Sorry for everyone's losses. Great thread OP. I had an accident a few years ago and realized I was the cliche of the cobbler's kids having no shoes. I buckled down and updated my stuff, and adopted a schedule to update periodically. Also discussing with the family is great advice. I've gotten as direct as "when I die, here are the lists and places you need to go, people to call, location of accounts, documents and passwords" etc.
More thoughts in response to some of the points made.
I had posted this somewhere else but ill quote it here
Great thread.
The biggest issue at the moment is dealing with Verizon to get her phone canceled. My blood pressure will go up trying to elaborate further. but make sure the verification/account pin is available somewhere. Verizon is a garbage company with nothing in place to deal with these matters short of driving to a corporate store.
This is a great reason to use a password manager, and to provide a mechanism (sometimes that's a feature in the PWM) for others to be able to access it. Dealing with VZW online is a lot easier (if you can login) than dealing with them by phone. Similarly, get your parents to create online accounts with government agencies (SSA, VA, etc.), it's a lot easier to deal with address changes, etc.
Fortunately, my folks did do quite a bit for death planning, but my dad certainly could have helped by unloading stuff he’d never use in his 70’s. Just so it’s clear, the man who dies with the most toys, doesn’t win in my book. He just leaves a lot of work for his family after he passes.
^^^This. I had to clear out a boat load of stuff that my parents kept and since they are still living, the level of guilt for throwing stuff out was high. I hope to not do the same to my kids, but so far (in large part due to RS), I'm failing.
Also know the location of your loved ones will.
First have one, and make sure folks know where it is as you stated. My cousin just died and the cousins scoured the house - no Will to be found. And she died with cancer, so it wasn't a surprise.
My wife and I are early 40s. My wife handles the day to day finances but I do the investments, long term stuff. Every quarter, we go over everything we have, make sure passwords are in a secure yet known location for the other to find if something bad happens.
Excellent advice.
We update our will every couple of years to reflect any life changes. We have younger kids (9 and 13). We have it spelled it out in detail who would care for the kids if something happened to both of us, where and how their finances are accessed (college funds etc.)
More great advice - most people do not update their documents on a timely basis.
100% agree...get everything in order and the people that will benefit/receive stuff should all be informed TOGETHER about it. So if all your stuff is going to your wife and kids. Once finalized everyone is in a room together. If there are brothers, sisters, cousins, friends getting anything significant...have others with you when you explain it. Spell everything out to a T if possible. None of this "well he told me..."
Meh - not sure about this. I haven't seen it done, and most people are very hesitant to even tell their kids what they will get, much less more extended family. My experience of not seeing it doesn't mean that it's a wrong approach, but what if you change your mind in part? If you say your brother is getting the RSS in one meeting, but then later want to give it to your son. Do you have another meeting?
Interesting this topic came up. We actually have an appointment in a couple weeks with the Estate lawyer to go over everything again and update things since Dad passed. We've kinda let things be as staus quo, but my mom's financial portfolio has changed, assests added and/or sold, so some clean up is needed.
I should have said earlier, but you need to hire a lawyer for the Will and/or trust. As for whether a trust makes sense (in addition to a Will), that can depend. A living or revocable trust can avoid probate, but only if and to the extent funded during life. And funding during life involves some time and effort.
My folks have gotten to the point they dont recognize the wolves from the sheep.
I hear you. I'm fortunate that my parents never set up much in the way of online access, and we shut down some of their other stuff to mitigate these problems.
One thing I discovered is trusts have to be updated and offically checked on every 18 months(at least ours did) If they aren't updated it pretty much voids the trust and it will have to be done all over again.
I would like to know where you heard this, as it isn't correct. You should update your documents periodically, but they don't become invalid if you don't.
So very good advice here. Especially remember what
@dpat said, a POA expires at death. Three things I’d add.
1. A list of what your guns are worth, not what you told her you paid… Also a list of which gun goes to whom if not selling them.
That's a good idea. I haven't done this yet, and shudder at the results...
3. A clause in the will that any heir that contests gets $1.00. Makes it near impossible to challenge unless major changes were made while impaired. If there are any difficult heirs or more likely spouses, meet with the lawyer now and go over the will and the problem person.
I think the ability to include this (an
in terrorem clause) varies by state, and it may have less impact on a surviving spouse.
Gift tax on anything over 18k a year to each individual.
Only after lifetime gifts exceed $13.61 million, under current law.
