes back to sleep and I’m stuck trying to figure out how to break into the van. No phone, (wife with spare key two hour drive away and she’ll never find me), van running with quarter tank of gas, key in the ignition and I’m about a half hour from it getting dark. Nearest pay phone is at least 4 to 5 miles away hiking cross country. Had the rear vent windows open. Couldn’t find a stick long enough and skinny enough to reach the front. Was able to pry the door a small distance from the frame and force a thin small stick through the rubber gasket. After a about 45 minutes of trying to hit the lock button I’m successful. I was seriously trying to decide which window I was going to break. Molly lead on several similar adventures. That was her crowning moment.
 
Hunting south dakota mule deer one year. I seen 5 white dots off in the diatance shining in the sun. I thought to myself " holy crap theres some mulies over there"! So i begin my approach over to them staying hidden in the dips and valleys of the western south dakota prairie. Get to the top of the knoll figuring it will be about a 60 yard shot with my bow. Get to the top and glass one last time to make sure i pick the most mature buck. Im glassing the whites spots i seen, but no deer to be had. I get alittle closer and a little closer, i seen a little brown on the white spots as im closing the distance. I get up to it and yell " who the F took a dump out here"! Ended up being my buddy i was hunting with lol. I thought the shit paper wads were mule deer butts 🤣. I did however make him pick the shit paper up. Sure fooled me!
 
More quote than story....

Best buddy & lifelong Florida cracker came along with me & another buddy for a Colorado elk hunt.

Sitting around the first night, Josh & I just laid back watching the stars & taking in the cool air.

Shane sat in his log.....

"Man. It's so nice to sit next to a bonfire that doesn't have a f*cking tire on it."

Josh & I couldn't breathe for laughing, for a solid 5 minutes. I don't think I've ever laughed that hard for that long in my life! 🤣🤣🤣IMG_20140903_103941_496.jpg
 
Me, my buddy, his little brother and their dad all went pheasant hunting 2 years ago. We were entering the 2nd field of the day and met a guy just walking out that said he winged a pheasant but he didn’t have a dog and couldn’t find it. We walked about 200 yards across this field and my dog ended up flushing the crippled bird and my buddy’s brother shot it. The bird was still only crippled and my buddy’s brother asked me how to dispatch it since he’s not much of a bird hunter. I told him to hold it by the head and to swing its body to break its neck.

So we keep on walking down this field and I hear “hey man it didn’t work, what do I do?!” And I told him just to give it another one, a good one… next thing i know, out of the corner of my eye, I see the body of a pheasant fly about 50 yards across this field and me and my buddy are dying laughing because their dad is just absolutely berating him while he stands there with just the head in his hand and a confused look on his face haha


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About thirty years ago now, my buddy and I were heading down the road in AK on our way to go duck hunting with my lab in the back of the overhead camper I had on my single cab Chevy truck. A little ways south of Fairbanks, a young bull moose ran across the road in front of us and into a gravel pit next to the road, so we quickly pulled over because we each also had a moose license. When we pulled over to find the moose, my lab started barking wildly and wouldn't stop. I figured he had seen the moose and was scared. We found the young bull moose standing in about three feet of water and decided we didn't want to mess with him in the water so we walked back to my truck where my lab was still barking. We then proceeded to drive the 45 minutes to our duck hunting lake and quickly gathered our gear to get a quick hunt in before the sun set. After we returned to the truck and camper it was dark, and when we opened the camper door and were greeted by a horrendous smell. My buddy climbed up into the camper and went to grab his sleping bag he had laying on the dinnete cushion and soon realized the source of the smell. Apparently, when we stopped for the moose, my lab got too excited and pooped on the head end of my buddies sleeping bag! That's probably why he was barking so much.... We threw it out in the parking lot for the remainder of the trip and he used one of my extra sleeping bags I always carried.
 
Me and my buddy were coon hunting one night. Little snow on the ground rare for the south and a clear night with a moon so no need for lights . Dog trees so we start walking across a cut bean field. Go over a little rise and see a small creature running away, we think its a possium so take after it... light off still. We get to about 5 ft and it stops and spins around on us. I hit the light and its a skunk lining us up to get sprayed. I've never went from moving forward at a full run to backwards so fast in my life. Some how we didn't get sprayed.
 
