Elderly Drivers - when to call it quits?

[cnelk]

To those that have elderly parents, when have you decided to ‘take the keys away’?

I realize that those parents ‘think’ they can drive, but you know know better.

What do or what did you do?

 

[Pony Soldier]

I would say it needs a risk analysis. Rural= later. Little town - when and how big of a town. City? Watch carefully. Could be sooner than later.

 

[Maverick1]

62 is the correct age to stop driving. Turn over your keys and vehicle in February, @cnelk

 

[cnelk]

62 is the correct age to stop driving. Turn over your keys and vehicle in February, @cnelk

 

[Dos XX]

My dad was easy. I told him the doctor said he couldn't drive anymore and he gave me his keys. I think he might have been relieved.

I had to use animal tranquilizer on a dart and a blow gun on my mom.

 

[Wolfshead]

This isn’t a one size fits all question, unfortunately.
You decide this when safety is an issue, either their’s or someone else’s.
That can be at anytime, and how you do it, is also varied.
I know that this doesn’t help, but my Dad had to stop at 82, and my Mom could still drive safely at 88.
In our case Mom just took over the driving responsibilities, and she basically just stopped driving herself.
Having elderly parents is tough sometimes. I watched my hero deteriorate in front of my eyes

 

[aks]

Depends on the individual. My dad is 70 and still gets around just fine. Hikes 5 - 10 miles a day, hits the gym 5 days a week and drives just fine.
Meanwhile I have a few friends my age who never should have got a license in the first place.

 

[robtattoo]

Yesterday.

According to the old coffin-dodger I got stuck behind for 16 miles, doing 28 on a 45 limit country road, this morning.

 

[mjh]

91 year old mother in law tired to drive the garbage down to the road—about 200 yards+-. Just could not wait for someone else to do it. OCD-diminished metal capacity-vision impaired. In the dark, snow covered road, drove the car into her restored prairie-got stuck. Good thing she didn’t drive into the wetland. She has other people use her car to drive her around town and to appointments so she need to know where the keys are. She’s lucky to be still living at home. The situation is killing my spouse but MIL is pretty oblivious to that. Conversations with spouse go nowhere. Overall poor situation.

 

[timmymac24]

My mom was 86 at the time I pulled the DL plug and sold her car. She would go to Wally World and come out from shopping unable to locate her car. Left her purse in a cart on one instance. Had sticky notes all over her counters in her kitchen. Our house was struck by lighting May 2024 and we had to live with her short term. That's when it hit the fan. She did a great job pretending she was fine. Once it was a day to day deal it was obvious the clutch was slipping badly. She is now in assisted living doing great but it was scary having her behind the wheel when she hit that point. Not a pleasant conversation to take the keys away and sell the car but it beats having them hurt/kill someone.

 

[Legend]

I pulled the coil wire loose so he had no spark. He called the mechanic and I had a new bill to pay.

Then he got in a fender bender and his car got towed. I paid the salvage yard to loose his car. He eventually forgot about it. Super hard topic good luck.

 

[rickyw]

When memory or reaction time start to slip, it’s time.

 

[ODB]

My dad is 85 and still driving quite often from Myrtle beach to Charleston, Roanoke, northern VA and all points between. He is still in damn good shape (no meds whatever) and just spent two weeks with us. Other than a few more missing words here and there we are still good with him driving - but we are constantly assessing.

 

[Ucsdryder]

To those that have elderly parents, when have you decided to ‘take the keys away’?

I realize that those parents ‘think’ they can drive, but you know know better.

What do or what did you do?

I think you have a couple more years Brad.

 

[Hydra6]

It is not the age it is the condition. You will know when - the question is having the courage to face your parents with the bad news (they will already know but may be avoiding the issue). My mom had vision issues so she quit riving in her 60s (and lived to 90+). Dad lived to 95 but spent last 2 years in Memory Care (dementia). Dad probably drove well into his 80s - we probably let that go a few years too long. Things are different now - so many options now to have prepared food and groceries delivered to home that did not exist 10 years ago.

 

[wytx]

Mom is 93 , lives by herself for most of the time and drives to church and her beauty shop.
She does fine and no problem letting her drive.
Walking around is her issue.

 

[ODB]

It is not the age it is the condition. You will know when - the question is having the courage to face your parents with the bad news (they will already know but may be avoiding the issue). My mom had vision issues so she quit riving in her 60s (and lived to 90+). Dad lived to 95 but spent last 2 years in Memory Care (dementia). Dad probably drove well into his 80s - we probably let that go a few years too long. Things are different now - so many options now to have prepared food and groceries delivered to home that did not exist 10 years ago.

That last sentence is very important. For older folks (like my dad) who will want to maintain their own place as long as possible, getting food delivered will take a great deal of pressure off the need to drive.

 

[Mk44]

Everyone is different. It depends on the individual.
My BIL took away his mother’s car keys when she was in her 70’s because she got into a couple of accidents.

On the other hand,
My neighbor is 86 y/o and still drives. He recently brought a new truck. He drives 300mi north to his hunting cabin and down to Fla. to his winter home.

Age affects everyone differently. How’s your parent’s sense of direction, coordination, reaction time, etc. Maybe go for a ride with him/ her and decide whether it’s time to pull the car keys.

 

[*zap*]

I see quite a few younger drivers who are dangerous zooming around town. In general most folks need to slow down and pay more attention. 69 here and I focus on things more than I used to but there are lots more reckless drivers today than a few years ago. Society is changing fast.

 

[TaperPin]

Rather than an abrupt stoppage, we try to reinforce tapering off gradually and make adjustments that help them out.

The father in law needs to not drive in bad weather or at night, so we go out of our way to talk about it and make adjustments to family get togethers so it’s safer for him. He used to like big long distance drives and we don’t let that enter the plan and have someone else do that kind of driving. They are 45 miles away so the kids are arranging to help buy a property closer in the next few years so we can help drive them around more easily.

Another family member got old timers and was walking the street one day not knowing what she was doing. That was a hard stop on driving and her son pulled all the relays. Not taking the car away immediately let it sink in gradually and was easier for her.

One older driver is currently doing ok ish, but we are having family members pick her up for grocery runs and family get togethers. If it’s easy for her to get around without driving hopefully that will make the day easier when it’s not an option for her, which won’t be long. Essentially we treat her like she can’t drive so there will be as small of an adjustment as possible. I get the impression many old drivers resist giving up the keys because of the fear of not getting around easily. She seems to enjoy the extra attention. lol