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ARIZONA CAUTION:

In regards to all the people wanting to move here from New York and California as well as many other heavily populated cities across the country, as well as those wanting to visit...

Before you come to ARIZONA to visit you must be aware of what is happening here. Especially, around the border, rural and all of SouthernArizona! There's a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers...

So if you plan on moving here, or just plan on vacationing on our desert, river bottoms, hill country or lakes this summer, I think you should know that wolf spiders, fire ants and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to dryer than usual weather. The woods will eat you alive with ticks and chiggers.

Our lakes are full of gators, fresh water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos.

Our rivers are full of drunks in tubes peeing themselves while the banjo players lay waiting in the bushes.

Arizona panthers have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children.

The local bear and coyote population are all 'in heat' and think your wife/girlfriend is hot.

Snakes... don’t even get me started on the water headed copper moccasins here, and the Diamond Back Rattler Cobras.

The poison ivy has overtaken all other vegetation.

We have had bear sightings at every park and town they are after your picnic baskets….and some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms and bars.

Watch out for the jackalopes, they have been extremely aggressive this season.

We have the Skunk Ape invading our parks and it’s their mating season. Porcupines are "stabbing" small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment.

Skunks have made their way over and multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer.

Murder hornets!?! We’ve got great black clouds of murder hornets, and swarms of giant crickets and even some Texas grasshoppers.

Scorpions have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, automobiles, and tarantulas are now stealing peoples food and biting like crazy.

I’m pretty sure all private tiger owners (we had a jump in them after Tiger King) have released their cats into the streets of our cities and towns.

Head lice now fly and we have vampire bats.

Oh, and no one is vaccinated.

I hear New Mexico and Colorado are really nice though.”
👍🏼


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Joined
Dec 23, 2021
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Edward Abbey wrote a similar essay about the desert once. I never figured you’d have anything in common with him.
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Joined
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NM is just as bad - UT is where it's at.
Hey now. You’re sendin’ em a little far north. Unless they bypass the boring square states altogether and head on up to MT or ID. Better yet, Canada is great this time of year. We can probably all agree on that. Just throw some money at us poor idiots in our unimaginative square states on your way by. “Bless you sir.”.
 
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Joined
Apr 28, 2021
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Yeah, yeah we experienced some of those little inconveniences listed above. Head lice is easily treatable and the itch goes away sooner or later. We saw a few sexy "blue hairs". To get out of Minnesota (we still have ice on our lake) was like heaven on earth. Just got back from oro valley outside Tucson . Did some hiking around and had a great time.
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Hey now. You’re sendin’ em a little far north. Unless they bypass the boring square states altogether and head on up to MT or ID. Better yet, Canada is great this time of year. We can probably all agree on that. Just throw some money at us poor idiots in our unimaginative square states on your way by. “Bless you sir.”.

Just trying to help UT's transition to the direction it's headed...
 
Joined
Dec 23, 2021
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In Wyoming we all think… no, we all know we are better than you. Why would you want to visit a state full of snobs? Save yourself some time and just send money.
 
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