Hunting Time Allocation- HELP

[bricketts]

After listening to the recent Storie Ratcliffe Rokcast episode, the ending really got me wanting to hear from others on the complex issue of time, especially in regards to time for scouting and your hunt with family and children.

A little info on myself, if it’s relevant:
I am 25 years old, and went on my first week long hunting trip at 4 with my dad and his camp of buddies. It became my greatest passion and has been ever since.
I got to start hunting gun in hand at 11 and had a good run until I was 18 when I graduated, taking a week off every year to chase blacktail or mule deer. We’d hunt weekends til the end of season if needed after the week long trip.
After graduating, I missed 2 years of hunting as I established myself in a career path, moved jobs and states, but eventually landed back in Western Wa to be with my now-wife.
2020 I was back at it, taking a week off every year and scouting when I could, but my hours at work ramped up from 2022-2024(anywhere from 5 10s to 7 12s), so time was limited. But I always took the week off to chase deer with my old man as that time is irreplaceable.

The problem is, those 9 days away from home have always been a point of contention in my marriage(wife isn’t a hunter but loves wild game meat). Even before the long hours. I hunted a handful of days this year but didn’t take an overnight trip anywhere as we had our first baby in July.

I am a heavy equipment operator for a large, reputable union company and also fulfill the responsibilities of a crew lead. We own our house and my wife is now a stay at home mom with our son. I commute an hour+ for work sometimes each way, and the past 10 months have finally been back on a normal 5 8s schedule. I take care of our home with chores and maintenance and everything in between. I know I am flawed but do my best as Robby has talked to about to ensure the home front is taken care of year round, and especially before I leave. We go on a week long vacation together every year and lots of weekend trips as well. Before anyone says this is a topic her and I need to discuss, trust me we do.

I’m asking for advice or suggestions for what worked for guys who have had to have these same conversations, this same conundrum, and what has worked and continues to work each year, especially with children in the mix.
Maybe I just went into the wrong industry and need a less demanding job


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Steve300xcw]

5-8's is a demanding job?

 

[Kurts86]

When I had kids I almost completely quit going on day hunts and just kept my long trips. Honestly the first year with a kid I don’t think it’s unreasonable to seriously scale back hunting but after that it’s back to business as usual.

I would find out what she doesn’t like about you being gone and see if you can offset that somehow. Maybe that means hiring a babysitter so she can get a break, have someone come clean the house or have food scheduled for delivery while you are gone. Drive separately from everyone once you go on a trip and book it back once you punch a tag.

For what’s it worth I don’t see what the big issue is if she stays at home already and you work longer days. The biggest issue I always have is arranging childcare with both parents working.

 

[dusky]

I feel ya. Every spouse is gonna react differently to their hunter's time in the field, from what I can tell. My mom had 4 kids in the home, did all the housework and meals and bedtimes, and was grateful when my dad would go hunting or fishing all day, out before sunrise, home after dark. That is NOT my wife, and my wife is not like these women I hear about whose men are gone for 1,2,3,4 weeks straight. Personality plays a part in my wife's case; she didn't grow up dreaming of being a mom like my mom did. We also can't afford a babysitter right now and have no family help for our 1.5 and 4.5 year olds. I had one 2 night away trip this year and my other 2 hunts I sealed the deal on opening morning and was home before 8pm. I feel a lot of pressure to get it done FAST. She didn't grow up in a hunting family so she doesn't get it. My wife dreads hunting season every year but always feels rich from the harvest, and she knows that for me hunting is more than meat, so she sacrifices a lot for me to do it. Post season, I'm back to being 100% present, giving lots of back rubs, having hard emotional repair talks. Flowers always helps for about 24 hours. This winter I am going to sit down with her and literally schedule her days off in 2026. At least as many days as I'm gone scouting and hunting. She feels guilty for being away from the girls but I'm gonna force her to GO DO whatever she wants outside the home. I seriously don't mind solo parenting for a day or two.
And it's not my number one tactic, but when I have to, I remind her that she mentioned in her wedding vows that she promised to support my hunting and fishing, hehe. She probably wishes she'd quantified that support better now.
Knowing my wife's love languages is key.
Good luck in your negotiations and figuring out how to fill her love tank in return, dude!

 

[KBC]

Sounds like you are doing ok but…
Make sure things at home are ok.
Plan way in advance so she knows it’s coming.
Make sure she has something she does for her and it’s important to you she does her thing.
Explain how important it is to you to get out and push the mental health aspect of it.

All that being said, it’s really tough with young ones at home. You will have to make some sacrifices until they are old enough to at least entertain themselves for a little while so she can have a break.

 

[KBC]

Oh and try and find friends in the same situation as you that you can hunt with. Their wife might hang out with your wife while you’re away and it makes it easier.

 

[wapitibob]

I can’t help, I never would have let it get to the point you’re at.

 

[Rifleman86]

Life is about balance. These are hard questions… and If I’m honest, I’ve struggled with it in my own marriage at times. I have two demanding careers that often take me away for long periods of time, one being the military. That adds to the struggle.

