Staying "Right" Mentally

[gauge]

With all the talk of hunting partners bailing this year, along with my own struggles in the backcoutry, how do veteran hunters stay positive, motivated, and sane?

I train all year long for elk season, but I have not found a way to prep. mentally when things get tough. Missing my kids, my wife, second guessing abilities and decisions, and so on are all things that start to eat at my emotions in the mountains. I question whether leaving my young family is selfish. Spending days alone this year made me, for a lack of a better word, kind of weird. I have a journal that in years past I thought helped, but a few circumstances this year really broke me mentally. I was into elk, but I struggled with the fact that my mind was not where I wanted it at times. This year made me really question how I should elk hunt. I didn't leave early, but my state of mind could have cost me shot opportunities a few times.

Does this get easier with years of experience hunting the mountains? Does anyone else experience this? Any tips?

 

[justinspicher]

I think it gets easier, but I always remind myself that if I am questioning why I am out there, than maybe I shouldn't have gone in the first place. Much like you I train all year, research areas, practice shooting and bugling, amongst other things. I don't see it as selfish at all, because everyone needs a break from daily life. I have a no maintenance wife and family, so it makes it even easier. Maybe get a sat phone or inreach so you can communicate with them daily and that might help as well.

 

[xziang]

I've 'mixxed' it up before like this year. Hunted hard for a while and then slept in and hiked back to truck and did some fishing in the stream and did an 'easy' evening hunt. Maybe go into town after evening hunt if possible and spluge and get a hotel then sleep in following day and then go back at it. At which time when your at the hotel you can review maps online again and also catch up on rokslide lol and call people at home to let them know you're ok.

IF IF your into elk that will motivate you ane keep you going obviously. When they aren't talking and your not seeing anything that is when things get hard. (at least for me)

 

[SDHNTR]

I've struggled with the family issues effecting my mental game too. And at times in the past I'd check in at home and catch nothing but flak. My little kids (5 and 3 now) are high energy, demanding, little monsters. they wear mama out! I'd feel guilty, feel like I had pissed off my wife, I'd get angry back at her and it was a viscious cycle. I'd come home angry and bitter and/or not be able to hunt with 100% commitment. There are growing pains that come with being a hard core hunting father with a young family!

Now, I explain to my wife ahead of time that I need these hunting trip breaks for my mental health. It's what I do, who I am, and it's not optional. She understands and gives me her blessing. Being gone for hunts helps me come home and be a better father and husband, but it needs to be a positive experience. I let her know before I even leave that when I call home to check in (sat phone) she needs to be cheerful or it totally defeats the purpose of my mental health break. It simply kills my time when she is not positive and upbeat. It makes me feel like shit and I get resentful of her. Even if the kids are wearing her out, I don't want to hear about it until I get back. I know it sucks, but I dont want to hear it on the mountain. I need my focus. I could be dealing with steep and unstable terrain, knives, fire, guns, broadheads, cliffs, etc. all sorts of dangerous things. I need my head in the game. And overall, she's a good woman and she wants me to enjoy myself. She doesn't want to ruin my time. Once I explained to her that those mid hunt calls when she was negative would ruin my time, she felt bad too. So now she sucks it up, and puts on a cheerful voice when I call in. It may even be a lie, but it makes me feel better to know that she has eveything handled. I may have some damage control once I get back home, but at least I'm not dealing with it from thouseands of miles away and stewing.

Also, I try to make it easier on her when I am gone. I will call a handful of babysitters myself and line up at least 2-3 sessions a week to give her breaks. That gives her time to go out with her girlfriends, go shopping or whatever. It costs a bit more but it is money well spent. She also really appreciates that I am making an attempt to make life easier on her while I am gone instead of being selfish and just bailing one her, expecting her to pick up my slack. Give and take.

We also have an open household policy that since I do several of these trips a year, she can too. If she wants to go on a ski trip or wine tasting or whatever with her girlfriends or sisters or something (within reason financially), or go visit someone, I will write the check. There needs to be reciprocity. And I treat her with the same courtesy and respect when she's gone that I expect.

So like many other things in a relationship, it all starts with open communication. Explain to her what you need and expect long before you leave. Ask her the same and follow through.

Good luck!

 

[gauge]

I really do have a very supportive wife/ family and there is really no issues with me hunting. I guess as I am solo more and more I find it hard to know what to do with all my thoughts. When you only have yourself, it becomes hard to stay out of your own head, if that makes sense. I think I will do better as time goes on, but I was surprised that I could not always stay positive doing the exact thing I love the most. I try to explain to people how emotionally and mentally draining elk hunting can be, but unless you have been mountain hunting I don't think it can be understood.

