Traveling Job with Kids

[kcruz]

I’m curious to get some feedback on how people who travel a lot for work and have children feel about it.

I am in a situation where I can make a move into the sales department of my company and make ~70% more than I do now with the bonus structure. The flip side to that is I would be traveling weekly at least 4 days a week. I love to travel and my wife is nothing but supportive with whatever I decide to do, but I can’t get over the idea that I would be making a mistake not being able to see my son everyday. He’s about a year and a half now and I’m worried that it could ruin the relationship we have. I obviously would miss a lot of stuff as he grows up and assuming I am in this position for the next few years I will miss sports and school events as well.

Financially my wife and I are fine and make a good living. The increase isn’t needed by any means. The pay increase would essentially cover my wife’s salary and make it to where she could stay home if she chooses. It also would be a great move for my career.

Being away from my son so much just makes me question the change. Even though I would be making the move for my family it feels a bit selfish in a way.

Does anyone travel a lot and have children? Do you regret the time away from them? Do you just tough it out and adjust?


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[MTPipeliner]

If you’re comfortable with your current income, I think you’ll regret the time with your son lost to traveling.

I used to travel a lot, but don’t anymore. For me it ended shortly after my son was born. My situation was the opposite of yours though, for me the promotion came with less travel.

They don’t stay small long so enjoy them while you can.

 

[Customweld]

I did when my girls were young. It’s tough on everyone. It puts a lot of pressure on your wife. Missed time with your kids will never be returned. If you aren’t in a tight spot financially , I’d stay home and enjoy family time.

 

[badgerboy]

I recently was in a similar situation and declined the role. If it was necessary, a different story. My daughter is 1 and the time I get with her after work is too valuable right now. My situation also didn't come with the possibility for my wife to stay home. That might have changed things.

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[Hayduke541]

I took like a 40% pay cut so I wouldn't have to travel while my kids are young. Definitely hurt the pocketbook and I can't do as much cool stuff or buy the latest ang greatest gear but I wouldn't have done it any differently.

We all have to make our choices and what works for me might not work for you. My kids are getting a little older now and I will probably go back to doing some traveling to advance my career.

 

[DuckDogDr]

If your son is 1.5 years old right now you’re missing some cool things … but not as much as when he’s 4-5
Take the job now for about 2 years .. try to figure out a way for wifey to still work … bank all that money for kid’s future and when he’s older Go back to current job and enjoy time with family and throw the kid a ball

 

[Rob5589]

"Traveling at least 4 days a week..." That will be rough on the fam for sure. Not to mention you'll be needing your own time to decompress after being away from home and on the road for a week, so take that into account. I love to travel as well but, work travel isn't the same as fun travel. You can't ever get the time back with your boy. You have a tough decision ahead of you my friend.

 

[insanelupus]

Pay checks come and go and money is important in life, but it ain't everything either. Earning opportunities can be found throughout life, if you so choose.

Many men have made working away from home work to one extent or the other. Four days a week can be a considerable amount of time and may come down to what the other three days a week look like.

Time is a commodity which is irreplaceable. Yesterday can never be experienced again.

Choices and sacrifices are a part of life and as a family man, tend to be and should be a part of life.

Perhaps the question isn't should you or shouldn't you travel for work and be away from your family 4 days a week.

Maybe it should be considered like this:

In 5, 10, or 20 years, how much money would you pay to have more time with your family?

Only you can answer that question.

 

[PredatorSlayer]

If you can leverage it into something that would allow you to eventually be home more and make even more money, it is worth it. Also worth it if your wife would rather stay home and you don’t have to send them to day care. I took a promotion that put me on the road every week for 3 years. It made me competitive for a regional supervisor job where I am now home all the time and make really good money. Those 3 years were tough, but ultimately worth the sacrifice. Also, better to do it while they are young so you aren’t missing ball games and stuff when they get older. If this isn’t a stepping stone into something better and you would be traveling the rest of your career, I would probably pass. Traveling is fun until you do it every week. I was on a plane ever monday, home friday evening. Saturday and sunday was laundry and packing…it was a grind.

 

[Trackerbacker]

Owned a few businesses concurrently. ran 65k miles/year. 6/10s were the norm, if not 14-18 hour days.