Like you, the early part of my adult life I was always too busy to do more than day hunts locally.

I started doing actual “trips” where I would be gone for a week or more the two years prior to my son being born. When she got pregnant, she told me “well you aren’t doing that anymore.”

I had finally reached the point in life where I had the financial means and the time off to go on these out of state hunts, and now I’m being told by my wife I can’t!?

I explained how much this stuff meant to me. I made it the priority… What do I mean by that? The random beer nights with the boys or Saturday shooting matches at the range ended.

Give me 10 days in the fall. That was my ask of her… That’s less than 3% of the year. 2.7% to be exact. That 2.7% of time will make me a better husband and father.

She wasn’t happy, but eventually she got it.

Don’t get me wrong, she knows she gets her “3%” too. She wants to do a trip with a friend or a day to herself, she gets it, no questions asked.

I’ve got #2 on the way in a few months. Her cousin invited me on the yearly Canada fishing trip in June. It killed me a bit, but I turned it down. I already conceded this years hunting season might be different. It might not be elk, but rather burning some antelope points where my then 6 yo can tag along.

But if you give it all up now and just “quit” going… Good luck on ever going again.

Balance, communication and setting expectations. Somewhere in that you will figure it out.

 

[willfrye027]

See if you can plan her a trip while you are gone. I like to fly my wife and kid up to be with her family while I’m gone if possible. My wife knows how important hunting is to me and I try not to make it so much of a burden on the family, but in the end she understands I am going hunting every year

 

[liv3mind]

Yeah this is tough, every spouse is different. Definitely help her find ways to prioritize her passions and get time to do the things she wants to as well. I know my wife and I got on the same page about the value of hunting when we decided we wanted to know where our food came from, eventually it became a harvest when we can, as much as we can. We have 4 boys spanning age 6-15. They love the outdoors, hunting and shooting are a huge hobby for them, building or working on their rifles is part of it, reloading, etc. My wife picked up gardening, and I help her with that, the boys help her as well. This didn't happen overnight, it took years to get to what I see as a good healthy balance in general, but now my wife tries to harvest at least one deer a year with me, but it started as being passionate about our food. She wants nothing to do with the cold, gets agitated when I am too loud at 330am on my way out, maybe shoots a rifle 1-3 times a year, does not care about the gun she uses as long as it goes bang, and will absolutely brag that she still has killed the oldest deer on our wall. IMHO A good marriage is built on compromise, and compromise takes time, sometimes more than we see as ideal. But if it works out it's worth it. Be patient and find a way to meet on this somewhere, be passionate about meeting her needs as much as you want to meet your own. Don't quit hunting, just adjust expectations for now until things balance.

 

[bricketts]

5-8's is a demanding job?

5 8s is far from a demanding job, it’s second best to 4 10s or firefighter schedule if I could!

I can’t find where I made an error in my post but maybe it was misinterpreted, I am working 5 8s currently as in for the last 10 months, but prior for the last 3 years before that(2022, 2023, 2024) typically worked 6 12s or 7 12s.. I worked 3400 hours in 2024(this is NOT a flex it was brutal), a 40 hour work week schedule makes for 2080…

I’m only replying to this first as I do not want anyone thinking that I’m some 25 year old saying 5 8s is a demanding job, quite the contrary I think calling 84 hour work weeks demanding is valid

 

[bricketts]

I’m going to reply to other responses as I have time but in the order replied(probably in the next hour after baby’s bedtime) but just seeing what has been posted and what I’ve gotten to read I am beyond grateful for the insight and wisdom shared and the level of support from this community

 

[Hnthrdr]

Well, having little kid(s) is a game changer, life has its seasons man, sometimes we get a ton of time, sometimes we don’t. I have 3 girls under 4 years old. My wife works full time runs a businesses that she works at and owns. I work full time. I went from roughly 100 days in the field a year to maybe 7-10 if I’m lucky. Biggest keys to help
1. Keep wife happy
2. Adjust expectations you will get more hunting time back
3. Enlist grandma/ grandpa help, maybe a nanny?
4. Maybe air bnb and day hunt around the cabin be with your wife & kid in the evening
5. Pre cook meals so your wife doesn’t have to cook while you are gone

That’s all I’ve got so far. On the plus side you will be able to take your kid soon enough and then it will really get interesting haha, but then you will give your wife a break. Good luck man

 

[KBC]

Just to add to what I already posted and reiterate what someone else said, don’t quit hunting. If it’s that important to you, it should be important to her. Just make sure her thing is equally as important to you.

 

[bricketts]

When I had kids I almost completely quit going on day hunts and just kept my long trips. Honestly the first year with a kid I don’t think it’s unreasonable to seriously scale back hunting but after that it’s back to business as usual.

I would find out what she doesn’t like about you being gone and see if you can offset that somehow. Maybe that means hiring a babysitter so she can get a break, have someone come clean the house or have food scheduled for delivery while you are gone. Drive separately from everyone once you go on a trip and book it back once you punch a tag.

