My mom and dad raised me to be a deer hunter (mulies). We hunted the pinon country around Montrose and elk at that time (70’s - 80’s) were just not prevalent down that low. As a family we knew deer and that is just what we did. Deer meat from the 3-5 deer per year we harvested as a family kept me in good groceries all through college. Dad was a school principal so time off was always an issue. After college I lost a bet and started working a forestry career in Utah. A coworker, Brad, who for some unknown reason remains my best friend, asked me to go elk hunting with him.
It was his first year hunting elk somewhere other than cow elk in the sagebrush in the dead of winter late season hunt.
“It will be fun”, he said. “Elk are cool”, he said. “Just a big deer”, he said. “I know an easy spot”, he said. “Only have to buy a bugle for new equipment”, he said. A professed Christian man, his proclivity for lies and half-truths are troubling to me in retrospect….
The much abbreviated story:
We started our journey in an area near where we archery deer hunted. Well, camp was the same sopt. The hunting location was slightly different. The “easy spot” was a three mile hike in the dark up a watershed with enough downfall timber to make a preacher curse. Along the way he kept mentioning “it wasn’t this bad last time I was here”. I kept picking up sticks to hit him with but the spruce deadfall was so thick I couldn’t get a full swing at the back of his head.
Two hours later we ended up at nevermindthename Spring. OTC archery spike tags in our pocket, and elk sounding off in the nearby spruce thickets. I should mention here that Brad had convinced me to tie a brown rag which had been soaked in cow-in-heat urine to my pack. “It will calm them down”, he said. That short man sure does have a lying problem, have I mentioned that? More on that later.
About 200 yards away we hear the worst bugle we have ever heard. It had to be a lost hunter still trying to catch his breath after hiking through the deadfall and cantaloupe sized rocks of the drainage. The bugle sounded more like a cat going through a blender than the magical 3-note sweet and crisp bugles we had been practicing in the truck for the precious 3 weeks while traveling to and from timber sales. Anyway, we decided to jack with the lost hunter who for some reason decided this was a good place to mess up our hunt. We set up 20 yards apart on the edge of the small meadow and let out a spike squeal. We were answered by a second cat going through a blender, but only about 100 yards away, downhill and downwind.
The next 5 minutes slowed into a time warp. In slow motion a very nice 6x7 bull elk came through the trees on the side of the meadow heading right towards me. Not a spike, I just gazed in amazement at the huge animal. At a distance of 15 yards from me he laid his head back and let out another of those horrible “fake” bugles! Brad was letting out soft ,hot and sexy, mews in response. I could see his nostrils flaring and his pecker slapping his belly as the bull was scenting the wind. It was about this point I realized that the cow-in-heat scent rag was working a bit too well. My good buddy was 20 yards from me with an excited grin in his face and I was right in the path of a huge bull elk that was going to mount something – and it appeared that was going to be me!
At 10 yards, I broke. I stood up waving my arms and blowing the bull out. He ran about 20 yards and again bugled at me (winking as he did so) before trotting off into the trees. “HOLY CRAP!” was being repeated over and over behind me by Brad. His first truthful statement of the week and it was an understatement at best. By the end of the week we both had killed a spike elk.
So, what did I learn?
1. Brad is a pathological liar in need of extreme counseling.
2. Elk live in nastier places than I had imagined or experienced deer hunting (for meat).
3. Two guys just DO NOT grab and drag an elk (or a half, for that matter).
4. Cat Quivers are great, but are quickly destroyed by packing a rear elk Quarter.
5. A Buck 110 is still the best knife I own to do everything.
6. Scent rags in a Ziploc will survive the washer, but ziplocs burst open in the dryer.
7. Wife version 1.0 does not appreciate the smell of cow-in-heat urine in the dryer.
8. The 1-800 number on the cow urine bottle should be for a divorce attorney.
9. A 50# Oneida shooting 2219 arrows with 145 gr. Bow Bullets will pass through an elk.
10. Not all elk sound the same.
11. I have a lot of better and newer equipment now (25 years later), but old school sweat and equipment works just fine.
12. New plastic scent wafers left on a belt loop have same effect as a scent rag going through dryer.
13. Wife version 2.0 doesn’t appreciate that smell either.
14. Never call wife (either version) from a bag phone on the road at 9:00 p.m. asking her to buy super glue, JB Weld, razor blades, and a knee brace at KMart before they close.
15. Wives (either version) do not see the necessity of fixing a broken bow sight over draining the fluid from a very swollen knee.
16. When wife (1.0) asks how the hell you are going to hunt on a knee like that at 4:00 a.m. when your buddy shows up the next day, he should never answer “Don’t worry, if he goes down I will gut him and keep the meat fresh until life flight arrives.”
17. Many sins of a hunting partner are forgiven when you find that first elk piled under a deadfall.
18. Calling wife on road from a bag phone at 9:00 at night to go buy an external frame backpack at Kmart will result in a takeoff time of 9:00 a.m. the next morning when you have to go buy one yourself because elk are much more than just “a big deer”.
19. Quartering an elk in the middle of a deadfall is much more difficult than processing a deer on the kitchen table.
20. Apparently short guys carry the front quarters and tall guys carry rear quarters when packing meat.
21. Putting one fist-sized rock in your buddy’s backpack every time you stop is a fun game that can sometimes be played for 4 or 5 hours.
22. Make sure you are bigger or tougher than your hunting buddy in case of a “heated argument”.
23. A good camp makes for a good hunt.
24. Where you want to stop hiking is approximately ½ mile from where the elk herd is.
25. A good hunting partner is invaluable, but he will probably lie a lot.
26. Heroin or meth addiction is easier to overcome than elk addiction.
Sorry for the length, but the truth needs to be out there!
(This winter I am preparing all of my gear for a backcountry backpack archery elk hunt this year in Colorado. I am probably a bit too old and too fat to take on such an endeavor but now is the time and slow-steady will win the race. That reminds me, I need to call my little short buddy Brad and have him put in for a tag. You see, I know this great spot, right off the trailhead, easy hike in…..)
if you search on here you can find a long write up I did a few weeks ago. Colorado OTC archery elk
An army brat lived in many places and came from Georgia to north Idaho. A time of wool and borrowed gear. Still remember that first morning in the camp of elk killers, the sound of my uncle rifle echoing and the sight of an elk in close, who let that horse loose
left a lasting impression and one I wanted to expand on. I eventually moved on to my own camp and that is where I learned by trial and error to hunt in a new fashion and areas the old timers had not tried...so many resources today to learn quickly and much nicer gear to keep you smiling for a longer period of time
It was as dreamed and better now with knowledge and an appreciation of each season
