Am I Becoming a Grumpy Old Man?

[ELKhunter60]

I'm 57 - 3 years from retirement. I live in Michigan because that's where my job is - but hope to move to Montana once I retire. I'm an empty nester. My 34 year old daughter is a 6th grade science teach and lives in Plano Texas with her husband. She had my first grandson in February - which is awesome. My son lives in Bozeman, has his first steady girlfriend that I like, and works as a Deputy Sherriff. I've been married to my high school sweetheart for 37 years anbd still love her dearly. I have developed my western hunting skills over the years by going out west and making a ton of mistakes - but have gotten to a point where I can finally hold my own when it comes to hunting elk and mule deer. I love it! It has become my #1 hobby. I don't even buy a Michigan hunting license anymore. About the past 10 years I've been buying all of the points I can while also going out west to hunt in an effort to set myself up for some decent hunts during retirement.

Lately I've noticed I feel lonely sometimes and my "friend pool" is running close to empty - which I don't like. A few things that have contributed to this are:

1) I have moved for work a few times over my career - so keeping those ties has been challenging.
2) I built my own house once while working full time - so my time off was filled with home building - which makes it hard to be available for hobbies that strengthen friendships.
3) Up until the girlfriend, my son and I were close buddies. I am now the old truck that has been driven into the barn and a tarp has been thrown over it. The new model is much cooler with way better options!
4) I took my one Michigan buddy out archery elk 2-3 times about 10-15 years ago. I called in a bull to within 7 yards for him. He shot it - and it ran off about 60 yards and died. We packed it out and everything. It was awesome. The next year I told him he needed to practice up on his calls and it was my turn. When we got out west and got into a bull - he pulled up to call and sounded like a 6th grader who just got his new trumpet. I was not happy. Wait all year to hunt and he didn't practice at all. No more elk hunting with him.......
5) If something doesn't sit right with me, I'm going to say something about it. I don't ever yell or anything - but if you don't pay your 50% of the gas when we go on a trip or don't practice calling after I've taken my time off work and driven out to hunt and called in an animal for you - I'm going to call you out. Doesn't mean we can't get past it - we can. But I'm not a doormat.

I'm afraid I'm becoming a grumpy, lonely old man. Is this a normal feeling as you get older? Suggestions on how to curve this trend welcome.....

 

[axeforce6]

I’m the same age as your daughter. I share most of the same views as you. I’m a big believer In honing your craft. I never expect someone to be the best when they start something. If I have a friend or a brother a year to practice elk calling and he sucked. I’d let them know as well. My expectations stem from me getting the respect I give. And someone appreciating my very limited free time like I do someone else’s. Something any grown man should expect from someone. I have gotten to be a one in done type person. And it’s not narrow mindedness, to me it’s the opposite. I give everyone a chance and see how things go. If I’m open about my expectations and they aren’t met I can live with it as long as someone is trying to improve. If someone don’t care, I’m out. I have a 10 month old that I’d rather spend my time with. I feel that setting an expectation and trying to achieve the goal is what everyone should do. I’m from the south. If I invite someone to dinner. I pay for it. If we go hunting. I drive. I don’t want any money from ya. Just a good friendship. Maybe I’m a grumpy 34 year old.

 

[ELKhunter60]

I’m the same age as your daughter. I share most of the same views as you. I’m a big believer In honing your craft. I never expect someone to be the best when they start something. If I have a friend or a brother a year to practice elk calling and he sucked. I’d let them know as well. My expectations stem from me getting the respect I give. And someone appreciating my very limited free time like I do someone else’s. Something any grown man should expect from someone. I have gotten to be a one in done type person. And it’s not narrow mindedness, to me it’s the opposite. I give everyone a chance and see how things go. If I’m open about my expectations and they aren’t met I can live with it as long as someone is trying to improve. If someone don’t care, I’m out. I have a 10 month old that I’d rather spend my time with. I feel that setting an expectation and trying to achieve the goal is what everyone should do. I’m from the south. If I invite someone to dinner. I pay for it. If we go hunting. I drive. I don’t want any money from ya. Just a good friendship. Maybe I’m a grumpy 34 year old.

thanks for the reply. I didn't elaborate on the gas but if we are driving locally - I could care less about cover gas cost. On the other hand - when we are driving 26 hours to Montana - that's when the 50% rule applies for me anyway. If you cover that too........want to go hunting together sometime ?

 

[rayporter]

if you wish to have someone to go with you, you will learn that adjustments to your attitude are needed.
otherwise, dont complain here, just hunt alone. many make the choice to go it alone.

finding some one willing to travel is hard enough. finding someone to put up with your bxxxxxxx is impossible.

 

[nobody]

Man, I felt like I was reading a description of my own attitude and life, except I’m only 30 years old.

I don’t think you’re becoming a grumpy old man. What I read is that you’re more of a “quality over quantity” type guy, and would rather forego surface-y or insincere friendships in an effort to find something high quality. There’s nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with high quality people, even if it’s only 1 of them.

My dad is 54. He has exactly 1 really good friend. They’ve been best friends since they were 16 years old, and met while competing in high school rodeo. They helped each other build their homes, have taken each other on hunts into “honey holes,” and have always been there for each other when crap gets real. They don’t see each other daily, or even that often. But a few times a year they get together for something and it’s like they never separated. Dad has built a few other surface friendships, mainly with the husbands of my mom’s friends, and he actually sees those guys more often since mom is constantly planning stuff with them. But if dad had a gun to his head and was given one phone call to make, he would call his best friend Justin.