 

[Ross]

It is normal even for the seasoned veteran to occasionally need a break, as there are so many highs and lows in this activity...we train, eat sleep and dream for the time to come and sometimes it is not all roses. Take short breaks for 1/2 day to a day and remember and focus why you are there and you cant go back in time. Go get a real meal, hot shower and get energized to get back out and have fun beyond all else.

 

[5MilesBack]

Does anyone else experience this?

I don't. My mental game is the best thing I've got going for me. At 50 sometimes I have physical ailments that drag on me, and sometimes I have to kick my own butt to overcome them. But I can always rely on my attitude and mental game to take care of that for me. Keep pressing on.........at all costs, is my moto. My family knows I get one month a year to elk hunt.......so they just expect me to be gone the month of September.........and I am. Hunted by myself for 16 of the 20 days I hunted this year. Good times.

I actually used to find it easier to be away when I was younger than now. These days with teenagers I want to see their events and the things they are involved with. But with a month to hunt, I can always slip in and out if I want.

 

[CrzyTrekker]

My family knows I get one month a year to elk hunt.......so they just expect me to be gone the month of September.........and I am. Hunted by myself for 16 of the 20 days I hunted this year. Good times.

+1 good stuff.

Set clear expectations, be fair and giving to your family, and get it done with full support from your significant others.

 

[wyosteve]

If I get in one of those 'moods', I focus on something that is 'pleasurable', i.e. watching a bird fighting with a pine cone to get the seed. There is always something to see that should make one appreciate the ability and opportunity to just be out in the woods without focusing so much on getting the animal.

 

[jim thorpe]

This is a great thread. Being a first time mountain hunter this year I can relate to much of what I am reading. I think that's what makes this type of hunting so unique and not for everyone. 7 days on a mountain chasing elk compares to no other trip, hunting or otherwise, that I have experienced in 35 years of hunting. I experienced every emotion imaginable and to their utmost limits. It's a real gut check.

With all that said, I can't wait to take what I have learned and do it again.

 

[Jason Snyder]

I really do have a very supportive wife/ family and there is really no issues with me hunting. I guess as I am solo more and more I find it hard to know what to do with all my thoughts. When you only have yourself, it becomes hard to stay out of your own head, if that makes sense. I think I will do better as time goes on, but I was surprised that I could not always stay positive doing the exact thing I love the most. I try to explain to people how emotionally and mentally draining elk hunting can be, but unless you have been mountain hunting I don't think it can be understood.

I love it. I actually find that sometimes it's easier to stay focused and positive when I'm by myself.

It's a conditioned behavior. My hunt is a sabbatical of sorts and I cherish every day I'm out.

 

[5MilesBack]

I think a lot of it could have to do with where or how you were raised. I grew up on a farm with a river bottom. I was gone for many hours at a time even as a tike out exploring my own wilderness. That's who I am, and am very comfortable with that. I love hunting my regular jaunts, but also really like exploring new areas. I get bored easily so moving on to other spots passes time for me. Most the season I'm exploring during the hot mid day times.

 

[CrzyTrekker]

I think a lot of it could have to do with where or how you were raised. I grew up on a farm with a river bottom. I was gone for many hours at a time even as a tike out exploring my own wilderness. That's who I am, and am very comfortable with that. I love hunting my regular jaunts, but also really like exploring new areas. I get bored easily so moving on to other spots passes time for me. Most the season I'm exploring during the hot mid day times.

I was just thinking the same thing. I grew up on the edge of a national forest in Utah. We also had like three TV channels, so I spent a lot of time outside, with friends or alone.

I believe a lot of the discomfort people have with their own thoughts derives from the fact they are so constantly surrounded by stimuli (radio, cable or satellite television, the Internet, smart phones, etc.). Then again, I think anyone can get to the point where they just need another person to talk to. This year, I got on the sat phone around day 5 and spent 25 minutes talking to my wife. Made all the difference.

 

[blicero]

I believe a lot of the discomfort people have with their own thoughts derives from the fact they are so constantly surrounded by stimuli (radio, cable or satellite television, the Internet, smart phones, etc.).

You nailed it. So much of day-to-day life nowadays is being bombarded with stimuli that when you're out in the wilderness, especially on your own, your brain gets deprived of things to chew on. And if you're not careful and deliberate with your thoughts and attitude, it starts chewing on itself.

