Funniest story while hunting?

We were hare hunting in Northern WI and I was with my younger brother. He had to drop a deuce so I turned around. I here this Holy (*$#ing &^#$ and turn around and a hare had run right passed him not a foot away. I had to put my gun down as I was laughing so hard, almost crying.
 
There's a statute of limitations on this one.....

I was rifle hunting late season Elk in Colorado about 1979 with a couple of resident guys I met through my sister. We became fast friends. We had spotted a group of elk that were watering at first light 3 miles from camp....so it was a hump through deep snow from camp to get to them right at first light.


My buddy Eugene was having a hard time keeping up....and I got to the bowl and shot a nice 5x5 bull right at the water. There were about 25 elk with another bull still in the bunch. The elk were filing out as Gene was trotting up the hill. He got to the lip of the bowl and yelled to me, "Where are they?" they were circling the bowl now about 450y from him on a full run and about 10 seconds from popping out of there gone forever.

He shot and dang it if that bull didn't drop in mid stride....to this day one of the best rifle shots I've personally seen. He starts yelling again....where is he where is he with blood streaming down his face from being scoped. I was about 100y from him not hearing a word I said blood in his shooting eye and frantically trying to line up again for another shot.

He had no idea he pinwheeled that dink bull on a dead run at 450y plus....
 
One time I got out of work early to meet some family and friends for a 2nd rifle season hunt here in Colorado. I coordinated with my brother in law to catch a ride to camp with one of his co-workers who I had never met. Nice guy, a little out there. We had some strange religios and alien themed conversations in the car. Fast forward ten years and my brother in law sends me an article with the guy's mugshot. He had stabbed a guy to death in an alley in downtown Denver. Now we joke that he set me up a carpool to our hunting camp with a convicted murderer.
 
Several years back my brother and I we were hunting a late season bull tag in an old burn area. We were glassing from the top of one of the ridges that had been completely scorched years ago but there was hardly a stick in sight. We found a group of bulls across the canyon headed up to bed. Looking at their trajectory we knew that we had to move fast to cut them off before they went into the nasty thick stuff and disappear like elk tend to do. We grabbed our bags and took off with haste. There was all but one old skinny lodgepole tree trunk on that hillside. My brother walking quickly, unknowingly stepped on that sucker so perfect that it came up and speared me on a dead bullseye to both family jewels. I mean not one more stick within in a quarter mile and here I lay riving in pain as he giggles like a school girl. I finally got my balls out of my throat and we trekked 3 miles across the canyon to never see those bulls again.
 
Age 12, my first year of gun deer season in WI, I got cold so started walking a path toward my brother. In the path was a muskrat, although I'd never seen one before so I had no idea what the critter was and I used caution. I stomped my foot and threw a stick near it, but the dang thing jumped toward me. I back peddled the way I came and the thing followed me. I kept going back and he was still on my trail. I ended up going clear in the opposite direction about 300 yards to my dad and I approached his tree stand with fear in my eyes nearly out of breath. After explaining to him what transpired, he said, "Son, you have a 12 gauge shotgun in your hands and you're afraid of a little animal?!" Feeling embarrassed I trekked back to my spot. Sure enough that muskrat showed up under my dad's tree not long after, thing was on my trail and out for blood.
 
Bear hunting. We had a cabin up near the Canadian boarder which was a good 4.5hr drive for us. As some may know, you can start bear baiting 3 weeks prior to the hunt. Well, after 3 weeks of my dad and I making the trek to bait bear and having no luck, my dad decided we would take my sisters car up to save on gas expecting we wouldn't get one...and her car was a two door geo metro hatchback.

Well, as one would guess, I poked a nice bear. The 4.5hr drive was humorous to say the least. with the black bear stuffed in the back hatch, face plastered to the glass with the whole body taking up the rear, we got lots of looks! and plenty of laughs!
 