My brothers have lived the opposite and tried to make friends with everyone, and it eventually fizzles out and ends in frustration, like with your buddy who didn’t practice his elk calling. I experienced something similar with a guy I used to hunt with. We worked together, and started archery hunting elk annually together. After a few seasons and even after having some success on mule deer, I had enough. I couldn’t deal with the know-it-all holier-than-thou fuddlore that spewed from his mouth anytime adrenaline got high or things got exciting. He had killed several solid mule deer bucks, so he fancied himself a mule deer expert, but boy did it get tiring hearing that constantly. What did me in was a Colorado 3rd season mule deer tag. We both were shooting 6.5 creeds, with him choosing the 143 ELDX with a 200 yard zero, and me choosing a 140 ELDM with a 100 yard zero. He would randomly pop off with “you’re brave to shoot a bullet like that” or “I can’t believe you only have a 100 yard zero, what if you need a quick offhand shot beyond that?” It didn’t matter what data I presented or my explanation, he was right and I was wrong. I ended up finding him a dandy 4 point buck that he killed at about 150 yards, seated offhand. Softball sized exit wound was impressive, and the buck went about 15 yards. But man did he go on a tear about “that’s why you always shoot a 200 yard zero” and “there’s no way a match bullet would’ve done that to him, it would’ve blown up on contact and not entered the chest cavity.” I just shook my head, told him he was right, helped him break down the buck, and we left separately that night and haven’t spoken since. My hunts are more peaceful and I’ve enjoyed shooting and hunting exponentially more because of it, and I’ve just shrunk the pool of people and hunting partners accordingly.

Bottom line, there’s nothing wrong with selectivity of friendships. If you’re avoiding them on purpose and giving the excuse of “I’m busy with other projects” or “it’s my way or the highway” then that’s a different conversation, and you’re no better than the guy I used to hunt with. But it doesn’t seem to me that you’re doing that. Quality trumps quantity every day of the week with friendships, and it seems that you understand that. I’m sure once you hit Montana, you’ll connect with the right guy and it’ll happen naturally. Just avoid my father in law and you should be good.

 

[cnelk]

Its a known fact that your circle of friends gets smaller as you age.
And when you retire it seems there isnt even a circle anymore.

I do believe getting older makes you grumpy - you realize that the light at the end of the tunnel actually is a train.

 

[5MilesBack]

I'm afraid I'm becoming a grumpy, lonely old man. Is this a normal feeling as you get older?

I don't know. I've been grumpy for quite some time, but I'm a perfectionist so there's lots to be grumpy about. You just deal with it, and then savor the wins when or if they come.

 

[Weldor]

Everything you said is true of most trips at time or another. I just whittled it down to 1-3 hunting buddies depending on the trip. At 63 I'm fine with being grumpy oh wait I've been that way all my life.

 

[roadrunner]

The older we get, the less tolerant of bs we become.

We're simply being honest and not concerned about impressing people anymore...

 

[RS_Non-Res]

Got a dog. Never been happier (as an adult).

 

[flathead#2]

The older we get, the less tolerant of bs we become.

We're simply being honest on not concerned about impressing people anymore...

This.

 

[AKBorn]

Not sure if i can help you with that one. Over the years my wife has bought t shirts for me that have the following words on them:

I user to be a people person, but people ruined that for me

I stopped listening, why are you still talking

7 billion people in the world, and you had to talk to me

And the reason you're telling me this is...

I can't people today


Maybe it's the environment some of us grew up in? I was born in Alaska, and until I was 12 the closest neighbor to us was over a mile away. I grew up doing things (hunting, fishing, riding my bike, exploring the woods) by my lonesome, and kept up with that mostly through adulthood. I would meet my buddies to play golf on the weekends, but still liked to hunt and fish on my own. My circle of friends is pretty small, but I am very happy living the quiet life with my wife and seeing friends on occasion.

Maybe you're not grumpy, perhaps as you are getting older you are refining what you are willing to put up with...

 

[Boarmaster]

I’m a 62 year old life long bachelor. Plenty of long term relationships but I just never got married or had children.

That said as a lifer you learn to know your place in the pecking order in your friends family life.
I had a group of very close friends in both high school and college. One by one they married off , had kids and had other priorities than hanging with the Boarmaster.

I acquired other good friends as I went along.
Some I have hunted and travelled with for twenty five years or more.

One reason I think I have kept my same friends as an adult is that I always figured friends are people to which who you have decided to overlook their faults and they have decided to overlook yours.

I don't expect everyone to hold this same philosophy. But I’m a happy guy with very few hurt feeling over the years and dang good long term buddies. I’m not the perfect guy myself. Even less so in the past.

 

[2531usmc]

Nothing wrong with being a grumpy old man.

I should know, I am one myself!

 

[cnelk]

Watch the movie Gran Torino and you’ll know what a grumpy ol man is.

 

[Mashthegas]

I'm old enough that I'm set in my ways and have hunted with pretty much the same guys for years. When someone new wants to go, the rules are clear. Don't like it, hunt with someone else. When they can't go, I hunt alone. Yep, I'm a crabby old man!!

 

[Huntndog]

As many have noted you have every reason to be grumpy, as well as , firm in your expectations of others. The problem is you stated you are lonely. Choose your poison.
I am in the same boat at 64.
Sometimes its better to go it alone, and sometimes I choose to go with others. When the latter happens I just try to remind myself that friends come with issues…… as do I.

 

[Jason Snyder]

Life is too short to be grumpy. If you don’t want to hunt alone, the venture is a two way street and it’s not completely up to the other person to change.