Last morning of rifle elk and we were driving to our area for the day. As we get close a cow elk runs across the meadow in front of us. My buddy just comes to a stop and turns the pickup off without putting it in park. The dome light came on and the headlights were still on but they both gradually start dimming and then all of a sudden all the lights start flashing and the horn alarm is going off. He got it stopped with his key fob. We burst out laughing and figured we blew all the elk out but we sat there anyway.

As it was getting to legal shooting light another cow elk ran across the meadow in front of us from the other direction. I looked past my buddy and saw a herd of elk feeding about 400 yards away. We had five minutes before we could shoot so I was gonna grab my rifle out of the backseat but my buddy had his in the bed of the pickup. I said, "Sucks to be you" and opened my door. All the lights started flashing and the horn alarm starting honking again. As I hurried through the trees all I saw was white butts running into the treeline on the other side of the meadow.

We still don't know what caused the alarm issue, it was a 2016 Toyota Tundra. Telling the story is alot funnier when around some people.
 
A group of us were going to muzzle loader hunt an area about 45 minutes away from where I live early one morning.
We had two vehicles and about six of us and all our gear.
On the way there my Brother In-law had to stop at a convenience store to get something to eat. He settled on a “breakfast calzone”.
Back in the vehicle we finally reach our destination and split into groups to do some drives. It is the late season and we are muzzle loader hunting, and everyone is set for their duties.
My Brother In-law (BIL) is sitting this first round.
As he tells it, he is moving into position and there comes “a big rumbling in my stomach!” “I knew right there I was in trouble!”😂 With little time to spare he drops his trousers and is releasing all that pressure from the connivence store calzone, and he can hear something approaching. He looks to see a Doe come from where the drivers are pushing.
With his pants down around his ankles, he waddles over to grab his muzzle loader and fires at the Doe Killing her. Going back to finish his business, he once again hears commotion, and has to waddle over to his pack to get his quick loader and reload his firearm. Just as he finishes reloading another Doe appears and he gets her too!
Two Doe while suffering from the convince store squirts with his pants around his ankles. 😂
 
Long story, but its damn near world famous at this point so I figure I needs to be put in writing anyway.

I was about 7 when this one occurred. My dad, stepmom, “aunt”, “uncle” and I went up to northern Michigan for some salmon fishing and camping.

One night we’re all sitting around the bonfire telling fish stories and the like, and I keep hearing this noise off in the woods. Sometimes far off, sometimes a little closer. I piped in on the conversation a couple times and asked the adults what critter was making that noise but they kept blowing me off or whatever and not answering. Asking and asking, im getting frustrated and clearly my uncle can tell and finally goes, “TJ that’s just a Vulparian.”

First thing out of my 7 year old mouth is “what the hell is a Vulprian?!” obviously that caught everyone off guard lol. Uncle Al says “a North American Berzerking Vulparian. You know what they are, don’t you remember that one your dad and I shot and skinned in the garage a few years ago?” “Small little critter, silvery gray fur. Sort of fox shaped face but with a long monkey-ish tail. Tongues taste like ketchup, they’re a delicacy. Theyre carnivores but they don’t usually kill the animals, they hang out in bushes and grab a chunk of meat off the legs of deer or whatever walks by.”

I’m convinced I have never seen one of these, but im eating up the story as any inquisitive nature boy would do. I take it as gospel and add Berzerking Vulparians to a mental checklist of animals ive heard in the woods and drop it.

Couple hours go by and we run low on firewood. Dad, the dog and I go wandering off for firewood in the dark. Unbeknownst to us, trickster Uncle Al follows and sets himself up in the bushes. From his POV, the dog runs right on by him on the way back to camp, then my Dad with his armful of firewood, and then I bring up the rear with my little sticks and flashlight bobbing around. Just as I approach where he’s hiding, he jumps out snarling on all 4s and grabs me by the calf and gives it a shake. I instantly crumple and faint, no scream, no nothing, just straight to the dirt and I know I just died and got eaten by a Vulparian. He picks me up, tears rolling down the dirt on my face, assuring me it’s alright and it’s just Uncle Al, and I’m not getting eaten.

I know he felt so bad at the time lol, but it’s a staple of a story now. I swear he tells every group of customers on his halibut boat this story. Uncle Al says he knows exactly how all his friends will sound when they die. My dad will scream like a girl, his brother will yell at the top of his lungs, and I’ll die silently and unconscious lmao. I still blame him for my uneasiness in the dark woods :ROFLMAO:

P.S.- turns out, North American Berzerking Vulparians are actually screech owls. Who’da thunk?
 