I once rented a mechanical auger to hunt down and clear some roots from a sewer line but instead of the auger going down the sewer line it went up the vent stack and out and over the roof down into a trash can with a bag full of old paint cans. When I turned the auger on it grabbed the bag of paint cans and smashed them against the side of my house turning 50 feet of siding and a raised deck into a Jackson Pollock art piece.

I persevered and eventually got the auger pointed in the right direction and killed the roots so job well done.
 
1997. We had moved to Washington from Missouri for a temporary assignment and I was deer hunting at our land in Missouri. I had rented a small car and dang I had shot a huge buck. My dad and my buddy both had to leave after day 3 and I had hung the buck. Then it got cold, real cold and the sumbitch froze solid. He wouldn't fit in the trunk so I had to put him in the back seat with his hind legs sticking out one of the back windows. As Pulleye said, I too got some strange looks as I drove back to our house near St. Louis that we still owned. When I returned the car the gal asked me if everything was OK. I replied to her that they should do something about the smell in the back seat.
 
One of the guys from work wanted to go hunt. So We took his rig an went up to his spot. Didnt seem like the guy that was going to be gone from the truck for long, so I kinda hung near him an then veered off, then would catch back up with him.

I spot him sitting down against a stump, so I work that way, find my own stump a lil ways away from him and sit down.

He kept looking over at me, giving me these weird hand signals. idkwtf he's doin, but jimmy was kinda a weird dude, so whatever.


After a while he stands up, "FAWK IT THEN!!" and goes stomping off down the ridge.

I have no idea who that guy was, but it wasnt jimmy
 
Many years ago, I had a friend who was a big SOB. About 6'4", 280. Anyway, he was in his portable, climbing tree stand and nature called. Rather than climbing down, he lowered his coveralls and did his duty. Pulled the coveralls back up and shortly thereafter smelled something. Turns out his 'deposit' dropped into his coveralls instead of on the ground!!
 
OK I got one from when my oldest son was about 7 years old maybe give or take, wasn't old enough to shoot yet so may have been a little younger. It's Texas so we trickled corn down the roads with thick impenetrable brush lining both sides of the road in all directions and drive out over the hill and walked about 400 yards back to the tripod to set up in. Dark starts to set in and a big group of javelina are mowing down the corner between us and the truck. I stupidly mentioned something about walking through them in the dark back to the truck and kiddo wasn't having it. I offered to walk now before dark and he still wasn't having it and wanted me to shoot them all (lol). He agreed that he'd wait in the tripod and I'd go get the truck and come back but I had to do it before dark. Seemed like a good idea at the time. So off I go through the javelina and they scatter and do their tusk chomping thing to let me know how loco they are, no big deal. I get about halfway to the truck and I hear this God awful blood curtling screaming going on. Turn around and kid is still safely up in the tripod but man he's screaming bloody murder. I run in place for a second torn between which way to go then decide I'm a little closer to the truck so I throw all my stuff off the side of the road and sprint to the truck with everything I have in me, fire it up and fly down the road and catch air coming over that hill and skid to a halt in front of the tripod fly out the door and trying to figure out what's going on. Kiddo is balling uncontrollably so I climb up and try to calm him down, grab him and pull him to the truck and close the doors. I'm looking for missing limbs or snake bites anything, no blood LOL nothing. Finally he's able to talk and I'm asking what happened.
"I heard a noise."
A noise? For real?
"Yeah it went shooooooo shooooooooo"
A couple doe had walked up behind that tripod and snorted at him but he couldn't see what it was in the thick brush.
 
Another one, 1987, first time deer hunting in Missouri. I get out a mile or so from camp at O-Dark-Thirty on public land and set up my climber. It was dark as hell and I went up a wee bit farther than usual. About 15 minutes before shooting hours, I had a serious #2 a-brewing. I decided to drop my trousers and sail it off the stand. I get done with business and 15 minutes later killed a nice 9 pointer.
 
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