Anywhere from 1-3 kids over that 12-13 year stretch, mainly the later years.

Sold them (business, not the kids haha). Moved. Slowed down.

-was not unbearable for me.

Wife took a 2day/4day every other week work assignment (medical-traveler). So far, has done it for almost 2 quarters.

-its unbearable for her and will stop more than likely after this contract.

We both love our kids, obviously.

But nature (me) vs nuture (mom). It's tough, but different reasons. When I do something, I do that. So when I was home, I was home, if I was with my boy, or my daughter, I was all in. When I was at the office, I was all in.

I compartmentalize, my wife emotionalized. I was doing for tomorrow, she was doing for today.

That time away from the kids is not as important as the time away from the wife. She's my #1, we still "date" each other. The kids come next. Early years-very important to have parents, but motherly instincts are more important than fatherly instincts.

So, in a nut shell-you first-wife-kids... if a planes falling, its hard to help others if you haven't put on your o2 mask.

At least, that's how humans developed for millennia. Nuture early(mothers), nature later(fathers).

(Caveat-im not saying it's unimportant, just a man's role is different early on, than later on, and importance grows with years.)

My $0.03.

 

[menhaden_man]

Three kids and I travel a bit… but working on changing that asap.

I think the schedule would mean a bit to me too. If I left Monday morning and home Thursday before supper with permanent three day weekends to spend that extra money on a boat to fish with the kids then maybe…

Good luck, but you’ll never meet a guy on his death bed saying he wished he spent more time at work.

 

[The_Jim]

I have had projects that I traveled weekly for 12-15 weeks in a row. It would be a hard no for any more than that situation. It worked OK from 1-3 kids, but now that we have 4 its really rough on my wife when I am gone.

I work in the construction industry and it sure seems like the guys that travel a lot typically(not always) have very poor family situations.

 

[EdP]

Relationships, especially for young couples, tend to work out better when you spend a lot of time together. There is no "I wonder what he/she is doing tonight." Stay home, be there for your wife, keep each other happy, and spend time with your son while he is growing up. It might be different if you needed the money. In your situation, the relationship stress and missing your son growing up is not worth it.

 

[TxxAgg]

I have a sales job. I travel maybe 2 nights a week every other week but have the ability to stay put for a month if I need to. I turned down a promotion recently....4/nights per week nearly every week. I really like my job but I love my wife and kids. In my situation the pay increase would have been much less than 70%

You only get one chance to raise your kids.

 

[ODB]

My daughter was born last year and next year she’ll graduate high school. Make of that what you will.

 

[JD Jones]

I traveled a lot when my son was young (overseas type) and I would do anything to have those years back with him. But that said, jobs are temporary so maybe try it out and see and if after a year or even less… go do something else

 

[WoodBow]

I traveled for work when we were first married and only had 1 kid. I was typically gone 5 days at a time. I would not go back to it. Even just working long days now puts a lot of strain on my wife. Given we have 4 kids now. I frequently leave before they wake up and don't get home until bed time. Which honestly isn't much different than being out of town. But I did not/do not choose it. It is just how it is for now. I'd love to change it.

 

[roadrunner]

Sounds like you've already answered your question listing what's more important over the other and not needing the extra cash.

Always remember: the first to rebound after your untimely death is your place of employment, often in a matter of a few days to a couple of weeks...

 

[Cheesy]

When my kids were 3 and 6 I was working out of the country typically Monday-Friday every other week.

When they were 6 and 9 I was working out of state for 6 months typically Monday-Friday.

When they were 8 and 11 I was working out of state for 6 months typically Monday-Friday.

Often, my wife was traveling for work if I was home.

For us, it was just what we were used to and we needed to do to keep paychecks coming and promotions coming. When we were home, kids got full attention. Luckily, they're great kids at 9 and 13. Have always tested off the charts on any standardized tests and teachers always compliment on how good they are.

I guess I've always been of the mindset that work comes first, because without a paycheck we can't do anything. That probably is rooted in my growing up on a dairy farm. If the cows weren't put first, no milk check to pay the bills.

 

[BigCountry49]

Gone 4 full days a week is a lot. 1 1/2 seems right about when kids start really showing personality traits too.