For what’s it worth I don’t see what the big issue is if she stays at home already and you work longer days. The biggest issue I always have is arranging childcare with both parents working.

Thank you for the reply, and I like this suggestion! Definitely wasn’t unreasonable to do almost no hunts this year at all, like you said; I was super happy to rein it in to about 6 morning hunts total.

Taking extra steps to prep the home and meals before I leave(especially now with the little one) is a great idea. And yea next year might be time to start driving separate from my dad. Again thank you!

 

[bricketts]

Okay I realize individually replying to every post is gonna take me too long lol!

I appreciate the replies and things that stick out most to me

1. Planning/scheduling her time for herself FOR her, my wife is similar to others in regards to the fact that she won’t do this for herself out of “feeling guilty” I think this is a must

2. Setting things up to make my time away easier for her, have grandparents on the roster to come visit and help, meals prepped, etc

3. I think I’m pretty supportive of her hobbies, she has a) always wanted to be a stay at home mom which she is doing and b) makes all natural skin care products(soap, lotions, etc) and candles with her dream being to market them someday. I built a fully furnished 200sf add on on our house solely dedicated as her craft room to pursue this about a year ago and she’s closer than ever to launching her products online and at markets

4. Find the common ground in it, as @liv3mind stated, which I think we successfully have. She is and has been for years invested in knowing where our food comes from, organic clean eating, etc and she does LOVE eating venison and having it in the freezer. She was actually with me when I harvested my buck last year and very interested at looking through the organs and pushed me to take and eat the liver with her. I love that this was brought up as it reminded me that even if our passions and hobbies look different they have common ground

5. Hammer home what hunting is for me, beyond the meat/harvest. I’ve talked about this to her before but I don’t think really hammered home that when I’m in the mountains, I’m testing every ability of myself and talking to God every step of the way. It’s a mental battle, it’s testing myself, it’s stepping away from the hustle and bustle of every day life and honing in on one goal, all the things. I think I could do a better job expressing this.

Lastly, I will never quit hunting for those that mentioned it. It is my greatest personal passion in life, always has been, always will be. And I know that, without a doubt, as others said, good luck getting it back if I give it up.


Thank you again everyone for the replies and sharing your personal experiences in this matter. It’s something that certainly takes a constant effort, year after year and isn’t a one and done.

 

[khart_6882]

Like stated above, everyone is different. But I personally just try to do absolutely everything I can for my family outside of hunting season.

I work 75 hour weeks in a career that I hate absolutely every second of so that my wife can stay home and we can afford to do fun things.

I watch the kids solo without hesitation whenever she wants to go barrel race

I haul the family and their horses around the state all summer to gaming events and barrel races. Then play stable boy and camp chef all weekend for them.

I’ve all but given up on team roping unless we have a completely free weekend and my wife pretty much pushes me to go.

Damn near anything she asks of me I do my best to get done after work and on weekends.

In return, mid September to mid November I’m going to hunt as much as I want

 

[Baddog]

Find her a side piece, then she’ll be happy for you to go!

 

[ianpadron]

I think threads like this are more helpful for the young fellas who are still not married.

When I met my now wife in 2015, within the first 30 minutes of our first date I told her I hunted/fished more than most women could tolerate, with the intent to do more of it every year. I told her if that was an issue, speak now or forever hold your peace.

10 years later and I think I've gotten the stink eye maybe one or 2 times, and only when I had 100% overdone it (gone like 1 month straight lol).

Setting expectations right out of the gate is the best way to avoid disappointment in every single aspect of life

From what I've seen, a woman that complains about how much her boyfriend or husband hunts 1) doesn't understand how men are wired at all 2) has a very low chance of changing her mind.

9 days of hunting a year is virtually nothing...let alone reason to have an issue; especially since she knows you've been a hunter since childhood. If you're meeting your obligations at home (which it sure sounds like you are since she's a SAHM), probably time for a talk to nip this issue in the bud, unless you want to be another young 30/40 something fella held hostage by his wife.

I have buddies whose wives give them dang curfews and expectations to check in x amount of times a day...makes my skin crawl.

IF you have a healthy relationship centered around growth as a couple, suggest she reads Wild at Heart, and you read Captivating. Talk about what you learn from them daily. Revisit annually. Those books are powerful tools at teaching what men and women NEED in a relationship. Brotherhood and adventure are cornerstones of a healthy man's life, and any wife who truly respects her husband should be encouraging both of those things, not scolding you for them.

I don't know if you're a believer, but Ephesians 5:22-33 is one of the best sections of the entire Bible for issues like this...both husbands and wives are called to live up to far loftier standards than what we often give each other.

 

[Pony Soldier]

I married a woman that liked to hunt. Every day of the season - every season - was and is spend hunting with my family. Camps were for family. Scouting is for my family if they can't come.

I quit a professional job with the government half way through and took a tremendous cut in pay so I could hunt every day of the season.

At 40, my kids still come home to hunt me as do my grandkids. Those were my choices.