 

[gauge]

Although I agree what what is being discussed here, I myself was raised outdoors. I have been hunting, hiking, and horseback all my life.

After reading through these comments I think my problem is I put way too much pressure on myself to come out of the mountains tagged out. So many close calls and what ifs in the mountains make me start questioning myself. When with a hunting partner, you can discuss these things. Although it is not the right way to think, I often find myself feeling that I deserve to be successful because of all the hard work I put into it. Being full draw with no shot, swirling winds, making a bad shot, all of these things are failures that can get in your head. As the saying goes, "you can't cheat the mountain pilgrim". The mountains don't care how bad you want it or how much you hated leaving your kids. I guess all these things are what makes elk hunting that much more rewarding.

 

[dangerousD]

I think a lot of it could have to do with where or how you were raised. I grew up on a farm with a river bottom. I was gone for many hours at a time even as a tike out exploring my own wilderness. That's who I am, and am very comfortable with that. I love hunting my regular jaunts, but also really like exploring new areas. I get bored easily so moving on to other spots passes time for me. Most the season I'm exploring during the hot mid day times.

This was/is me as well. Pretty much outside from morning to dark exploring, hunting, fishing as a kid. Maybe it's just innately in some of us - the desire to adventure and keep pushing and pursue what's over that next ridge. And maybe some people can learn it. I don't know. I suspect that military experience can teach it even though I have no military experience.

Like has been said, it's harder to find a compatible hunting partner than it is a wife. Not everyone shares the same level of physical and mental toughness and the same moral values. My partner and I had struggles this year. We've been great friends and bowhunters for 24 years or so, but only elk hunted together the last two years. We had planned a longer than usual hunt this year of two full weeks. Like many guys we trained all year. Countless hours of sweat, misery, some blood, shooting 1000's of arrows, etc... On day 5 or 6 of the hunt he started losing focus, had mentally checked out, and ready to go home to his family. I couldn't believe it because I had never seen that side of him in all our years together. I reminded him of all the training and everything we had done the whole entire year was for this very moment and these days. Man it was a struggle for him to keep it together. It shocked him as much as me.

He just told me that he sees that I have drive and determination that he apparently doesn't and he doesn't understand why he doesn't have it. At home it's easy to think you will push through and be mentally strong and successful, but the mountain just has a way to take that out of some guys more than others.

I ended up bargaining with him to hang in there a few more days before we cut it short. We hunt as a team so I put him out front as the shooter most days and on day 9, the last day before we leave, he shot a cow. Seeing how happy he was at sticking it out and then being successful made me happy. Sure I was disappointed to be leaving a few days early with rut coming on and being on elk, but overall it was a good hunt and experience with a great friend. We will continue to be great friends. Will we hunt elk together again? That is yet to be decided. Maybe a shorter hunt. Last year I hunted two states and all September. This year I only planned the one so cutting it short hurt.

For me, I don't know what it is inside of me that keeps me going. If those of us with that drive could bottle it up and sell it, we'd be rich. This year was only my third year of back country elk hunting and I'm a flatlander if that matters. My first year I was solo for most of it. I've experienced all the highs and lows and broke down at times on the mountain in frustration, but somehow find the drive to continue on until the end. You can always recover physically and mentally from a tough hunt, but you can never recover from quitting. I know my family is OK at home and supportive and knowing that they wouldn't want me to quit early helps keep me going as well.

My first year I left one day early and I regret it to this day. It had been raining more or less non-stop the last 3-4 days and nights. My sub-par gear was soaked, my cheap one-man tent leaking, couldn't start a fire to save my life, and another storm rolling in. I was four miles from the trail head and knew if I killed something back here on the last day (Friday) I may not be able to pack it all out and drive 14 hours back home in time to get back to work on Monday so I left/quit a day early. Ever since then, I wonder if that last day could have been the day I killed. After all I was drawn back on elk five or six different times during that hunt and passed a marginal quartering towards me shot. At the end of each day I just knew tomorrow I could get it done and now I think about that lost Friday and whether that was the day. That drives me to not quit early again...

But it's about the journey and experience and not the kill, right? blah blah blah.

 

[5MilesBack]

I suspect that military experience can teach it even though I have no military experience. I had someone ask me one time: "Are you the way you are because of being in the military?" And I replied "No, I was in the military because of who I am".

On day 5 or 6 of the hunt he started losing focus, had mentally checked out, and ready to go home to his family.

