Best kid one liners

[SWOHTR]

“Wahhhhh!!!”
-my 3 yr old about anything.

 

[hikenhunt]

We have a lot of wild buttercup flowers growing on our property. Every time my 4 year old daughter picks one for my wife, she calls it a peanut buttercup and there is no way that I'm correcting her!

 

[Dos Perros]

I just spent a week fishing with my 8 y/o and he definitely delivered a few one liners. He's started to pick up and repeat things I say.

Upon a fly line getting all tangled to shit: "that'll happen on these big jobs"
Upon something else unfortunate happening: "oh that's no bueno"

And, just out of the blue: "Daddy, when I'm older I'll have no problem finding a wife because I talk a LOT."

 

[GSPHUNTER]

I have a large Russian boar cape mount above my fireplace. Some where between my grandson 1st and 2nd birthday he became afraid of it, when ever he came over we had to cover it. Well on his 2nd birthday we didn't cover it, we were sitting there having birthday cake, when he rolled his eyes up toward the pig and said, F&*king pig.

 

[RaggedHunter]

I took my two year old turkey hunting for the first time this spring. He sat in my lap and watched while I called in a tom form my grandpa who was setup about 75 yards in front of us, grandpa shot the turkey. Hands down one of my top hunting memories. My boy was so excited about it all too. Several months later he still asks me on a regular basis "dad, turkey hunting?"

Well fast forward to this past weekend. We are working on potty training, so we have been letting him run around the house without a diaper on most of the day.

My wife and I are sitting on the couch, and my son who is playing in the living room with his trucks, stands up, grabs ahold of his thingy, and points it out in front of him and says "I shoot the turkey" followed by a series of "blasting" sounds.

My wife had to bury her face in a pillow, I had to get up and go to the other room. We couldn't make eye contact for quite a while without busting a gut.

 

[RaggedHunter]

My niece was about 3, and for no reason we can figure out, she called binoculars nocular-eyes. We now use it as a verb, “I’m going to nocularize that hillside for deer before we move over the ridge.” And as a noun, “grab your noculareyes off the counter before we go.”

This is great! My son heard me calling binoculars "knockers". I have a set of "knockers" that stay in my truck. Anytime we drive somewhere he asks me "dad, can I see your knockers". It annoys the heck out of my wife, which makes it all the more hilarious for me.

 

[Fitzwho]

Got another one. Having a side conversation with my wife about the house she lived in when we met. My daughter being ever the observer, asked about the house I lived in when I met her mother. When I stated that I didn't live in a house, but before I could state that I lived in an apartment, my daughter hit me with:

"You were a stray?!"

Then my wife agreed with her.

 

[Eleven]

When my yougest daughter was about 5 she asked my sister what we were having for dinner one night. My sister, trying to be a smart arse, replied with a “moooooooo”. My daughter looked at her for a minute all confused and said “daddy shot a cow?”

 

[grossklw]

My 4 year old had one of his better ones. He wakes up in the AM and is yelling for me, I walk into the bathroom and see him at a full-morning wood. Points down with both hands at it, "Dad, what are we gonna do about this?"

I completely lost my shit laughing, walked him through the tried and true walk around method and he was back to full stream.

 

[KsRancher]

My 4 year old had one of his better ones. He wakes up in the AM and is yelling for me, I walk into the bathroom and see him at a full-morning wood. Points down with both hands at it, "Dad, what are we gonna do about this?"

I completely lost my shit laughing, walked him through the tried and true walk around method and he was back to full stream.

I literally laughed out loud at this. That brought back memories of my oldest son when he was around that age.

 

[roymunson]

My 4 year old had one of his better ones. He wakes up in the AM and is yelling for me, I walk into the bathroom and see him at a full-morning wood. Points down with both hands at it, "Dad, what are we gonna do about this?"

I completely lost my shit laughing, walked him through the tried and true walk around method and he was back to full stream.

my 3year old would tell us "my wiener hurts"

we'd make him run from the living room to the fridge in the kitchen 3-4 times and took care of it....

I forgot about those days

 

[Danomite]

During a recent road trip my 5 year old daughter was mad because she didn’t like the movies downloaded to her tablet. “Downloads are boring! You know what else is boring? Parents!”

 

[Muleys R Majestic]

I'm in my bathroom sitting atop the throne. My three year old walks in. I turn on the fan. She turns it off and says "The fan is loud. Why'd you turn it on?" I reply "I didn't think you'd want to smell my poop." She says "It's okay, Daddy, I'm not scared of your stinky poop."

 

[Lowg08]

On the road going on vacation. My 8 year old daughter announces. I know what SOL stands for. My brain. Oh no. She then announces “ Sorry Out of Luck” I thought shew. Thankfully we don’t curse except in rare occurrences.

 

[bpa556]

A lot of serious boundary issues in this thread.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[EastHumboldt]

Not mine, but a friend of mine told me when her five-year-old had the Morningwood situation, he said “ Mommy…., my penis feels fancy!”

 

[KsRancher]

Sitting and the supper table last we had a conversation about sticking with something. That being persistent pays off. I told the kids that you guys had better be glad that dad was persistent or you wouldn't be here( I asked my wife out on 3 dates in high school before she said yes). My 9yr old daughter instantly said "ha, jokes on you boys. I would still be here". (We adopted her at 11months old)

 

[butcherboy]

A few weeks ago I cooked some beef tongue and my daughters, 9 & 6, were dying to try some. They devoured it! My 6 yr old says “ Oh my gosh, this is so good! This has changed my life forever!”