Took my wife spring turkey hunting (her first time), now probably 20 years ago. We were both in full camo, face coverings and all, and were sitting together in natural looking ground blind I made from old cedar branches and grass. We sneak in well before first light and get settled, waiting for the birds to drop out of the roost, they're probably 80 yards from us.

We sit through the sunrise as the birds start coming down and the toms do their thing and gather their hens. They're moving away from us, so I call a couple times and get one bunch turned around and headed our way, the tom on a bee line for the decoys which included a jake in half strut.

While they're walking towards us, this little spike whitetail buck walks out of the trees and to about 10 feet from the blind. He knows something is here, but cant figure it out with all the camo, so does they typical stomp and huff routine. He eventually gets pissed off enough he heads towards the decoys about 30 yards away and absolutely demolishes the half strutting jake I have set up. He stomped that thing into the ground for at least five minutes, jumping, rearing up on his hind legs, mashing his 4 inch antlers into the dirt. I couldn't help but laugh at his antics. We were loud enough to hear, but he didn't care.

Needless to say, the tom and his little band of hens and jakes never came our way when they saw him going to town on that decoy. It was OK for me though, that decoy was probably 10 years old at the time and i could justify getting a newer better looking one.
 
We had a yearly deer camp for about 10 years with 5 or 6 guys that were the mainstays.

We'd hunt hard and have a few beers in the evening BS'ing around the fire. One year my buddy shows up with just the clothes he's in, his rifle, backpack, a little cooler of food, a 12 pack of beer and a half gallon of whiskey driving his beater car.

He'd get into the whiskey so the rest of us went to bed. He'd be up early and hung over every day. "nothin coffee and a dip won't fix" he'd say.
The first evening after hunting I noticed his shirt sleeve was tore up and missing up to the elbow. The second evening his other sleeve was the same, ah, no toilet paper in his pack!

After nine days of whiskey, coffee, dip, he was missing one shirt, sleeves on his other shirt, beanie and underwear(I took his word).
He looked like a homeless dirt bag at the end of the trip.
I bet his wife made him strip outside so she could hose him off before he was allowed in the house!
 
A guy i worked with wanted to go coyote hunting. It was January, single digit cold and about a foot of snow.
By lunch we were miles out in the desert. We stopped on a little ridge to eat and enjoy the view.

The ridge tapered off into a pond to our right, half the pond hidden behind the end of the ridge.
Right in the middle of the pond is a coot.
As we ate, the coot never moved, not once.
Done eating, the guy says "think I can hit that coot?"
I just shrugged "looks like about 400 yards"

He lays down, BOOM...
nothing...
looked like a direct hit but the coot didn't even flinch.

We're processing the situation when a guy steps around the end of the ridge and throws up his arms like "what the hell!"

Apparently it was a decoy...

After a few trips with him doing stuff like this I realized why his stories usually involved him having a confrontation.
 
In middle school, during spring break, me and my cousin would get dropped at a swamp/ag area. Spring break always lined up with turkey season and our parents had to work, so they would drop us at 6am and pick us up at 6pm.
We’d “turkey” hunt but really anything with feathers was in danger. This particular time my cousin was really excited, his dad had gotten a new fancy Remington 1100 with a special turkey barrel. He talked his dad into bringing it and that was a big deal. One, we didn’t know anyone with an autoloader, just 870 or mossberg pumps and two, his dad was super strict and never let him borrow anything.
Fast forward to working through the cypress swamp and my cousin falls after tripping on a cypress knee, pretty common occurrence. He plugged his barrel with mud though and we couldn’t figure out how to get it out. I keep walking and from behind he’s asking how to get it out, over my shoulder I say, “just shoot it out” jokingly. A few seconds later I hear the weirdest sound and turn around to see a scene out of looney tunes. It looked like bugs bunny had stuck his finger in Elmer fudds barrel and then shot, peeled back like a banana. I’ll never forget the look on his face. After I figured out he was ok I died laughing. I couldn’t move for 5+ minutes. Needless to say, his dad didn’t let him borrow anything else.
 
Bull coming into a call hard. Slams on the brakes at like 8 yards. Buddy draws for a frontal shot and rips a huge fart as he strains to draw bow. The fart spooks the bull. We fell down laughing.

Wouldn’t trade it for the world. The story is better than the rack on the wall.
 
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