When my buddy showed up this year, I had already hunted 15 days by myself. After 3 days together, that next morning he said he wasn't getting out of bed. That's fine. I left and hunted anyway and counted 12 different bugling bulls that day. Sometimes people just need a break.....whenever that may be. I love fly fishing as well, so I tend to hit the river at least once or twice during the season after a morning hunt. And this year the fishing was outstanding! Overall this was a really great September, one of the best I've ever experienced and I'm 50. Great hunting, great fishing, great weather, unbelievable scenery.........just awesome!!

 

[jwb300]

Although I agree what what is being discussed here, I myself was raised outdoors. I have been hunting, hiking, and horseback all my life.

After reading through these comments I think my problem is I put way too much pressure on myself to come out of the mountains tagged out. So many close calls and what ifs in the mountains make me start questioning myself. When with a hunting partner, you can discuss these things. Although it is not the right way to think, I often find myself feeling that I deserve to be successful because of all the hard work I put into it. Being full draw with no shot, swirling winds, making a bad shot, all of these things are failures that can get in your head. As the saying goes, "you can't cheat the mountain pilgrim". The mountains don't care how bad you want it or how much you hated leaving your kids. I guess all these things are what makes elk hunting that much more rewarding.

You raise some interesting thoughts and I think you are right about excess pressure. You are in an interesting predicament with such limited seasons but it sounds like you might be over thinking it a bit. The only person who can control how you react to pressure is you.

I find that the most successful hunts are the ones that I just let unfold. Sure you need to have a bit of a strategy but I am far more successful when I am relaxed and not pushing to deck something. I firmly believe animals can sense when you are hunting them and when you are not. How many times have you just bumped into deer walking through the bush not expecting it. If you were hunting the damn things would have taken off long ago.

I think that if you don't have an absolute drive, commitment and desire to be there then maybe you shouldn't be there. You have to wan't to push into the next valley and over the next hill to see what might be there.

 

[Jason Snyder]

After reading through these comments I think my problem is I put way too much pressure on myself to come out of the mountains tagged out. So many close calls and what ifs in the mountains make me start questioning myself. When with a hunting partner, you can discuss these things. Although it is not the right way to think, I often find myself feeling that I deserve to be successful because of all the hard work I put into it. Being full draw with no shot, swirling winds, making a bad shot, all of these things are failures that can get in your head. As the saying goes, "you can't cheat the mountain pilgrim". The mountains don't care how bad you want it or how much you hated leaving your kids. I guess all these things are what makes elk hunting that much more rewarding.

Expectations typically lead to disappointment.

I think most of us feel internal pressures to "succeed" on our hunt. I know I do. Being aware of them and making the conscious decision to not succumb to the pressure is the key here.

Remember why you are out there. I like to kill elk, but it's not the sole reason I'm out there.

 

[JPD350]

Although I agree what what is being discussed here, I myself was raised outdoors. I have been hunting, hiking, and horseback all my life.

After reading through these comments I think my problem is I put way too much pressure on myself to come out of the mountains tagged out. So many close calls and what ifs in the mountains make me start questioning myself. When with a hunting partner, you can discuss these things. Although it is not the right way to think, I often find myself feeling that I deserve to be successful because of all the hard work I put into it. Being full draw with no shot, swirling winds, making a bad shot, all of these things are failures that can get in your head. As the saying goes, "you can't cheat the mountain pilgrim". The mountains don't care how bad you want it or how much you hated leaving your kids. I guess all these things are what makes elk hunting that much more rewarding.

I use to put the same pressure on myself and in a way I still do, but after so many years I've learned that for me the trick to focusing the pressure into a positive is to have a solid realization that "it is what it is" as long as I do my best the pressure in my mind never gets past a determination to kill an animal.

I also never consider close calls, at full draw or swirling winds a failure, these are things that have so many variables to them that I just take it for what it is, I just put the experience in the back of my mind and move on to the next encounter. I do agree a bad shot is a tough one to deal with and is a failure, IMO it is a breakdown in the mental game and one has to own it, it eventually happens to most hunters..

I spent 14 days straight this year getting up at 4:30 and going to bed by 10 or 11, out all day every day, I truck camped and bivyed in and only had 3 encounters the whole time, 2 of which were blown by other hunters before I could get in the kill zone, the last close call was very very close but didn't happen for whatever reason, I gathered my thoughts and took off looking for the next opportunity. For 5 of those days I was collaborating with some other hunters since we were in the same area, 2 of them were on their first elk hunt, each day they came back with all kinds of encounter stories while I wasn't seeing or hearing anything, even though, I was the first one out of camp with the the drive to make something happen and loving every second.