Planting Roots

[Double E]

My wife and I are currently living in the Midwest and debating on moving to Idaho or moving within the Midwest and being closer (within a couple hours) to family. I am 30 and my wife is 29. I previously lived in Idaho for 16 months while I was managing a project.

I’m a structural engineer and am able to continue working my current job remotely while also attempting to open up another office in a new location (plan to do this out west or in a different city in the Midwest). Both places appear to have good potential for a structural engineering business, though staying within a couple hours of our home office would obviously have some advantages. My wife is a physical therapist and can find work anywhere.

We plan to have kids in the next year or two.

We both love (and I live for) the outdoor opportunities the west offers, but we fear how life will change raising kids without family nearby. We are also aware of the different cost of living in both places.

At the current moment, I think we both would prefer to live the active western lifestyle, but I do fear for the possibility of wanting to move back to the Midwest when kids come and how that could push back the timeline on my career. Obviously we have to make the decision for ourselves, but I am looking for some additional perspective on how kids, proximity to family, career, and love for the outdoors all tie together in our situation from those with more life experience.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Mighty Mouse]

Shortly after we started having kids, I switched industries and voluntarily took a 60% pay cut so I could move my family back to my hometown in Missouri and be near my and my wife's parents/grandparents/extended family. I have zero regrets. The benefits to myself, my wife, my kids, and my extended family of our current situation far outweigh anything I left behind when I made the move. The lure of the west isn't lost on me, but ultimately it's the people that make a place the place to be.

 

[Poser]

Western towns are full of people just like yourself who made this decision. And some of them don't last for any one or combination of the factors you listed. On the flipside, everywhere else has a lot of people who would love to "live in the mountains", dream about living in the mountains, 'would' live in the mountains if it weren't so far away from family or if they could get their wife on board, dream to retire in the mountains or, would even love nothing more than to move to the mountains BUT just don't have the motivation, actual desire or gumption to make it happen.

IMO, if you know that's what you want, then that's what you want. Obviously, being married and on a career trajectory, you need to have the ability to lock a job down, either in advanced or have great confidence that you can make that happen on the ground after getting there. That's the biggest hurdle for most people, but you suggest that bopth careers are portable so your biggest hurdle is out of the way.

When it comes to family, I suppose its ultimately matter of what kind of lives you envision your future family with kids looks like. Do you want them to experience growing up in the mountain West or is it more important to prioirtize them having regular exposure to extended family while growing up? Your surroundings absoltuely effect your mindset, everything is a tradeoff, family can always visit/be visitied.

For stable, intelligent and capable people, its not going to be a disaster. Worst case, you end up going back home in a couple of years. You suggest that outcome could be regressive for your career, but I'd wager there is an equal chance that it could advance your career. People move around the country for work all of the time. Are you suggesting that you need to find work at one firm and work there for the next 30 years in order to gain traction? Or, is it that you would start your own business and be potentially tied to the location after investing in the networking aspect? In that case, its nothing more than a short term setback and also may very well end up being a long term gain.

I'd strip away the periphial anxiety and focus on what kind of future lifestyle you envision for your nuclear family. Since you have the employment aspect handled, that's the meat of the question and you probably know exactly what the answer to that question looks like without giving it much thought.

 

[Andrew12gauge]

I don’t know where in the Midwest you are but I think I’d be looking hard at South Dakota, especially around Rapid City. Idaho is just too crowded these days.


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[kota]

If you go, any chance family will follow? Grandkids are a powerful pull!

 

[Double E]

Western towns are full of people just like yourself who made this decision. And some of them don't last for any one or combination of the factors you listed. On the flipside, everywhere else has a lot of people who would love to "live in the mountains", dream about living in the mountains, 'would' live in the mountains if it weren't so far away from family or if they could get their wife on board, dream to retire in the mountains or, would even love nothing more than to move to the mountains BUT just don't have the motivation, actual desire or gumption to make it happen.

IMO, if you know that's what you want, then that's what you want. Obviously, being married and on a career trajectory, you need to have the ability to lock a job down, either in advanced or have great confidence that you can make that happen on the ground after getting there. That's the biggest hurdle for most people, but you suggest that bopth careers are portable so your biggest hurdle is out of the way.

When it comes to family, I suppose its ultimately matter of what kind of lives you envision your future family with kids looks like. Do you want them to experience growing up in the mountain West or is it more important to prioirtize them having regular exposure to extended family while growing up? Your surroundings absoltuely effect your mindset, everything is a tradeoff, family can always visit/be visitied.

For stable, intelligent and capable people, its not going to be a disaster. Worst case, you end up going back home in a couple of years. You suggest that outcome could be regressive for your career, but I'd wager there is an equal chance that it could advance your career. People move around the country for work all of the time. Are you suggesting that you need to find work at one firm and work there for the next 30 years in order to gain traction? Or, is it that you would start your own business and be potentially tied to the location after investing in the networking aspect? In that case, its nothing more than a short term setback and also may very well end up being a long term gain.

I'd strip away the periphial anxiety and focus on what kind of future lifestyle you envision for your nuclear family. Since you have the employment aspect handled, that's the meat of the question and you probably know exactly what the answer to that question looks like without giving it much thought.

Work wise, I’d be able to continue working my job remotely while also attempting to drum up new work in a new location. Ideally I end up transitioning from remote work from the home office to local projects. Obviously staying in one spot would have its advantages in building a relationships and a book of business, but you do make a good point that going for a couple of years and moving back might set things back for me, but it’s likely not the difference between running a successful satellite office or not.

Appreciate the thorough and thoughtful response.

 

[Double E]

If you go, any chance family will follow? Grandkids are a powerful pull!

I think it’s possible on my wife’s side, but probably not my side of the family. It does feel like having one parent nearby would make a big difference over none.

 

[Double E]

Shortly after we started having kids, I switched industries and voluntarily took a 60% pay cut so I could move my family back to my hometown in Missouri and be near my and my wife's parents/grandparents/extended family. I have zero regrets. The benefits to myself, my wife, my kids, and my extended family of our current situation far outweigh anything I left behind when I made the move. The lure of the west isn't lost on me, but ultimately it's the people that make a place the place to be.

Good perspective and relatable. I daydream about western pursuits often, but it’s hard to deny the value of good friends and family nearby also.

 

[Weldor]

Lived in the west since 1980, what I have noticed is my generation (if you want to call it that) are moving to be by their kids. Seems like NC, TN. etc. are where most of their kids live. What I am saying is you never know, maybe your relatives will move to closer to their grand kids. Besides that is a few years down the road, lots of adventures possible in that time.