Traditional vs Elope

[Jmort1754]

Those that have gotten married, if you could do it all over again would you do a traditional wedding or Elope?

 

[Cedarsavage]

Elope. We had a great wedding but it’s supposed to be about you and you’ll end up having everybody tell you what you should have for food, you need to invite your aunt you’ve only met once and bitching about when it is.

 

[Jmort1754]

Elope. We had a great wedding but it’s supposed to be about you and you’ll end up having everybody tell you what you should have for food, you need to invite your aunt you’ve only met once and bitching about when it is.

That was kind of our thoughts, she would be the first daughter in her family to get married so and we haven't even begun planning yet, that shit is already happening.

 

[TN2shot07]

My wife and I got married, then let everybody know. We knew a wedding would turn into a nightmare with family so we avoided it all together. Go on a nice trip, put a down payment on a house. My wife also got a nicer ring than she would have if we had funded a wedding, money well spent.

 

[DmrbigEshotT]

It’s possible to have a great wedding for less than 8-9k.

My wife and I had an awesome, unforgettable celebration with friends and family in 2019 for about 6k. Hall, Sam’s Club booze, great DJ, catered food for around 100 people.

If you’re brainwashed into the typical 30k wedding, then yes, I would elope. If you and your spouse don’t need to keep up with the Jones’, you can have a great wedding for the cost of a nice vacation.


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[Billy Goat]

The 2 of us, the dog, and a preacher on the top of a mountain.


I don't regret it at all, weddings turn into a show and that's not what it's supposed be about.

 

[knale87]

My wife and I talk about this all the time. If we had the chance to do it over, we would have had a backyard wedding or rented a hall. The amount we paid for our venue and everything else would have been a nice down payment on a house.

 

[Fire_9]

If I had to do it all over again I would elope. Had a great wedding but I wish we would have taken a trip and gotten married

 

[Desk Jockey]

Hard to say. We eloped mostly.

Her sister and my brother both had big production weddings. Wonderful events but high stress and high costs.

We ending up eloping during our engagement trip and then did a couple of smaller events for family and some friends. It was the right answer for us.

 

[Choupique]

I'm a fan of traditional, but not the exorbitant $30k plus commotion women want these days.

It gives me gas to think about what ours must have cost. It was fun and all, but it was one night. Probably could have paid for a car instead.

 

[nodakian]

You'll be no less married by eloping than with a regular wedding, but your money will be better spent, and the hassle/stress factor will be better.

My hypothesis is that wedding money and drama are directly correlated.

 

[dr.mooseknuckles]

Lol at $30k
If you get the chance to attend a wedding in Charleston, SC, I would definitely recommend attending. It'll cost much, much more than $30k.

Our wedding was in Charleston, but my SiL was in the wedding industry there as a planner and my wife helped her out with the big money weddings while in school. Got a lot of discounts on linens, food, booze etc as they were in the industry. No idea what our wedding cost, but suspect if was North of $50k in 2014.

Some of the weddings my SiL was doing around that time for folks from NYC and the like at Kiawah and various places in the Charleston area were $500k +.

The best advice I have for you OP, is to do what your fiance and her family say, stay out of it, and show up. If that means elope, go for it. If that means putting on a Tuxedo or a suit, then do it. The wedding ain't about you.

In terms of wedding attire, I always tell folks I'd rather look like James Bond (tux) vs an attorney/banker (suit).

****Forgot to add this:

The biggest factor in all of this is your religious beliefs. If you've got none, then carry on. However, we believe that marriage is a serious Covenant between the couple and God. That seems to be forgotten these days and I suspect as to why divorce rates are so high.

 

[flyfisher117]

Maried during covid times. We did a "destination" wedding in the mountains, halfway between both sets of family. The most expensive part was the venue but we got it for dirt cheap. My FIL catered the food himself. We bought costco beverages to give away. Had a cash bar for the alcohol. VIP family had a code to get it for free. Etc.

In the end we had a great wedding and didn't spend very much at all. We both agreed we should have just went to Vegas and gotten married though lol.

 

[MudBugVa]

Road tripped up to Maine and eloped. Best idea we ever had. Only regret is that we didn’t invite immediate family, but it was a lot simpler and gave us greater flexibility.

6 months later had a giant party with family and friends. Low pressure and was an absolute blast.

 

[ddd-shooter]

Cheap traditional wedding. For ours, we were literally on a mountain top with a few family and friends. Couldn’t have been more than 3k for everything, and I mean everything.
We just didn’t have money. If our families were wealthy, we would have taken that money and used it for better purposes. We’re simple people, and our marriage is the best of any of our friends or acquaintances. I know that sounds arrogant, but we invested in our marriage, not our wedding.
Congrats! A wife can be the biggest blessing of your life, or the worst curse. Put god first and keep communicating as you grow.

 

[sndmn11]

@KickinNDishin and I had our ceremony at a local church and then reserved half the patio at a local restaurant. Guests ordered off the regular menu and we paid the bill.

All in, I think we were around $1100, most going to the food bill, and there were no pre-party/rehearsals to fund. All the family and guests seemed really happy with it.

 

[butcherboy]

Our wedding didn’t cost very much. Didn’t have to pay anything to get married in a church. Reception was in the gym of the same church. My wifes aunt had all kinds of decorations so we used those with white Christmas lights hanging from wires across the gym. I did all the meat and we made the rolls to go with it. We don’t do alcohol so we served water and some kind of punch mix. Most expensive thing besides her ring was her dress. Adding those two things in I think we were right at about 3-3.5K. We did a ton of stuff ourselves and went to Branson,MO for a week after the wedding. You need to have a talk with your fiancé and find out what you both really want and find a compromise in there. Remember, most women have been planning this day since they were little girls. Make it special for her without getting crazy on the cost.

 

[ODB]

I used to work adjacent to the wedding industry in Seattle for many years. The couples I felt had the best time were undoubtedly the ones with the smallest weddings. And of those, the ones where all the friends and family were still there the next day (when I’d return) helping to clean up seemed very special.

Weddings do not have to cost much at all, and I hate to say it, but having done hundreds of weddings, it is invariably the brides that make that decision.

As far as eloping, one thing to consider is, yes, it’s you and your woman getting married, but you are blending families and families often like to celebrate that with you. My nephew eloped and said they would have a small party afterwards where everyone could come, etc. It never happened, and kinda of soured some feelings. Especially since several of their friends went to elope with them. Don’t do something stupid like that.

 

[ribigoh529]

I will always pick traditional over elope

 

[dsotm]

We had a small ceremony with about 6 other people, the wedding is about you two, not anyone else